I hate this Loser

17 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 15 - 6AM

ewa

I hate this Loser

I am extremely angry. I found out my exN is bullshiting 2 girls now. Sending the flowers to one and taking another one for the holidays. One of them is very sensitive and she believes she is important to the N. And i believe she is only the back up which will be probably used as the second one has quite a strong character.
What i wanted to say i know can see what I was for him. I felt like one of his object, this words he said to me were so fake as this what he says to them now. I can not really accept that i was in such situation and didn't really see what was going on...and i am so angry with him. Almost braking NC just to tell him he is just a junk for me which i would like to remove from my memories. I am starting to hate him really much.

#2 Jul 15 - 7AM

NancyM

EWA as far as this might

EWA as far as this might hurt.... it is only you that is important now!! You cannot hold yourself responsible for anybody else. FULL STOP!! You can see what you were? If you have a jealousy then you are not seeing it. You are still holding onto a fantasy. It is a hard bridge to cross honey. Cross it!! It is ok to get angry..get pissed.. get even, but the most important thing is KEEP MOVING!!

Nevergoback

#3 Jul 15 - 7AM (Reply to #16)

ewa

I have no jealousy, am

I have no jealousy, am really sorry for this girls he is now. He is not saying truth to both of them. I know they can get hurt. I will keep moving thank you NancyM.

#4 Jul 15 - 7AM

Happy1

He's a ballsack! Don't give

He's a ballsack! Don't give him an ounce of your energy! I feel for the girls he's now trying to suck in Narc supply for, but I wouldn't send a note. He would love to hear from you! Good or bad and then he will think he has 3 and not 2 women.

#5 Jul 15 - 7AM (Reply to #2)

ewa

Yes you are right. I do not

Yes you are right. I do not want him to think he "has me". I very angry and i have the temptation to shout it into his face. I just stop myself because i dont want to be supply and i know it will not touch him at all. It hurts when you are realizing that you were an object for whole 3 years.

#6 Jul 15 - 7AM (Reply to #3)

Jazzman1

Find some comfort in the

Find some comfort in the fact that you only lost 3 years of your life and maybe, just maybe, the knowledge and insight you've gained will keep you from ever losing any more. (I've lost seven!)

#7 Jul 15 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

almostlydia

You should be angry about it

You should be angry about it - we all have been. It scares the hell out of me that it was even possible for so long (10 yrs). That's why it's so important to learn how it happened, the things we ignored that allowed it to happen, and how to never ignore these things again. My main objective now is to stop letting people take my kindness for a weakness. My problem is I let things slide when someone says or does something that doesn't 'sit well' until I think about it later, after the fact, and get mad too late. I want to learn to hear that little voice inside that says 'that wasn't right' and stop it dead in it's tracks right then. I know that once they get away with crossing one boundary they will then cross another and another until the day they wonder why I never return their calls anymore. Altho my exN assumed everyone was attacking him in some way, he did have great immediate comebacks where he could nail a person in the worst way and they didn't even know it. I used to always marvel at how he did it. ( see why I was such great supply) I have to say, I learned a few things from that. Recently, one of the friends I am cutting out of my life went on and on whining about the new person they had hired to take over her job while she was moving to a different position. I'm sitting there thinking, WTF!!! you're sitting there telling this sh*t to a 'friend' who has been unemployed for 2 yrs. that you didn't even think about throwing a lifeline to??? If the tables had been reversed I would've done everything in my power to have gotten that job for her because it may have just saved her life. But she's basically sitting there telling me in so many words that she didn't bother to even think about me and the seriousness of my situation. I have fumed about it for weeks. When she finally bothered to call 'just to see what I was up to' I sent her an email saying 'struggling to survive and staying away from situations that do more harm than good' (meaning her of course) She didn't get it. LOL, but she will. Sorry to have gone off on a tangent, but I'm just saying the things we learn from this can help us in all of our relationships not just the love life. I think it's important to learn how to not be victimized again by anyone. The one thing we all seem to have in common is that we are all possibly too kind and too empathetic and there are tons of people out there including friends and family that will take advantage. Pissed?? You have every right to be.

almostlydia

#8 Jul 15 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

ewa

Yes you are right, it could

Yes you are right, it could always be lost. I can't just accept the fact that i was so blind. That i rejected that all red flags, that i got addicted to sick relationship. And he knew what he was doing, he has used me to supply his needs and he was fully aware of it. And now when i am not in the relationship i can observer it from some distance. And i just wonder what is wrong with me that i have allowed him to use me, what is wrong with me that i haven't seen the evil in him, that i was doing everything to see him as a good man? How could i love such a person. And how can i still think about him every day?

