hurts like hell. but finally going nc.

Well. 2.5 years. My narc left every time there was an issue. He would act easy going all is well. We were happy then just like that he would pull away, I then would say something and he would just leave. No working on the issue. The kicker is he knew. He knew how to fix it. He witheld intimacy. He said it wasn't me. But isn't that funny. He was controlling everything in his own way. He had a reason to leave. He said I wasn't patient enough for him. He claiMs to have lost his kids. He decided to walk away as he said he cantr deal with the mothers. Nice he blames and takes no resp at all. The day he left, it was a quiet discussion. He had refused intiMacy.he told me he thought cuddling was ok but for some reason if he was intimate he felt guilty. He said he can't be that happy. Huhhh? Ok. So I said what r we going to do about us? He said I donno. What do u wanna do. I said I am not sure I am really feeling neglected here. He said he feels better alone and he left. As he left, my 6 year old dtr ran down the street. We were going to take my kids skating. He is so selfish. Not not 3 weeks later he's back on a dating site. If he even left. His line on there is looking for someone who is easy going like me. I am happy alone but looking to spend time. Doing things whenever its good for both of us. Wow. He was on meds for depression and was in group therapy but quit it all. I am so angry. He had the nerve to tell me he cares about me. Bull pucky. He is trying to be a martyr. After emailing 100 emails with no response I am giving it up. No contact. When he left every time he left I would drive to his apt. And apologize for my crazy behaviour and beg him back. All for crumbs. It was a cycle and happened over and over and over and I don't know why I have a hard time letting this man go. I do because he was a charmer and when he was here is was good exept intimacy. I am not going there aagain. I have nothing to apologize for. It was his terms his way. He said I needed my way. Argg. And now I am wondering what just happened and he is on pof. I know what happened. He's a narc and I blamed myself all the other times. So I would try so I wouldn't fail. Wouldn't be my fault. Now I know it isn't. He is a jerk and for my kids and I sake I am done. Done with being blamed and abandond.