hugs4cats' story

D&D means Devalue and Discard. Here's more: http://allabouthim.com/understanding-the-narcissists-cycle-of-idealizing-you-to-devaluing-demeaning-you/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

Ok. Well, keep in mind that it was HIM who badgered me constantly about wanting to be married. I didn't want to. I had had a bad 1st marriage which was painful and vowed to never do it again. I took his constant requests and pleading as a sign that this man really really loved me. He waited for me to say yes for over 2 years. So we finally got married. We only had a short honeymoon, 3 days. Looking back I see that he became very sullen, almost like he was depressed or very very bored, I couldn't tell. He wasn't his normal "up" happy self. I took a photo of him standing on a dock and he looked so sad. I thought it was because he wanted to take a boat ride and I said no because I get motion sickness on boats, but I see now that it was much more than that. His conquest was over. He had a real reaction to that. So we came home. I'm pretty happy. We normally sat and had coffee together and talked a bit in the morning. But this morning he was rushing around, very manic like. He was in a hurry and didn't want to talk or have coffee. He seemed preoccupied. I stood in front of him and said, "Whats the matter this morning? You seem different?" He said "there you go again! I dont have time for this!"..and he literally ran out the door. I just stood there like "what? What did this comment mean?" The evening came and when he came home he practically ignored me. He didn't want to eat. He ate already. The woman who he was putting a new floor down for had fed him. He had a grin on, like a cat who ate the bird. I said, next time, please tell me ahead of time so I wont cook for us. He apologized. Then he went straight to bed. At 7 o'clock? He was giving me the cold shoulder and I was trying to figure this all out. He says he is just really tired. Next morning comes. He is primping in the mirror. He asked me whether his sideburns are ok. Do they need trimming? Should he cut his hair? What do I think? Would it look better? I help him trim the hair in his nose. In his ears. (it was something I always helped him with..like an idiot) I'm thinking how weird this is. He never cares how he looks in the morning. He has a labor job and he gets dirtier as the day goes on. He rushes out again. Kind of excited. I feel and know in my gut that there is someone else. He comes home. Gets a few phone calls from this woman. "do we want a chair she is giving away?..her HUSBAND thought it was a good idea to offer it to us. (she makes a point of saying that to excuse the reason for calling him). Again he goes straight to bed. He's tired. The next day is the same. My stomach is in a twist. She calls again that night to ask if he would be interested in watching their dog while they go away. I said to him that it seems very inappropriate that she calls you privately when you are just a laborer at her house. Next day we are out at Home Depot. He needs to pick up supplies for the next day. She calls to discuss exactly what she wants (floor wise). She says he should drop off the supplies that night instead of the next morning. She doesn't know I am with him. We go to the house to drop off the supplies. It is Sunday afternoon. She answers the door in her night gown. I just stand there with my mouth open. They act like this is normal. I watch them interact. The silliness. His attentiveness. He stands so close. They are laughing like school kids. I know now. He dismisses the night gown thing. What I saw was my own imagination. She calls inappropriately the next night and finally I say enough is enough. I tell him he has to call her in front of me and tell her its over. (I don't ask if they are having an affair..he would only deny it). So he cries. He cries for 3 days and cannot make the call. His reason to me is that it is hard for him to confront people. I aint buying it. He finally leaves a message on her machine. "my wife doesn't want you to call here anymore. Its causing problems with our marriage" Thats how it started. I doubt that was their last conversation or visit. He says he has a sexual addiction. The next day he doesnt. He just said that because its what I want to hear? That he made her happy and she made him happy. It was my fault. He couldnt make me happy? She understood him (I didnt?) The story goes on and on from there and this is already so long of a post. The whole thing just devastated me. And there were more woman to come.