I have a theory...

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#1 Jul 22 - 9AM
Better than ever
Better than ever's picture

I have a theory...

I think that many of these Narc's use us, their former girlfriends as an excuse not to get too close to their new lovers....They may talk about us, compare us to the new lovers, and just tell them that they aren't over us. Not that any of this is true, just a way to keep them at arms length, to create distance......just a thought....

Jul 24 - 2PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

mine never discussed his old GF's...

or ever compared me to anyone but something weird did just happen: The very bleached blonde hooker looking lady on FB who recently chopped her big nose off just DYED her hair my EXACT color which is somewhat distinct - golden brown. it could be a coincidence or it could be she found pictures of me at his place...I am sure now that she is NOT his GF and he says he does not have a GF but probably she is one of his booty calls trying to figure out why he is D and Ding her. She also looks even more hoe-ish with a short cocktail dress hiked up purposely almost to crotch with both thighs hanging out, flabby arms and a big cocktail in her hand - nice huh...I mean he really went low...she has no neck like a troll and looks looks early 40's - too old to be trying to be a flashy bar girl...I am not jealous nor do I hate her...he is the weirdo. Even though he does not want me maybe they do like women to compete. I know I sent him a pic of me in a nice dress trying to impress him (when we were together, I sent pics of me in t-shirts!). I am ashamed that I actually did this - to show him I still look good. I am slowly detoxing from this whole nightmare - going to enjoy the sun now...
Jul 24 - 7AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

It's not to keep them at a

It's not to keep them at a distance, it's to get the supplier to want them even more! They are fool time, professional manipulators. Don't forget that!
Jul 23 - 1PM
lavendar19
lavendar19's picture

I would like to chime in on

I would like to chime in on this because I'm the woman he would compare girlfriends to. I spoke to 2 of his exes and they both told me they always thought he was still in love with me with the way he talked about me.. (all a tactic, Ns dont love anyone but themselves). And rest assured, when we were together, he would be far from "in love" with me. On the surface, his exes would see us and feel miserable, one of them supposedly on antidepressants and had apologized to him for not being as perfect as he was... man, was he GLOWING at this statement ..lol. But when we were alone, everything just fell apart as usual. We were the couple everyone saw in public as being married one day and so in love etc etc. Being in the position of the main woman at one point and the other woman at another, I can safely say that almost everything they say/do is thought out and is a tactic. This man never loved me, but he compared his exes to me to make them work harder for his attention. It's all about him him him, not you, not the other woman.
Jul 23 - 1PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Oh absolutely , mine use to

Oh absolutely , mine use to compair me to his ex girlfriend (she could walk on water apprently ) so you can rest assured that he will use that line on future girlfriends about us as the best indication on future behaviour is past and lets face it a narc knows just what to say to keep us in a state of confusion and the old comparison trick of the ex is a beautie for killing our esteem . Scoop x
Jul 23 - 9AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Fictional literary characters

The ex-Psych prof didn't bring up ex-girlfriends or ex-wives with me. He'd talk about sharing a house with 7 other men when he went to the University of Virginia, he'd ogle men when he was with me... so when he put me in competition with other women (a classmate of mine/colleague of his who died a couple of years ago was one),it sometimes worked. He wanted me to compete with his circle of male followers, who apparently got philosophical bon mots as he strutted around in his beret while I didn't. To make matters weirder, he'd compare me to literary characters in "War and Peace" INSTEAD of real-life ex-girlfriends/ex-wives. At least an ex-girlfriend/ex-wife is flesh&blood. A fictional character exists only on the page. He'd compare me to Princess Lisa, whose cerebral Narc husband Prince Andrei verbally abuses her, then abandons her while she's pregnant, leading to her death in childbirth. He'd say "You're like Princess Lisa, your face is saying 'Why are you doing this to me?'" He'd compare me to Natasha Rostov, asking me why I was always happy. He'd even say, "When you come of age, you will no longer sing"-because Natasha stops singing after being involved with the psychopath Anatole, and after marrying Pierre. He'd compare me to the psychopathic Helene, who's Catholic, because I'm Catholic. Unreal.
Jul 24 - 6AM (Reply to #20)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

AND he wore a beret!

From all I've read about this guy, he needs a serious ass whooping. I'd be glad to do it if only for his wearing a beret. :):):)
Jul 24 - 8AM (Reply to #21)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Beret Boy

Was his nickname! Not afraid to use it again! If he's still wearing a beret, well, I DO NOT KNOW.
Jul 23 - 8AM
repressed memory
repressed memory's picture

Your Theory is Correct

That is their intention - to keep you at arm's length and never letting you get too close. But what they don't realize when their pushing you away, you just may be standing next to a cliff or pushing you into the arms of another man. They will even manufacture info if they have to about other women. Also, they like the drama of seeing women fight over them. I think that is why they choose women who know one another. Sick!!
Jul 23 - 3AM
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

Good point.My Narc did this

Good point.My Narc did this to me in the beginning. He had broken up with his gf of 4 years about a year before we got together. I think he used it as an excuse at the start of our relationship for his committment issues....actuallyhe used it for a whole year almost. No doubt he will use me as an excuse not to get too close to the next person.
Jul 23 - 3AM
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

Good point.My Narc did this

Good point.My Narc did this to me in the beginning. He had broken up with his gf of 4 years about a year before we got together. I think he used it as an excuse at the start of our relationship for his committment issues....actuallyhe used it for a whole year almost. No doubt he will use me as an excuse not to get too close to the next person.
Jul 22 - 11PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

There is a term for your theory...

