I don't know why this still hurts so bad..

Today didn't start off so good. Last night about 9pm he still hadn't brought back the kids so i texted him. Me:What time are you bringing them back? ExN:I'm bringing them back at 9:30pm. This is not an email, what happened to that rule? NO response from me.After he drops off the kids he texted me this ExN: 9:30 am tomorrow? ExN: Do you want them home by 6:30 tomorrow. I respond yes to all and nothing more. ExN:Ok thank you. I find this a little weird because he's been bringing the kids back to me on Sundays at 6:30 for the past 8 months. But i don't really think much of it. Today he texted me this and even though i'm not proud that i engaged in the text messages with him, i did some how feel a little better. Was i a bitch? YES i was and i'm ok with that.This is how the text messages went. ExN: If you don't mind can i skip today with them. There is a cold going around here and i don't want them to get sick. Can i just have them next sunday. Me:IF you can't get have them today that's fine but i have no intention in switching my Sunday with you. ExN: Why not? Me:because i have not interest in doing so when i have plans for us already. ExN: Ok but just remember there will come a day when you need something and i'm not going to have a problem not caring when that happens. Me:Oooh that sounds so scary! Are you picking them up or not? ExN:Hahahaha you're such a child. I don't want them to get sick so no. Me:Then don't text me stupid shit like that. I'm tired of your stupid remarks. Make sure and take good care of your OW. ExN: I'm tired of your stupidity, it's obnoxious at best. My concern is for them getting sick but you obviously care more about other things.I'll be there at 9:30. Me: I don't care for this shit. You should keep your comments to yourself then. Don't bother coming i already told the kids you weren't. I'm not doing this no/yes crap with you. Keep your comments to yourself then. ExN:You're a disgusting person and i can't wait to be divorced from you! Me:Yay!!! Looks to me like someone hasn't changed ; ) ExN:Hahahaha go look in the mirror my dear! Me: (yawn) Don't text me anymore. ExN:Ok not a problem. Happier without you regardless! Good day! Was i a bitch? Once again yes but i felt really good doing so because i realized that nothing he could throw at me could hurt me. Why would it? I've already seen the ugliest side of him. I felt good because i'm not going to just let him walk over me. Now i did not say anything to insult him as a person or to put him down. I just stated that i'm tired of his crap and i'm not going to put up with his shit anymore! But he has to no matter what get a low blow in there. Which is fine. I got ready and headed to church with my kids. I felt bad because my son was upset when i told him that his dad would not be picking them up because he said they were sick. My son says "That's not true. They were both fine yesterday. He's lying." We headed to church and i had to convince my son to join the kids room but he refused at first. Then he said he would if i would just walk him there. The preacher talked about forgiveness and how we need to forgive those who have hurt us. Wether it be a parent who was not there for us when we were little or if you married someone and loved them too much and they were not capable of doing the same for you. If your spouse cheated or hurt physically. That those of us who hold this pain and hatred in our hearts will only be miserable and it will bring you down. We must put all of the pain and the people who hurt us in a sack and close that sack and let the all mighty GOD deal with that. Because once we do we can allow love to enter our hearts and until them we will continue to be held down by the hate and the pain. I started to cry like a baby and i cried and cried and my friend and i went to the front of the church to say a special prayer for ourselves. She prayed for me. I prayed for my kids happiness to return and the preacher stood behind me and said a prayer for me. Which of course made me cry even more. When i sat down i felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and my kids came out of the childrens class and my son came running up to me with such a huge smile and told me how much he loved me and that his class was so much fun. He said he wanted to come back next Sunday and my daughter was just as happy. Something was lifted up from us and the rest of the day was so nice. We had lunch with my friend and then we went to her house to hang out with her and the kids remained happy the entire time. That in it self is a miracle because my son who is 7 has been in a really bad mood for the past month ever since his dad moved in with the OW. Did the day start off bad? Kind of but i made an effert to make it better for me and the kids. Forgiveness is something i will have to work hard on because in the long run it will only damage me to hold this inside. Have i sinned? Yes! When i really think about it my sin was to love a man too much to the point that i forgot myself in the process. I didn't stick up for my kids when he would bully them. I let my love and fear of loosing this person take over and rule my life. This cannot happen ever again. For i am just as important if not more than he is or ever will be. Because i am a women and a mother and my job is to make sure my kids feel loved no matter what. We are human and we all make mistakes but we must also forgive ourselves for our own mistakes. We need to love ourselves more!