I Can't Do This ANYMORE...It's Destroying ME!!!

Here is what happened today. My cleaning lady also cleans for my exN's house. I had her for a long time and when he needed someone I sent her there to help him. Well, she hasn't cleaned my house for 10 months because she had a baby. She still worked at my exN's but sent her mother to my house because she is older and mine is easier for her to clean. Her mother went back to the Ukraine to visit family so MY lady came back for the first time today.
She told me about OW and her 3 kids that have their stuff everywhere, how he has bought them expensive electronics (I did know that), they all went on vacation to a beautiful resort etc..She said I don't know but she has him wrapped around her finger. He has pictures of them everywhere and she leaves notes telling him what a good kisser and lover he is, how thankful she is that he is in her life, and that she will love him until she takes her last breath. I could feel the anxiety coming on.......I wanted to drop to my knees and cry like a baby!! I told her that when she comes to clean here I don't want to hear a word about him ever again!!

So why do I feel this way?? I thought those sick feelings about OW were gone. I have even said on this forum that the longer she gives him great supply I don't have to worry about a hoover. I don't want one!!
I have come so far on this site. At least that's what I thought. I have read Lisa's ebook, blogs, posts and have made comments here that made me feel like I get it now. I have preached to my pm friend that we just have accept that this is who they are even if we don't understand this sick disorder. I even told her that the thought of being with him now disgusts me!!

How are my words "I GET HIM NOW AND HE IS A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT" not sinking in? I know this to be 1,000 percent true, yet I still get upset when I hear about his new life and want to cry like a freakin' little baby!!

Looks like I am the Pathetic one here. How could I even care what the hell he is doing when I know he is a FAKE??? I guess it's because after 7 months he is still doing so much for her and her children. He never did those things for mine in 9 years.

I thought I was healing and now I don't think I am at all. I can't go on day after day feeling horrible. It is destroying me!!

I need a shoulder to lean on....Can I borrow yours?? :(

Loserfree