I just got a hoover

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#1 Dec 5 - 9PM

Victim-no-more

I just got a hoover

I just saw that someone called from a number I did not recognize and I never answer numbers I don't recognize. I was shocked when I listened to my voicemail. It was HIM. It said "hey girlie I was just calling to see how you were doing, things are going well on my end and I'm getting ready to start school in january,hope all is good with you,give me a call." Ok. So im not freaked out or having my heart race like I used to. I just feel numb. Why is he calling.....i will never fully understand this disorder

#2 Dec 6 - 10PM

Gravity

Victim-no-more

Ok.. first of all I love how he said "hey girlie" trying to be all cutsie and casual when he is NOT cute and your relationship was far from casual. And 4 words: Of.course.he.hoovered. they always come back. always. When you have everything, you have everything to lose. These "men" have nothing, therefore they have nothing to lose. "You never catch any fish if you don't cast the line" and the Narc throws it out there to as many people as he can when he's low on supply to see who bites. Very sad, for THEM. Their minds must be hell on earth.

#3 Dec 6 - 10PM

Gravity

Victim-no-more

#4 Dec 6 - 10AM

Hunter

Supply..round, round..

Supply..round, round.. Hunter

#5 Dec 6 - 10AM

Lisa87

Hoover

It is strange and I got hoovered Sunday too. Took me a while to figure out these freaks, why they don't leave us alone. I came here to find answers to my questions a few months ago and DS is right as to why they hoover. They are sick people and just think in the moment. Stay NC and good for you for not responding. I broke up with my exN 1.5 years ago and even after blocking, unblocking, ignoring calls, emails, texts, visits to my office, etc. and I told him 3x to leave me alone and do not contact me again. He ALWAYS comes back/hoovers. Before I learned about NPD I thought he cared about me, now I know that is not the case. I live near mine and work at same company so I'm moving on but it has taken some time cause he still pops up every now and then. I sent my exN a nasty text after he was hoovering me again a month or so ago. I didn't get a reply but Sunday he sent me a text saying "Are you done with your tizzy?" He just wants to stay in control and give you scrambled eggs. Thats all they care about, keeping us on our toes, they don't care about us or anyone, just keep that in mind, its like talking to your toaster or a pair of jeans etc.

#6 Dec 6 - 11AM (Reply to #22)

Victim-no-more

Lisa

Something you said has summed it all up for me in my particular case. When you said "they just think in the moment." Bulls eye! This is why his life is so chaotic and unstable. Consequences are never even thought about. This is why he hoovers.....at that moment its what he needs. This really really is like a lightbulb for me.thanks! I would also like to comment that here it is the next morning after the hoover,i did not dream of him last night and the hoover was not my first thought upon waking. Something in my head is getting it. Even though ive only been NC for 2 wks, I haven't seen him in 6 mo......and haven't had much contact with him due to being discarded so I think this plays a huge role in how I'm feeling. I think I see light at the end of the tunnel!!!!

#7 Dec 6 - 12PM (Reply to #23)

Lisa87

VNM

Good job, yes you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!! Doesn't make it easy when they hoover. I found it was best to block him from every angle and that way I had no idea when or if he was texting me. We were all fooled into thinking they care about us. Sucks when we learn that they only need supply for the moment. They don't think of the consequences at all. Its all about them and that's it. My ExN was involved in our lives, my kids lives, my family, friends etc. He did so much for my kids and spent so much time with them, took us away, etc. Hard to believe it was all the make himself feel good while he was probably still talking to OW at the same time he was with me almost every day and we were living in his house. My suggestion is to block him from every way possible so you don't get that twinge or sick feeling when hoovers. I remember very clearly, now I can just laugh at what a fool he is. He lost me for good, that's his problem now. Glad you are thinking less and less about him, they sure do throw us off when they hoover, thats why its best to block and go NC for good!!!! Contact = Pain is soooo right and the D&D's get worse if you fall for their hoovering. We have all learned that lesson the hard way. Best of luck, you are doing great!!!

