I don't mean to be crude BUT

Highschool sweetheart was constantly masturbating. Since we live across the country from oneI never wanted to see our marriage and family blown up. But I'm not seeing or feeling enough from u to think its capable or worth saving I guess. That's a critical element to me letting u back in. So that percentage varies day to day. another we had phone sex every night. He had me go buy vibrator. It was ok once in awhile, but not something I enjoyed on a daily basis. I know before and now after me he is back to the porn/masturbating. I was basically no more than interactive phone porn (with i phone pics) he once accidentally sent a picture of his (somewhat small) self to his wife instead of me. Which said "I am so hard for you" he totally freaked out when he realized he had sent it to her. He hung up the phone with me and tried to do damage control with his wife. (probably just banged her). Also, he would go limp when we were together. He couldn't keep it up for very long and he would get mad at me if I didn't have an orgasm before he lost his erection. He said sex with me was intimidating. He says he only had sex with his wife 3 times last year which I actually believe bc he probably can't keep it up with her either and just prefers masturbating to porn alone in his hotel room. He also fantasizes about men but swears he is not gay and has never done anything gay. Loves to watch the men in porn. Ugh!!!!

When you think about it, whatever a Narc does is oriented to self pleasure. Everything is "masturbation" to them. Without a concept of seeing other people as anything but objects, it's not a big jump to wonder if you were a masturbation toy rather than a sexual partner. My exN MOST of the time was concerned that I "got mine too". But if I didn't, or didn't "fast" enough or "often" enough or whatever, he was pissed off at me. Like I was depriving HIM of something. I see now that MY pleasure was just another facet of HIS, I didn't have pleasure for my sake, I had it for HIS, so he could feel like the Porn King or something. Bastard. Bottom line it made sex with him an anxious experience with him :( I couldn't just relax I had to perform for his sake. And ladies, I do NOT fake orgasms. I only HAVE them. It's just not in me. Another thing I relate with, and sure do see a lot in stories, is the six year old "crudity" around genitals and sex. Like if he didn't hold back real hard, he'd bust out giggling like a little boy who just discovered his willy. No offense at ALL to guys, if I had a willy for a day I'd understand. But it's the DEGREE to which a Narc is retarded into a nasty, crude little boy about sex. I made it perfectly clear to my exNarc that I didn't find it cute or funny, much less of a TURN ON, sheesh. It only made him do it more. Just like a little boy. Emotional retardation across the board, people. In every aspect of their lives.

The sexual nature of the EXN seemed to all be wrapped up in their false self. In truth, he didn't really want sex and used it as a weapon, mainpulation and punishment tool and as a way to hurt all the women that fell for him. Since he was lying and cheating on his 2nd wife, he had sexual affairs with other 3 women while giving her the cold shoulder. Also when she found out about the affairs he gave her the silent treatment and wouldn't answer her questions. Now the EXN has a really REALLy small peen. I mean SMALL.Tiny. Itsy bitsy. :0 So small in fact he could only perform in ONE or two positions. :( Now ladies, that IS small. So I didn't ever get to the Place of Enjoyment most couples reach together, this totally aggravated him and affected him. He eventually could NOT perform because in his mind he could NOT risk failing in the act over and again with me, Also, he would NOT ALLOW me to "fake" it and he was very "suspicous" on me in bed. WEIRD. I know. He would eye me closely as if he could sense I wasn't "really" enjoying it. Truely, only so much after the fact, can I see this more clearly. Instinctively I knew that he was a fake, and looking back on it, the only time he performed well was in the very beginning, when his "perfect" reflection was mirrored in my face, once that changed, everyting went down hill fast. Soon, too soon the ED hit. He would not even address it, he would just roll over, and vacate and fall asleep. This was not anything I had experienced with another man before, and I didn't know what to do. I remember googling it and being advised not to bring it up as an issue. So i didn't. Also, the OW and his wife compared notes - so much of the same with lots of sex then ..NONE. His Tactic: Lots of Attention, Affection, Sex then Cold shoulder, silent treatment, & avoidance. I will never forget the OW telling me that "he will come to miss all the sex we had and come back" I felt her comment really revealed what they both were in it for. I hoped I wasn't used just for sex or that sex wouldn't be the only thing he wanted from me. That I wanted him to come back because of love. (Then the blinders came off!) When reading up on narcs the sex issues are most certainly tied to mommy and especially perversion or deviant fetish acts in which the woman has sex forced apon her in a rough or degrading way all stems to anger at mommy.

See how crazy they are, and you want to meet him for lunch? Yuck!

My ex and I had a normal sex life - in fact, it was the best sex I've ever had - but he joked from the beginning about how he was constantly aroused. As time went on, he spoke about it more crudely. Stuff like that doesn't bother me, so I didn't care, but looking back, I can see how he went from talking about sex as "lovemaking" to telling me he was going to f* my brains out. I never thought about that before. Is that another sign?

Yes, they are disordered, mine never showed me his perverted side, but I found out by accident. The mask for me consisted of a gentleman who had been treated badly by every woman before me...the reality was quite different. I discovered he was sending videos of himself jacking off to ow and sending nude pictures - none of which he ever sent to me. Most are addicted to porn, you may never discover this side of him..it depends which role you played in his life. Mine had other email addresses I also knew nothing about until he made the mistake of sending me an email from one of them...stressing exactly what he was after from ow. It's disgusting and heartbreaking for the people they devastate, they have no conscience or fear of consequences because they believe they are too superior to be held accountable, therefore don't weigh up the outcome of their actions - EVER. They just don't care. I was in shock for months that he could do that to me when I was supporting him while his mother is dying of cancer and stood by him no matter what. But remember, it's not personal, this is their behaviour and they do it with everyone. x

I have a feeling they are, as you stated, onto sex activities morning, noon, afternoon, and night,,is something not wired correctly,,possibly,,are they looking to dominate others, and take them victim,,definitely. I think they have an abnormal sex drive that causes a lot of trouble. Problem is they know this, they know they are "not normal" and know that they take others as victim to play to their sexual whims. I could tell you stories, of the exN, at lunch, hard on at lunch, hard on a 10 am , hard on at 8 am, hard on at 5, goes home to live in OW, sex her, probably lots of others. Was he on viagra, I think so when he flahsed an RX and said "we are going to have some fun" and was taking herbal supplments to enhance "male sexuality" (gross,,,) I think they enter into this LACK OF DISCIPLINE mindset because they like to take risks, transcend boundaries, and take advantage of others. Plain and simple, they want to control and hurt others.

Girl this aint nothin compared to some of the stuff discussed on here so im sure no one is offended LOL. N's do not see sex in a healthy way. Lots of them of have perversion, porn addictions you name it. If you dont mind me asking how old is he? The reason I ask is when I was with the N (but actually im pretty sure he is borderline pd) the sex was normal and intimate now that it is 15 years later it was anything but normal even though it was only 1 time it was very different than my past sexual experiences with him. When we were younger we had a ridiculous amount of sex many days 3 times a day but I was equally hypersexual with him back then. The sex however was completely normal. This time it was like porn sex and then he got ED. I can see now how his personality disorder has progressed.