#9 Jul 15 - 10AM (Reply to #5)

Happy1

I hear you ewa and i you

I hear you ewa and i you wrote exactly how I feel. I guess it's a life lesson and we are lucky to be out. I know I have thought the same about my ex-husband who told me was gay after 11 years of marriage and my son was 4 months old. He took my 20's away I thought. Well now I'm 38 and I got into something even worse. I feel like a failure of relationships and that's something I have to deal with. I don't feel I will ever be loved as a woman I guess. My ex was gay so he didn't love me that way and this N always told me I was too insecure to love and I ruined any chance of that. These are things we all have deprogram from I guess. The things they said and how they treated us. I guess this is why we think of them constantly. I know if there was a pill to take to not think of him ever again I would call my doctor. I'm just trying to think of my N as dead now and mourn him. The poor f-cking d-ck!

#10 Jul 15 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

ewa

Oh Sad1 if there was such a

Oh Sad1 if there was such a pill i would have taken in immediately. I think if somebody invented this kind of pill he would make big money. I was leaving work today, and then N was walking by the corridor and he said Bye Bye to me. I didn't even look at him and i did not respond. He knew i do not respond to his Bye or Hello, but he keeps saying it. And each time there was nobody around, so it couldn't be about how others see him. The poor f-cking d-ck nr 2!

#11 Jul 15 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

Happy1

ewa, I can clearly see the

ewa, I can clearly see the reason your N is saying 'hi' to you even when no one is around is to get to you. He wants to see he can still effect you. He wants his Narc supply. You're doing the absolute right thing by ignoring him like he just doesn't exist and you can't be bothered. I'm sure that pisses him off on the inside even though he doesn't show it. Good job!

#12 Jul 15 - 11AM (Reply to #8)

ewa

He has 2 new sources of

He has 2 new sources of supply, one of them really strongly shows the interest in him. I hoped it would save me from him showing any kind of attention to me - but not. Maybe this is because this sources are pretty new once and he still is not sure about any of them so he prefers to keep me as a back up. I do not understand anything anymore. Probably i should back off and change the job. I was counting on him to change the job, as during our ski trip he said he applied for position in other country, but he did not the position and he stayed. The carrier is very important for him so as long as he will not get better position. He will not move for any other reason then his job. No woman will make him to go away. I just hope it pisses him off like you wrote but i believe since there are new sources it does not bother him so much.

#13 Jul 15 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

Lisa E. Scott

Ewa

Be glad you're not one of his sources of supply right now. Like you said, I feel sorry for these two new women. You are free! xoxo

#14 Jul 15 - 11AM (Reply to #9)

Happy1

trust me ewa! He wants as

trust me ewa! He wants as much Narc supply as he can get. Angry or good he doesn't care. They want it all! keep up the good work!

#15 Jul 15 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

ewa

You may be right that he is

You may be right that he is hungry for as much supply as possible. I was always surprised how much important for him was attending all company parties and after work meetings and trips. Once he said to me when we had argument: I will lose you but at least i will have my friends (he meant other women. For him it was better to have few women and lose me then being with me and lose those women. That is so sick!

#16 Jul 15 - 12PM (Reply to #12)

Happy1

ewa

It's what they put in our heads is sick. these are the stupid statements that stick with us and make us feel insignificant. this is what they want. They tear us down. Don't take it on! I know I have told my N many times in our break ups that I won't take on his degrading and demeaning words. I know they don't listen. You are the better woman!

#17 Jul 15 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

ewa

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