I just hate this feeling

I hate this feeling in my body....I hate that he never cared about me...and how he seems to care about the new woman, the woman he cheated on me with for almost two years...it appears they are so happy, even though she lives 1300 miles away....she believes everything he told her...I hate how he would never ever allow me to be his friend on facebook but he will be facebook friends with her...I hate how I was nothing to him...how he never cared about me...I hate how he's friends with the neighbor again who slashed our tires five years ago...I hate that I didn't matter...I hate how I was tossed aside...

Now I have those stupid feelings again that he will change for her...that he won't be the lying, cheating, manipulative, controlling jerk he was with me...

I picture in my head that he is going to marry her and have a child with her and move to her state be with her...and be a father to her three kids...he is going to treat her so well

Please someone yell at me....kick me in the ass...

I'm almost two months NC....three months since I saw him last...I hate him for what he has done to me...but I don't understand why I was not enough....if she was the love of his life wouldn't he have moved with her already? Would he have been on dating websites as of recently??? Why do I feel like this??