It is called traingulation...it's one of the narcs favorite tools. Hugs!
Jul 23 - 1AM (Reply to #15)
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Omg! Another thing! EXN used

Omg! Another thing! EXN used to talk about his ex ALL the time. It made me so insecure! He'll probably do the exact same thing with his next victim. Ugh
Jul 22 - 6PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I think

all they want is entertainment. When one woman tires of being the cheerleader/jester, contortionist. Or the N is no longer entertained by her, NEXT!
Jul 22 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
Erali
Erali's picture

Contortionist is a great way

Contortionist is a great way to describe what we become! I agree with you, they want entertainment, which comes in the form of jumping through hoops. It's like a circus!
Jul 22 - 5PM
Erali
Erali's picture

I totally agree! I think they

I totally agree! I think they use all of their past relationships as excuses, or anything they can come up with! When I asked my ex about his past relationships he said "Oh you know, shit happens." He was supposed to be married at some point, and "shit happened." It happened with the one just before me too, and is probably happening with the current one. So, if we go along with the "the common denominator in all of your relationships is you" theory, guess what that makes him!
Jul 22 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

if you hang

with them shit always happens, and happens, and happens....
Jul 23 - 9AM (Reply to #11)
Erali
Erali's picture

Haha, yeah it will never end.

Haha, yeah it will never end. They have a bottomless pit of BS stored away somewhere in their brains.
Jul 22 - 6PM (Reply to #8)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Erali

funny you mentioned that, because when I wrote to him, who is the common denominator in your 5 failed long term realtionships, he went beserk on me and called me every name under the sun, I must have hit a bulls eye!!
Jul 22 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
Erali
Erali's picture

Wow, you definitely touched a

Wow, you definitely touched a nerve there! Taking responsibility for their own past is not on their "to do" list. *Eye roll*
Jul 22 - 5PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

mines going around telling

mines going around telling everyone hes scared of women now. the pity card is bound to suck a whole lotta of women in. He met his moses with me, in the end he couldnt even think about farting and I already knew about it. I think hes worried im psychic. H ha ha ha ha
Jul 22 - 11AM
Used
Used's picture

MY TAKE

EXN TALKED NON STOP ABOUT 3 OF HIS EX,S....HOW HE JUST WALKED OUT IN THE END COS THEY WERE SLUTS/LAZY/USEING HIM/DRUNKS/ DRUGGIES....I HAVE FOUND OUT SINCE THEY ALL LEFT HIM....I THINK THE ONE,S THAT KICK THEM TO THE KERB ARE THE ONE,S THEY GO ON ABOUT.... JUST HAD A THOUGHT...AFTER OW CAME AND TOLD ME THEY HAD BEEN IN A R/S...HE THEN BEGAN DEFAMING HER AS WELL...AND I SAID OH HAS SHE DUMPED YOU HE WENT BALLISTIC....ME THINKS THE NARC DID PROTEST TOO MUCH...
Jul 22 - 9AM
Reddley
Reddley's picture

I have a different theory on it.

My ex N always talked about his ex wife. Drove me nuts, made me feel inadequate and just plain shitty. When I told him it bothered me and I felt like I couldn't replace her... he shit a brick and I got the silent treatment for days after wards. Thing is if he wasn't lying to me about her... she was the perfect NS for him. He could go forever without sex and intimacy... apparently so could she. They were both quite happy with sex once a month. She had her masters in chemistry and he was working in retail... stocking shelves. She always bought him expensive crap. He's average looking... she was gorgeous according to him. No wonder he died a little inside when she kicked him out. Yeah, she owned the house. Shocking eh? I'm not convinced that they do this to keep us at a distance, but rather to start breaking us down. Picking at our failures, inadequacies... real or fictitious... either way you begin to believe you aren't cutting it and are getting more then you deserve by being with him.
Jul 22 - 9AM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

That's exactly what

That's exactly what CharlieSheenWinning did to me! He told me he still wasn't over his ex-fiance who had broken up with him 2 years prior. That was the final straw. So, I ended things with him by saying if 2 years and our relationship didn't get him over her nothing would. I literally said, "I give up on you. I'm hanging my jock and hitting the showers. I'm DONE." But then he met up with a woman the very next day. He'd met her only once before. They started spending 24/7 together and *married* 3 weeks later! How does one explain THAT?????
Jul 22 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
dazed
dazed's picture

Just a guess?

How do I explain it? Disordered POS?
Jul 22 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Yep, that explains it. :)

Yep, that explains it. :) As long as POS stands for piece of shite, that is. :):):)