I am back from the war.

I've just come from war.

All over again.

A month of NC and I was convinced that I was ready and could do this, so I stupidly sent a text saying that we had both said some terrible and unnecessary things and that I hoped we could make it right some day. I had changed my phone number and it took him two days to reply asking "Who is this?" I thought it would have been obvious, but then given his likely track record it didn't take me long to realize that he may have left a trail of women who could say the same things. It was another three days before I replied with just my name.

He started lighting up my phone. He's expanded his business, has more clients, yadda yadda yadda... A full day of texting and back and forth. And then....?

Crickets.

Nothing.

My birthday comes. Nothing. I ask him a question. Nothing. I get pissed off and everything starts all over again. I tell him I am done with the abusive relationship (which I keep putting myself back into), the silent treatment (which he has given me every time and have come to expect), the lack of concern (he has never had an ounce of empathy why would I think that would change?).

And then it all blows-up. He walks away and I am a mess. A smaller mess than the previous times, but a mess nonetheless. Thankfully, I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday morning and she said three key words that yanked me back into reality:

TOXIC
ABUSIVE
ILLOGICAL

I don't know why those words make a difference coming from a therapist, but it jolted me. The I got a text from my nephew telling me that my sister had posted some pretty personal and intimate details of my last three relationships on Facebook in an attempt at retaliation for helping her son move from home to college.

I am tired of fighting and I refuse to fight this kind of fight any more.

There are a THOUSAND messages encouraging us all to NOT break NC and this is another one of those stories.

DO NOT BREAK NC. It is not worth it. They will never, ever, EVER change. Ever.

Save yourself the tears and humiliation. Cut your losses and move the fuck on. It was never real. Not ever.