I can't do this

Hang on swan. I understand. We all do. That awful awful place of despair and hopelessness. I really identify. It seems there is no solution...I know I can't go back but it feels as if I can't go forward either. Life is crap with or without him. But I do know that the most awful of wounds heal if they are allowed to but if they are poked and prodded they carry on bleeding. Nc nc nc You aren't alone You are loved

Hey Swan...hang in there. We are all here for you. I like what Deidra suggested abou taking it one day at a time. You also may want to look into some activities to keep you and your mind busy. Volunteering is always a good option because when you volunteer you are helping others who need help (while helping yourself to gain yourself back). What I found most challanging was giving myself completely to someone who could never give me anything back. It broke my spirit as someone who wants to give and get validation in return. Volunteering has given me an opportunity to help cats that need homes and in return, I get all the snuggles and love from all these cats/kittens and thanks from other volunteers. Journalling is also something that can be so important...especially now that everything is fresh. You will want to write down everything (yes, all the bad things) so that when you are tempted to go back (our memories are funny things in that we tend to gloss over bad things) you can look at your journal and remember why you ended it. Last suggestion is to find a good therapist you can speak to honestly about your situation. If you ever feel like anything is too much...reach out to any of us either on the board or through a message. You are a beautiful, wonderful, worthy girl...don't forget that!!! HUGS

I’m sorry you’re hurting, swan. Gosh..we have all felt this way at one point or another. I know I have. (and I too did the breaking up part, so doesn’t matter who ends it, it still hurts) My advice? Take one day at a time. Tell yourself…TODAY, I WILL MAKE IT TO NOON WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS. Then, when noon comes…I will make it to 5pm with positive thoughts. I will not cave and will stay NC. Pretty soon, one day…will turn into two…and eventually, you won’t keep track anymore…you’ll be well on your way to recovery from all this. I promise you. BUT DO NOT BREAK NC. There are times when I have, and I gravely regretted it. Everyone here who has broken NC that I have read about, has gravely regretted it. So…while it’s hard now, it won’t be hard forever…if you stick with it. It’s hard to imagine life without the narc at first. Some of that is just normal break up emotional stuff. But, some of that comes from a place that the narc tapped into, that needs healing. Use this time away from him, as a time to soul search…and find out if there are places within yourself that need deeper healing…so, you don’t succomb to another narc in the future. Breaking up with one narc isn’t good enough. We have to find out why we tolerated abuse to begin with, to bring about sustained healing. I wish you well…and just live for today. Think of today only. Tomorrow will take care of itself, when you get there. {{hugs}}

Swan, I threw my abuser N husband out so I instigated the separation/break up as well.....that was almost three months ago. I too at times feel sad, and depressed but you know what? This is part of the grieving process, we really aren't missing "him" (or her, for our men here!)...it's normal grieving like us NORMAL people do......please don't confuse this with missing him...... He is disordered. He will NEVER fill that sad void in your soul. He NEVER will. Please try and remember that. These abusers stole from us. They latched on and started sucking our souls dry. You can and you WILL get through this but only if you remain NC with the abuser. Stay strong, and know everyone here can relate to your words, and your feelings, I KNOW that I can for sure!!! love~ Layla

I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE...I SAW NO POINT IN ANYTHING ANY MORE...I EVEN USED TO SAY TO MY SELF...SO HOW COME WICKED PEOPLE ARE STILL GETTING AWAY WITH IT AND GOOD PEOPLE GET THE SHIT..BUT IT DOES PASS..WHEN YOU HAVE GOOD PEOPLE[US] TO TALK TO AND ALSO TO UNDERSTAND RIGHT AWAY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THU...WE ON THIS SITE CAN EMPATHISE AND KNOW HOW YOU FEEL...THIS SITE BECAME THE LIFELINE THAT GOT ME THRU...I COULDNT TELL MY KIDS I FELT SUICIDAL AND WAS IN BED AGAIN...SO I SAID IT HERE AND I WAS HELPED BY PASSED AND PRESENT MEMBERS...LIFE IS WORTH LIVING, ITS THE PAIN THAT DEBILITATES US...PLEASE KNOW WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU...YOU ARE NOT ALONE...

