I know this is nuts..however...

I have read and read and READ and listened but WHY do I still carry this nagging doubt that if I had succumbed and initiated the steps to be with him everyday, moved to live with him, we would have been happy together??

Was this his last ploy to try and get me to move there with him to COMPLETELY destroy me?

It was the final kick in the stomach he wanted to deliver to stop my son attending his scholarship school wasn't it?

He wanted to destroy EVERYTHING we as a family represented didn't he?

He would have devalued and destroyed me soon thereafter wouldn't he have?

This doubt keeps coming up...but it is me hoping isn't it? Hoping that there was actually some redeeming quality about him....it is so hard to admit that I was a game to him. I was someone to be scoffed at and ridiculed and actually despised rather than loved, like he said.....

This is by far the hardest part.

Please validate, reiterate or berate....thank u xx
B