I have a question...

A bunch of good answers. I thought maybe it was one of those standardized things N's do that I just didn't know the answer to, but I guess it's just more sick & twisted garbage! HAPPY FRIDAY!

Really, can we even begin to understand how these people work? Or why they do or say the things they do? I know it's a curious thing. I've tried to understand but my normal, down to earth, happy brain just can't do it. And I figure yours can't either. They are a curious bunch.

He was looking in the mirror and saw his reflection. Narcs will say the weirdest things and then later say they didn't say it in the first place. Some are just sick. And some are sick and evil. Maybe she died during the idealization phase. Maybe she was deaf, dumb, and blind. Maybe she was a drag queen. Maybe it was Carrot-top! Maybe she still talks to him---the only one left that will. Don't let yourself forget they lie, cheat, and steal at will with no remorse! ds

When dealing with a Narc you have to ask yourself what if anything they tell you about themselves or their past is true except for what you can see with your own eyes. He probably wasn't telling you the truth about the "red head" or any of the other women... She could be someone he made up in his mind or someone he is targeting next. They are LIARS and will tell you anything to get the reaction from you they want.

Probably he never even got that close to her. She probably walked away very early on, leaving him with nothing but a complete fantasy image that never got sullied in his mind. He probably barely remembers anything about her besides superficial physical details. It makes him feel good to think that he had a "healthy" experience with at least one woman who didn't come to utterly despise him -- in truth, they probably only went out two or three times, and he has built it up and deluded himself into thinking that they had some sort of "relationship." Sounds like he doesn't even remember her name, actually.

He's probably scared of her. They're in awe of those they fear the most. After the final D&D, the ex-Psych went on a rambling little bit of nonsense about how I was supposed to admire&hate him. SIMULTANEOUSLY. It made my head ache, frankly. The ex-P was badmouthing me to his students, doing a smear campaign during the final D&D... but I think he was probably give his colleagues word salad-admiration, hatred, fear, so confusing one couldn't tell head from tail. At the time of the final D&D, I was reading "Anna Karenina",and the ex-P's perfect literary equivalent is the cerebral Narc Alexei Karenin. Alexei admires her... because she has the ability to leave him with deep narcissistic injuries. He has an emotional shell;he knows she can penetrate it. I think Ns/Ps admire those who don't buy their BS. I think your ex-N admires the Redhead because she didn't buy his bull... and she was probably the one who left him and went NC. Ns/Ps admire what they don't and can't have. If they have it, they don't want it. If they don't have it, they want it very badly.

I think they idealize a woman for a variety of reasons...to boost their ego and make it seem like they were good enough to have obtained a "catch" of that caliber, to triangulate us with the ghost of this "perfect" woman, exploiting our natural tendency to "compare" ourselves to the OW, even if the OW is nothing more than the N's mythological projection...and also so that they can feel the forlorn romantic hero with a broken heart, giving them some sort of justification for going around breaking hearts. It is not that they valued the OW, as they have objectified her just as much as they have objectified us. She remains a source of supply to him, in fulfilling this role he has created for her. Remember, Ns distort and rewrite history to better facilitate NS. They are misogynistic and maladaptive and do not think for a second that this this superficial expression ofwhat he says is the perfect woman, is really all there is to the story. If she were so perfect for him, she'd be with him now. You can be sure she has gone through her own personal hell in getting away from him and to make himself feel like less of a jerkoff and having to be honest with himself for how badly he knows he treated her, he will forever memorialize her as the one thst got away and the one that broke his heart. I had experienced this very vividly in a previous relationshit with another N, not the N that I am referring to in my posts.

I am not a veteran, but... One of the diagnosed narc who use to be my friend (only!) also had just one woman in his life that he would not talk with contempt. When she left him and went NC, he was miserable. He never said one wrong word about her. I think he actually "loved" her in his way. He said: "She is so independent and self-sufficient" Could that be an answer?

mine had 4 previous relationships and spoke with contempt for wife#3, the rest not so much, but he had awe for this woman he was just friends with, she would not sleep with him many years ago but she told him she had had an abortion and he was so in awe of that, do not ask me why. she had a lot of influence over him for some weird reason and did not live in the same state as him. He had hatred of all women and scared as well.........

LOL! That's his fantasy perfect woman in his head all other women have to measure up to, you know, the one that doesn't even exist. Wasn't that Charlie Brown's crush? "The red haired girl"? Hahahaaa!!! love~ Layla http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Red-Haired_Girl