Swan, I am crying as I read your post, as I feel the same way you do! I am in bed right now and finding it hard to get out. "Curl up in a ball and die".....I understand that more than you will ever know. I know that there has been something missing in my life for a long time now and he took advantage of that by saying and doing all the right things. I realize that that is why I am in this mess but really don't know how... unless I quit my vocation, I can end this. And, I don't know that at this time in my life, if I have the strength - or desire to end it. My prayers to you - and to all who are in this horrible situation.

Hang in there my friend. You can do this. Things will look better tomorrow, just take it one day at a time. We are all here for you and trust all of us when we say NC works. Love and strength xxx

You can do this and will, but get therapy, I have no support system either and still do not, other than this board and seeing a therapist off and on during the 15 years I spent with the narc, GET HELP for yourself, it is necessary for your life and well being. We are here for YOU.If I can recover and it took me several years, you will as well...

You CAN do this. I know it feels like youc can't right now but you CAN! I promise. I know it hurts but just think about how bad you hurt when you were with him. Going back or breaking NC is just not worth all of the pain he will inflict on you. YOU CAN DO THIS. We are all here to help!!! Staying NC will save you. It gets easier every day. My Narc keeps calling, emailing and texting and I don't answer him and I feel like I have some control back now. My life is not in constant turmoil. Hang in there Swan. PM if you need to chat. Sara

Swan, I am in the gutter too. But from here I send you HUGS my dear friend. It is hard..oh yes...when we are gassed out of every bit of finances. I will pray that all of here and all those victims in the world who have not yet found their way here. Blessings dear girl.

So many of your posts helped me. I know it is painful, even when we are the ones who left. That is how it was with me. He called many times, but no messages. I packed up and left for safety, maybe in the nick of time. I was almost one of these despondent victims, almost broken. When I have these moments, I think of the worse things he said and did to me, the things that are beyond normal, unforgivable, and cruel and sadistic. Then, I know I am right where I'm supposed to be, "out of harm's way," as my gf says. I also know that I can never talk to him then, bc there is so much sh!t to ever clear the air, too much. We'd have to have a dialogue a week long or more. Plus, he would never hear me, never see his part, blame me, I'd give him power bc he'd know my thoughts (why I left and how he hurt me), and there is no point or benefit for me in any of that. So, I accept nothing good can come from it or him. I have to. It was and is him or me, and so I must continue N/C. I must choose me. Hang in there, Swan. I hope this helps. You are stronger than you think. Hugs!

Swan, I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time with your healing process. You find yourself alone............with no support system. That is untrue, WE are your support system! Hang tight my friend, please! I/we all know how difficult this is. The pain of the loss, the mourning, it is all too unbearable at times. But, with each day, you move forward. Sometimes backwards as well. That is all part of the process. Good, it may be his last attempt. That is exactly what you need, for him to stop reaching out. Once there is absolutely no contact from either party, it will be easier for you to focus. I won't kid you though, it will take time to get through the period of him not contacting you, since that is what you are use to. Have you considered seeing a therapist? There is no shame in that what so ever. Please do if you don't already. Do not give this narc the power that he has. For you to see no value in your life? For you not to see that you are worth fighting for? He has done this to you single handedly and you can and will survive!! Like I said in an earlier post today, he raped your soul, you need to recover from that, and it takes time. You have been doing great! Today is just a setback. Your NC accomplishments are to be commended! You go girl! Keep up the good work! You are worth it! I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE never feel like you are alone. You are with us and we will help you to see your way through all of this. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP OUR BEAUTIFUL FRIEND!

Swan, you can do this. You can do this. We are here for you. I'm so sorry you are going through hell. Keep going. I can't write much now, but I want you to know that you do have a support system of mighty women and men that have been where you've been. Let us walk with you. The pain is soo deep and excruciating. It will get better. Your life matters. You are sacred and matter. There is no one that is exactly like you and this world needs you. Please cling to the thread of hope that you can do this. I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly. I'll write more later. But please, know that you will get through this. Adoette