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I feel lower than low!!!

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#1 Dec 9 - 12PM
alicat
alicat's picture

I feel lower than low!!!

Last week I posted about my exN contacting me again and we ended up spending the weekend together. He said he wants to take things real slow and not involve the kids yet. I have 3 boys and he has 1.

Anyway, I fall for the stupid shit!!!! We would text off and on and then yesterday he said he may bring his son over. Then he text back and said not tonight but soon.

He made plans with me for Saturday then text me today and said he is going to his Christmas party and would have to reschedule. I pretty much told him to fuck off! I am not being disrespected anymore. He said he knew I couldn't handle it. He is just so mind fucking me its unbelievable.

I can't believe that I believed there would be a glimmer of hope! Is this normal to happen? I def feel stronger! I am not wallowing in my tears anymore. It just disgusts me that he could treat me that way. Very sick. Most of you know my story. There is no way a monster like this will ever change. Ugh!!!! Thanks for listening!!!

Dec 9 - 3PM
alicat
alicat's picture

Thanks for dedicating that

Thanks for dedicating that song! I loved it! It is sooo true! :)
Dec 9 - 2PM
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Hey alicat...sometimes we

Hey alicat...sometimes we have to go back to learn that they truly are disordered. It sounds like you have received your confirmation and now you can move forward without looking back. :) HUGS.
Dec 9 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
alicat
alicat's picture

Yes!TNR1 You are right! It

Yes!TNR1 You are right! It hurts, but I know now I can't ever look back. Thank you!
Dec 9 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Hey Alicat...I'm dedicating

Hey Alicat... I'm dedicating these songs to you today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl3mWSU0rwc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRn5d0a4Puw But you don't need to stick around to watch him get knocked down. :)
Dec 9 - 2PM
alicat
alicat's picture

Thank you all! I guess I

Thank you all! I guess I needed this reality to slap me in the face. I see now that things will NEVER change! I'm just glad I am stronger now to handle this better. I am not 100% but know in the future I will be. I am so grateful for everyone here. I just need to get back to NC and make it stick this time!!!!!
Dec 9 - 2PM
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

alicat...

sometimes we lapse. We want to believe so badly in the good in them and deny the bad....I remember wailing to my therapist "I just dont want him to be bad!!!" Like its up to me???!!:) Do not beat yourself up. We lapse and we learn. If at first you dont succeed..... Mine did that to me too...I spent time with him hoping for the man I thought he was to be "in there" and then he threw it back at me too. He said I woulndt let things go, didnt want to REHASH anything.. I was willing and desperate for him to be sincere..IF ..he did the work..if we made a plan... Mine was NOT CAPABLE! Mine is SICK! And mine was juts using me to fill time!! Ater that I learned "NEVER AGAIN!" hang in there .
Dec 9 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I think breaking contact mid

I think breaking contact mid stream is a good thing.. I just cleans up any loose ends .. It validates the disorder... It happened to me 6 months into NC.. He called.. Long story but he was insane.. It hurt for a day or two but the hurt was because reality smacked me square in the face.. "NUTS" was alive and well.. Stick a fork in it.. done.. Like I told Sea.. It time to move on.. Hunter
Dec 9 - 1PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Alicat

It happened to me over and over until I got some education into Narksville and finally got away. You are right. You don't need his shit, let him go dump it elsewhere. He is never ever going to change. Do yourself a favour and walk away and stay NC. Very convenient that after making plans with you for tomorrow that there is suddenly a Christmas party that he forgot about and he hasn't got the manners or respect for you to phone and explain - too afraid that you would explode and he couldn't handle that - of course not. They cause the aggro but can't face the consequences. Mine did that all the time and I always ended up feeling like the deranged one. It's their MO. Have to tell you - I smell a rat. Dee x
Dec 9 - 12PM
jackguy
jackguy's picture

You deserve a lot better

thank you for sharing this alicat. Sounds like you know you deserve 1000 times better than this.
Dec 9 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

alicat

Iam glad you feel STRONGER...so NC WILL BE THAT LITTLE BIT EASIER.... I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THIS SHIT EITHER.... HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T AGAIN....HIS FIRST RESCHEDULE SHOULD HAVE HAD YOU NC AND CHANGE YOUR NUMBER.....HIS CHILDREN ARE NO CONCERN OF YOURS ANY MORE, ALL HE WILL DO IS BRING CHOAS TO YOUR CHILD....THAT IS UNFAIR...
Dec 9 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
walking_on_sunshine
walking_on_sunshine's picture

Like used says, NC will be

Like used says, NC will be that little bit easier. Once you get absolute confirmation, there is no turning back. Malignant hope is totally dead, Its pretty much reality slap in the face.
Dec 9 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Ali, I think you've had

enough now...at least I hope so. BLOCK HIS ASS. CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER. You now see what we've been saying. Each time you go back the D & D's just get worse. Don't allow him to play with you and your life any more! Please, Ali. You had come so far. The longer you keep this disorder and chaos and confusion in your life the less time you allow for the true, nurturing, supportive and honest relationship to enter. Block him, Ali. Do it now. THESE FREAKS DON'T CHANGE AND THE DAMAGE JUST GETS WORSE. I say this from first hand experience. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. BUT WOULD LIKE TO SEND THESE FREAKS SPINNING RIGHT OFF THE PLANET

spinning