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I am shaking

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#1 Sep 30 - 11AM
going 2 be ok
going 2 be ok's picture

I am shaking

After 2 months of NC I received an email today from an address I did not recognize. I stupidly opened it and guess who it was from. Oh yes, it was him.
"He loves me, he misses me, he is so very sorry"..... What a jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did delete it immediately but I am literally shaking. My legs could not hold me up if I tried to stand. I cannot believe how quickly I reverted to the sick feeling he used to bring me.......
I am remembering how good, how strong and happy I have been feeling again lately and know this will pass but gosh, how deeply they affect us. Any idea ladies, when the thought of him will stop affecting me so much???

Oct 2 - 9AM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

I am so proud of you

I am so proud of you for deleting the email. You are awesome. Be strong, have courage, and stay away. You have the skills, you have the knowledge. You did the right thing, amen. Keep it going. It is ridiculous the things the do to break us down, manipulate us. They get worse, so stay away. I am so proud of you for being strong.
Oct 1 - 6PM
smarternow
smarternow's picture

Narc Knowledge is like knowing martial arts...

Martial arts is learned defensive blocking that becomes ingrained as you practice it.. To me, this site and learning about narcs and N/C has gotten me past many potential pitfalls with the ex narc. It's been 4 years of N/C on my part and he still pops up occassionally through email or in person even though he is supposedly engaged to the woman he cheated on me with... the latest was I almost literally bumped into him in a store. Those learned n/c defensive moves had me turn around and walk calmly the other way. I was proud of myself but still shaking as I got to my car. Now if I can just stop my brain from thinking about them at all (i am single) I will know I have gotten better. PTSD is a bitch. Distracting and distancing is MY new D @ D.
Sep 30 - 4PM
Winter
Winter's picture

going 2 be ok

Just few days ago I have been at the same place as you and also posted here something similar. I am 4 months NC and received a text. I was triggered, not shaking – not, but had a lot of anxiety. It lasted for few hours. I do agree with Spinning when she says that our bodies signalling the danger. The next day I was perfectly ok, like if I did not receive anything. You haven’t been involved with him for a long time. On the other hands 2 months is so early! Chances are that very soon you will feel less and less triggered by anything related to him. Of course only if you stay NC. Hugs
Sep 30 - 12PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Congrats, you got narced and

Congrats, you got narced and survived. Isn't it fascinating how the body reacts. I now know I was in that state of heightened frenzy for a long time. The calmness now is wonderful, and that shock wave from his contact sent you reeling for a bit. Good. Helps with the cog diss moments and flights of magical thinking that can pop up. He is disordered, who else uses some other email addy to cyber-stalk you, what an ASS! Yipee, you are doing great. Welcome over from the dark side to lightness and freedom! ds
Sep 30 - 12PM (Reply to #11)
going 2 be ok
going 2 be ok's picture

@ Done

this is truly the most horrific, sad and painful experience with another human being I have ever dealt with and it only lasted a few months! But it has also been the most educational experience. I no longer view the world with totally rose colored glasses and I am not totally naive anymore. I like to think this has prepared me for the future by perhaps alerting me to dangers I would not have perceived before. I think the universe was taking care of me! (in spite of myself)
Sep 30 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

GOING, the reaction is

good, believe it or not! It is your body's fight or flight automatic response to DANGER! I am so proud of you for deleting immediately and remembering how good you have felt these past two months! That feeling is always there for you because you are good! Strong! Smart! And you know what's best for you! Pat yourself on the back, Going. The shaky feeling will pass soon enough. The good feeling of sweeping this creep out of your life will last FOREVER!! Love, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS DAMN GREAT!

spinning

Sep 30 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
going 2 be ok
going 2 be ok's picture

@Spinning

Yes, it DOES feel damn great! :)
Sep 30 - 11AM
going 2 be ok
going 2 be ok's picture

@ Hunter

if he had been around 2 months ago (when I certainly was in the fetal position) he would have been kicking me and laughing at my pain, no doubt about it...
Sep 30 - 11AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Suck sick fuckers!! Good

Suck sick fuckers!! Good job, delete,delete,delete!! Youll bounce back quickly! Breath! Where was he 2 months ago when you were in a fetal position?? Stay Strong Hunter
Sep 30 - 11AM
going 2 be ok
going 2 be ok's picture

let me amend

I should say, Any idea ladies and gentleman, when the thought of him will stop affecting me so much? ;)
Sep 30 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

gong 2 be OK

It took me over 2 years plus not to react so much to his contacting me and just afew days ago I got a postcard from him and even then a slight reaction, but nothing like the early days, now it is how pathetic are YOU..................
Sep 30 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

The rule of thumb is 18

The rule of thumb is 18 months !! Nice isn't it?? Hunter
Sep 30 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Holy shit, I got the original

Holy shit, I got the original d and d early March, 2010. Its been 18 plus months...wow...and I have a great narc-free life, even with shared custody, who says life can't be great!!! ds
Sep 30 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

DS

Congratulations! I love your posts and replies. You sound really healthy. At 11 months, I have to make a conscious effort to remember my original shock and disbelief, and the depths of my misery. He was just a pumped-up bogeyman. You are right - life is great now. Even greater because I consciously think about things like compassion, kindness, honesty, respect. How to really live those concepts in my day-to-day life - they have greater meaning and appreciation to me now.