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I hate him! I really HATE that man!

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#1 Sep 17 - 2PM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

I hate him! I really HATE that man!

He has done nothing new but I am so strangly angry at him! I hate what he has done to me and these AWESOME kids of ours! He has no idea that he even has a disorder! I am dying inside and I hate him for it! Gosh, I hope this is another stage and I am closer to my goal?

Sep 17 - 3PM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Oh gag me....

He backed out of marriage counseling weeks ago. His Mom (on my side), i know, weird, just called me and told me that he is showing up at my THERAPY today at 5pm to "Surprise me". Yea, jerk off asshole, thanks for taking that away too. This MOFO needs to die. Please Oct 27th can't come soon enough!
Sep 17 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

ruin my therapy?

I know I am angry (bear with me) even enjoy it if you can. But dammitt! Seriously, I had a busy week, paying all the bills and I schedule a friday afternoon session to vent and he thinks it's cute to "SHOW UP"? H thinks I will melt and say "Awe baby you do care?" NO GAG me..You took another fucking hour of my life asswipe. I really hate this SOB. I hope there are no sharp objects in that Dr. office today.
Sep 17 - 2PM
ClusterF
ClusterF's picture

Hear Hear

Do not let any ounce of sympathy, affection, sappy memories or ANYTHING seep back in. This will keep you safe. Learn from his horror and your ability to detect others like him will be hones and you'll not have to deal with a dangerous man again.
Sep 17 - 2PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I think we MUST hate them

I think we MUST hate them (at least for a while) in the beginning of our process of healing. Some folks "hate" to hate :( . I don't particularly like it, either. Really, what it is is righteous ANGER. A holy rage :D . Anger serves a very, very important purpose. Anger divides. It pushes us away from them. That is the purpose God gave us anger, or evolution, or whatever you prefer. It puts us away from the source of pain. I promise you, being angry with him is very healthy. Where it gets unhealthy is when folks lose their dignity and go off and act out their anger at their Narc. Always keep your dignity. I had so many fantasies of just smashing him, and gloating over his humiliation. I allowed myself these fantasies, but I did not allow myself to act them out, because then I would have looked like a nutjob too. I have my pride :D He deserves your anger. Every last ounce of it. On behalf of you poor children, too :( . He earned your anger. It's OK to hate him. Not that this matters to you now . . . but over time, if you just allow your anger and hatred to have it's space, it will diminish. It's a natural part of the process of recovery. Anger gives you energy :) Use it to write out and process the steps to recovery. Use it to seek out healthy new activities for you and the kids. Use it to get help for you and the kids. Using it against HIM is just gonna have you embarassed/ashamed of yourself, and maybe even get you arrested LOL!! The stuff I wanted to do to my exN would have certainly had me in prison!
Sep 17 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Alive
Alive's picture

hate

Great post! Thanks.
Sep 17 - 2PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

blue eyes

You hate him, and normally I don't like hate, but I can tell you from experience, it will keep you safe in this case. If you start to lose that disgust for him, he will hoover you back up again.
Sep 17 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

ShaynasMommy, you don't recognize me.

THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart. My old name was Timmy boy but Tim got sneeky and tried to spy on my online activity. I had to have a new name which has been a set back! I didn't realize the support I was getting here effected my every moment. I wish we all lived in the same town and can meet weekly! I have stayed the course of leaving, it just got harder! He is an inconsiderate, careless, selfish, mean, nasty, ugly piece of crap and I hate him with my whole body. I HATE to HATE, I like everyone. I HATE HIM! HATE HIM! HATE HIM! Trust, then verify~
Sep 18 - 4AM (Reply to #3)
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

would love to meet everyone

omg....i totally wish we had a meeting place support group too...just like AA....and we had sponsors...anyway, i was thinking about the hate thing..and i really hate my N...this is gonna sound horrible,but i don't think i'd cry or have any emotion if he died....well,one emotion,relief....if this makes me a bad person,oh well....................