I hate

I hate how much I LET HIM control,

I hate how I feel like I wont have anyone else (because he always made me feel like it was US vs. the world)

I hate how I wake up every day and think about him, he is in my dreams and in my thoughts as I lay down.

I hate how every time I hear my phone, I jump in anxiety,

I hate how I go to the door in the morning looking for an apology.

I hate how I fear going to work, in case i might see him . (we work for same company)

I hate thinking he is smiling and happy with OW/NS

I hate that I am on 2 weeks NC, and it still feels like day ONE

I hate the cognitive disonance

I hate being in my kitchen and knowing I can not have someone to cook for anymore

I hate the memories of us happy, and have to immediately think of negative things to get through a day.

I hate that no one believes me, I am so glad I have this forum at least

I hate going to all the stores we use to occupy

I hate everything in my house, cuz he bought me SO MUCH

I hate that my neck hurts today, and he use to rub it for hours, but knowing now he was just FAKE!

I hate not knowing where my life is going, because I let him take me on the longest ride to hell.

I hate that I wasted so many years, and could of been with a REAL man, that REALLY LOVED ME

I hate not knowing when this pain will stop.

I hate that I am now just another EX of his, that is deemed crazy and am in this position

I hate that I feel like HE WON, and is laughing at me ( I saw him laughing as I walked away)

I hate not knowing what to do with all his sh*t he left here, and most of it is NOT HIS, but his families.

**I hate that my child was hurt in the process of this all!!**

Its funny, I never use to use the word hate, which brings me to the thing I HATE THE MOST : I HATE WHAT I HAVE BECOME, and I allowed it and he gets to claim credit that he destroyed me.

Yes, this is my mini pity party- but I had to get it out!

I hope to make it to step 4-6 !