Hurt!

I'M confused DazedandConfused! Aren't you the one giving HIM the silent treatment now with No Contact? I know it hurts to be ignored and dissed by the narc-hole, but he DOES NOT DESERVE YOU! Take your power, your heart and your life back and use this opportunity he's giving you with his abusive neglect and go silent on HIM... for good!! ((hugs))

Not complete silence. But we are just down to a dozen emails a day since he refuses to give me his new phone number until he decides that I have been good long enough and have earned it. I would literally do ANYTHING to have his phone number. I am dying over here with him only emailing me.I texted and spoke to him every single day,sometimes we talked for hours and hours. And I have been cut-off from him and cut-out of his life now for almost four weeks. It has been like the ninth circle of hell for me. ER knows this. He knows that I am losing it at this point. The last time he made me wait three weeks (no contact at all, this was 8 months ago) before we were talking on the phone and texting and I had to wait four weeks before I saw him in person again. This time I have no idea how long he will do this to me and I am terrified that I won't see him. I have no idea where I stand with ER and he loves doing this to me. I feel like a puppet and he is pulling my strings. I have no idea how to stop.

I have been punched in the stomach and called horrible names more times than I can tell you. Trust me when I say that the silent treatment IS better than being physically, emotionally and verbally abused. You say "at least I would know where I stood!?". I can't believe that you could find any comfort in being assaulted. I know you were being fecitious, but that's not something you should ever wish for! Yeah, I knew where I stood after being punched. I knew I stood in front of a very unstable, violent man and that I had to get away FAST. Please don't think that violence or abuse equals love. It does not! It means CONTROL. You need to understand that either he is using the silent treatment to emotionally manipulate and control you, which appears to be working... Or he is being silent because he is trying to make a final break from the relationship. My exN used to withdraw and go silent for weeks at a time. I used to freak out and flip out, but come on... After so many times, I got hip to his little game, and stopped buying into it. After a while, i began to enjoy the silent treatment. That meant that he wasnt verbally attacking or abusing me and it also gave me some time to start mentally detaching and to realize what a scumbag he really had become. Once he realized that ploy no longer was effective, he stopped doing it. I don't know your backstory with this guy but it sounds like you need to take back some of your power and control. Don't let him manipulate you like this. You've made it 7 weeks. You can go the distance. If he keeps giving you the silent treatment for weeks and months at a time... I would say this relationship is over and you really need to get serious about moving on. I know you can do it. Hang in there... Post and read alot! Hugs Monique

I really dont know what to say to you anymore! Silence is his abusive sentence!! When he speaks to you it's cruel, so what exactly are you looking to gain? Leave it alone, did you find a therapist? Did you get anti depressants?? Besides texting him what are you doing to move past this? You say you care for your husband, is contacting this asshaft doing that?? STOP! Hunter

You can not expect to be able to let go right now. With time and NC only. However, what you absolutely need to do is to keep NC regardless his silent treatment. Even if he pops up one day, you should keep NC, even if your heart will want to do the opposite. Imagine, how good it will be to feel healed and not having him in your head? Being happy without him. Sounds like a dream, doesn't it? You can make it real! Love Winter

(((( BIG HUGS )))) I understand how you're feeling so hurt. But you're not that far out yet. You're doing really good with your NC. What I have found really helpful during the hardest times early on, was to think about the further damage he would do if I contacted him out of desperation or to relieve the NC. Imagine that he would say something brutal to you taking you all the way back to day one. You're very strong and you can do this. I'm over nine months out now and still I struggle, but it isn't nearly the reasons I was struggling in the early months. Hang in there.

He hss it timed down to the minute when to glance your way or make some small gesture in your direction. Then he will laugh like crazy while you stand on your heads and spit nickels for more. He has you wound up like a doll with a key in her back. And he knows that wherever he is you are ticking away, waiting for him to wind you up again, so what is there to think about? This is a break-up. Rebuild, recreate and start living your life with him as a closed chapter. Otherwise the pain will start all over again.