I Blew It

Yes, I broke NC :(

Last week I lost my Father due to Parkinson's disease.
He had been quite ill for the last two years so I know he is in a better place.

When I was with my family I thought I was okay with everything, but being back home this week , and returning to work last Monday, I was alone in my grief. Not a good place to be.

My mind is all over the place.

Some of the people I deliver to had been told where I was by the driver that covered my route, and they have been very kind and understanding.

When I was at my ExN's work I told myself not to say anything about it, but of course I didn't listen to myself and I told him.

There was total silence and then he smiled? I think he was glad I hadn't been on vacation having a good time. He is an ass.

Here's where I messed up.

Yesterday I was stopped at a red light and so was he. As ridiculous as this might seem I sat there thinking, wave, don't wave,what the crap do I do?

I waved.
I didn't think he waved back, so I felt like an idiot plus I was mad because he's the a hole and I was being nice.

Without giving it any thought whatsoever I texted him,(Unfortunately I know his number by heart).
"What, you can't wave back?" (That's me being mean)

I thought he would ignore it, which would've been better, but he texted me back,
"You must be losing your sight, as well as your mind."

I realize that I'm not at all myself right now, but what the heck is that supposed to mean? I don't get it.

Is it suppose to be funny, cause I feel kind of crazy and I feel like he's trying to make me think I am.

Maybe I just think too much.

So there you have it Ruby01 is back at 1 day NC and very sad for a lot of reasons.