#8 Dec 6 - 9AM

dazedandcnonfused

The come back

I'm thinking the same thing. Why do they come back? What is it that they want? My ex did a huge d&d number on me 4 months ago. I never thought the pain would stop. I received several more mean messages over the 4 months letting me know how much he never wanted to talk to me and to remind me that it was all my own doing. I was horrible at establishing NC. With each message I couldnt help but to respond back. Until about a month ago I did it. I went silent on him. No more responses back. Now he is back like nothing ever happened. Wanting to be friends again. Im going back into therapy TODAY! So no answers from me just more questions brewing!

#9 Dec 5 - 11PM

Done sourcing

Why did he call? 1. Lonely

Why did he call? 1. Lonely for a moment 2. Horny 3. Thought you were Mom 4. Wanted to piss you off 5. Testing the waters 6. Had a plan to d and d you all over again 7. Doesn't have a cat to torture 8. Wants to tell you how happy he is without you 9. Wants to tell you how unhappy he is without you 10. Because you haven't blocked this new number yet Block the number or at least store it and name it DO NOT ANSWER, so that you see the words DO NOT ANSWER if he calls again from that number. Great job sharing and not buying into the pain. ds

#10 Dec 6 - 12AM (Reply to #19)

ReclaimingPower

Such an important reminder, thanks DS!

...it's so humbling but so important to see this time and again. The more time that passes and the more flashbacks that surface where I realize he was texting or calling others when he was WITH me, the more I can see how his hoover attempts are when I know he is typically in situations were he is with other women. I'm SO glad 1) that is NOT me anymore being duped; and 2) I've taken away his control by NOT being able to reach me by phone or email. Bwa ha ha ha ha. Okay, I know, that was mean, but it felt good. :)

#11 Dec 5 - 9PM

Winter

Aha! CD?

A good example fot another topic tonight. Remember, you wrote you deserve better? But over all, you WANT better. He has nothing to give to a beautiful and interesting girl you are. I hope Hunter will be there soon with the best of advice: D----E, D----E, D----E (fill in the missing letters) No needs to understand the disordered. Think about you and your reaction, try to analyse yourself. Believe me, it is much more interesting and exciting! Love Winter

#12 Dec 5 - 10PM (Reply to #9)

Victim-no-more

So im having an unusual

So im having an unusual reaction. I am sitting here smiling, chuckling. Know why? Because it was only a few weeks ago when I texted him telling him I hoped his silent treatment would be permanent this time around and that he is a worthless sack of shit and that he was a predator and had npd and that I hated his guts and that he was the biggest loser I have ever met. Do they forget these things? Do they think we are just joking? Its like if someone spoke to me the way I spoke to him I would never speak to them again. And tonight he's just hey there how ya doin.......like we are close friends who have been out of touch for awhile. I think he thinks I say those things out of anger but that I don't really believe it. I've called him everything but a child of god and he acts like it never happened. Lol. Poor thing. I pity these people they are clueless. Robot robot robot

#13 Dec 5 - 11PM (Reply to #15)

ReclaimingPower

It blows my mind. Before I

It blows my mind. Before I knew what a Narc was and we exchanged a couple of notes where I said I was done, don't contact me, I don't even want to be friends, had my say, blah blah....and he had the nerve to say he understood and wished me well (jackass)....two weeks later I got a text that said "Are you still not talking to me?" WTF? True to form, when I didn't answer, he got spiteful. I saw it all go down with new eyes. That was the tailspin that sent me to the web to find out what the hell I was dealing with. I stayed NC and a month later a nasty email arrived to get a reaction out of me. I still stayed NC and then his tactics changed to try and charm me back and I knew I'd be in trouble so I blocked and changed numbers, etc. The more I read here and online, the more textbook the actions. But I can't wait till he's not even a passing thought or bad memory. So glad you didn't respond -- it's gonna start eating at him. While you are strong and have this validation, I'd block now so you can avoid seeing his disorder unfold further. It has a sickening effect after a while that will keep you trapped waiting to see what his next move will be. :/

#14 Dec 6 - 12AM (Reply to #16)

Victim-no-more

I think he called from a

I think he called from a landline tonight. The last time he called it was another #. I'm wondering if he even still has a phone. The last time we talked he told me a dog had eaten his phone.....but that was an excuse for why I hadn't heard from him too....

