I hurt, I hurt so much

I just hurt, I know he never ever loved me at all. I was fooled completely and I never loved so deeply. It's been 18 weeks and I still think of him constantly. I even dream about him. I ache never leaves me. As the time passes I have become nothing. I can barley function. But the pieces of his real motives for me start to come together. I am forgotten like yesterday's trash. Not even an after thought to him, not sorrow or regret, rather a victory for him. I shamelessly send him texts pretending they were misdirected and he doesn't respond. The conflicting beliefs of him in my mind change 100 times in the course of a day, the only constant is the pain and pain so deep I hurt in places didn't know could hurt. This man has destroyed my life, every part of my life. And he laughs.
Even my beauty has faded. I look haggard and disheveled. I sunk so low in this relationship. My values, beliefs, boundaries and standards were washed away like sand in the tide. There is nothing left of me. Nothing but the illusion. Was I of so little worth that this man couldn't muster one drop of decency in his being? Did I really believe I was worth so little that I groveled and begged? I accepted things no human should. Only to be assaulted and lied about in court and then be denied and justice. While he laughed. The fantasy died when I force myself to look at the present. What is happening right now in this moment. He is not here, he never was, he used, and abused me and my dog he abused horribly he never loved me he hated me. He saw a beautiful successful caring decent woman and set out to destroy me like he was satan himself. How can one reconcile that in her mind? That a human is capable of such atrocities? And he goes to sleep in moments. Not a worry or concern in his head. While I lie here with my soul bleeding in agony.