#15 Dec 6 - 12AM (Reply to #17)

ReclaimingPower

I soooo believe it!

First time I blocked his number and I got two hang up calls in one day. It's like he couldn't believe he got through; that I actually had the nerve to block his number. When I did a reverse search look up I found the number was from an office in the same line of work as his nearby to his office. I'm sure he tried to call me from one of his client's sites. That very afternoon I wrote here on the board and Hunter and others encouraged me to change my number. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to not jump every time I get a text or compulsively glance at my phone anymore. You don't even realize you're doing it after a while. It's so freeing.

#16 Dec 5 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

nomoredenial

Its just pain crazy isnt it

Its like it just doesn't register with them

#17 Dec 5 - 10PM (Reply to #10)

empath

don't bother making sense of what doesn't make sense

Aren't they just creepy and bizarre? Classic hoover and you handled that so well! Stay NC and dont give it another thought. Analyzing just feeds the beast.

#18 Dec 5 - 11PM (Reply to #11)

Mindful Aviatrix

Hoover ?

Hi folks . . . I'm the new kid on the block here. For the life of me, I can't figure out what you're referring to when you use the word "hoover". I'm thinking that it can't be a vacuum cleaner, though. Can someone please enlighten me ? Many thanks !

#19 Dec 5 - 11PM (Reply to #12)

Victim-no-more

Its when they show back up

Its when they show back up after they've been gonefor a bit. They are trolling for supply. It is an attempt to suck you back in in some way.....hence hoover, as in vacuum....suck

#20 Dec 5 - 11PM (Reply to #13)

Mindful Aviatrix

NOW I Understand

Thanks so much for the explanation ! I wasn't so far off when I was thinking about vacuum cleaners in the first place !

#21 Dec 5 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

nomoredenial

oh YAYYAYAYAY

that makes two of us, Mine just finished a spiritual workshop so I got invited to a couples seminar and a $50 gift card for food (first time since he left the kids 4 months ago and a comment saying things are tight I hope this helps, because after all my money grows on trees)

#22 Dec 6 - 8PM (Reply to #3)

Redhead1

When my narc hoovered, he was

When my narc hoovered, he was depending on me getting over the D&D and being the good little supply I had been for 20 years. Only the last D&D, he got a suprise:) I am over it, but wise because of it. They are freaks. He even mentioned to one of our kids a couple of weeks ago that he thought we'd be good friends one day. We havent talk for a year and a half. HELLO Narc, I'm done:) Their time does stand still, until they want it to change.

#23 Dec 6 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

Victim-no-more

I understand why they come

I understand why they come back, its just the whole pretending that nothing has happened and like we are buddies that blow my mind. Do they erase it or do they just think that if they act this way, it is the best approach?

#24 Dec 6 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

Done sourcing

We really should by now

We really should by now understand that Narcs don't think of us as people. They think of themselves as people who need things, and people are one of the things they need...we are objects to them...objects are for using...and that is what we are to them. It is not that what we perceived as reality was seen the same way by them and then erased by them...it was never recorded in the first place. We didn't know their real intentions, or the fact that to them it was a game played with an object ( we are the object), so we can't understand that they revisit to see if the object is available for another round of their game playing. Sad, but simple. NC makes sense, in the light of their reality we are toasters to them. Why bother talking to or reasoning out with a person who thinks you are a toaster. ds

#25 Dec 6 - 10PM (Reply to #7)

Done sourcing

misclicked

#26 Dec 6 - 10PM (Reply to #6)

Done sourcing

misclicked

#27 Dec 6 - 8PM (Reply to #5)

Redhead1

In my case, it had just

In my case, it had just worked for him many times before.

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