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How they write

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#1 Dec 3 - 6PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

How they write

Ns/Ps can be accomplished writers. I'll use John Kennedy Toole's "Confederacy of Dunces" and Leo Tolstoy as examples. They were intensely narcissistic- they had the rages, paranoia, erratic behaviors. Yet they were capable writers.

Other Ns/Ps reveal their disorder in their writing. Jen79 found "Wittgenstein, Tolstoy and the Meaning of Life" and it translates as "war and war and war and war and war." She is not the only one to make that interpretation... so did a male classmate of mine 14 years ago.

Do they write word salads? And with some of them, do they have Russian dressing?

Dec 7 - 8PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

How they are remembered... or better yet, forgotten....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20101119/ennew_afp/entertainmentrussialiteraturehistorypolitics_20101119170529 Leo Tolstoy died a century ago, in the November of 1910. He abandoned his family. When he died, only one of his 13 children was at his side. He was estranged from the other 12. As the Russian Life website says, he was "considered a disgrace and a joke to his family." Now, a century after his death, Russia doesn't recognize him. Sounds like NC or MC on a massive scale.
Dec 6 - 9PM
rosedewittbukater
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Writing

Mine is an excellent writer, and guess what her favorite topic to write about is? ME ME ME She has written some pieces with thinly veiled characters based on - you guessed it...her. In the beginning when she was hooking me, I used to get sweet and romantic letters, and I am sure she was telling me exactly what she knew someone like me wanted and needed to hear. Of course, that came to an end after six months or so. Then I was lucky to get a sentence or two, curt. Or the alternative, a long, scathing email listing out all of my transgressions. God forbid once I took longer than a day to reply to one of these emails and really paid for it. Nevermind all my letters, emails and texts which went unanswered.
Dec 6 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Playing the role

It sounds like your ex-N played the part. Male Ns/Ps tend to go for the "bad boy" role, and in your case, you dealt with the female N/P who goes for the "femme fatale" role. Female Ns are as capable of flowery language as male Ns are. The ex-Psych professor thought I wanted to hear him speak philosophically... but the best he could come up with was that everything is meaningless, and people pursue philosophy as a diversion from real life. He could speak in an incredibly flowery way... he was like a Colin Firth character, incredibly refined in his language and very repressed. Yours was an excellent writer;mine could only go for quotes. He totally lacked originality. The only difference between your Narc and mine is writing talent(???)
Dec 4 - 7AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

writing

I can't imagine mine writing anything ever. Even his text messages were usually one word long. I wrote him a letter after our brawl. He said his boss wouldn't let him talk to me. I wrote a long letter saying we needed to talk, needed to go to counseling, needed to move ahead. I asked him if he wanted to meet for dinner somewhere, spend the night at a hotel downtown where no one would know, asked him if he missed me and wanted to work it out. He still couldn't write back. He wrote in the margins of my own letter, "Yes" "Yes" Yes" and "I love you" and put it back on the windshield of my car. I don't know how he got through college and law school. Clout, probably. Like everything else.
Dec 4 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Oh he probably did just fine

Oh he probably did just fine in law school becuase he had to. They feel with us that they only need to give minimal effort once they have hooked you and that includes responding to any questions
Dec 5 - 8PM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Minimal effort

It's typical for there to be Q&A sessions after professors give lectures. The ex-Psych professor could not stand it when students questioned the professors. MOST professors didn't mind. They enjoyed the dialogue, the sharing of ideas. "That includes responding to any questions"-Yes. The ex-P would rage when he was the one being questioned. He'd rage at the students to read the texts in question. He could answer factual questions, but "why" questions totally baffled him. He'd get angry and defensive. The ex-P hated the Q&A sessions. When he was the lecturer, he'd cut it short and be dismissive. He'd end it abruptly if it didn't go the way he wanted.
Dec 5 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Challenged

So if he was being challenged, and could be found out that he did not in fact know EVERYTHING, he would just quit? Wow! That's very telling, isn't it. You're right, most professors love it when students ask the tough questions that get everyone, including the professor, thinking and processing other sides of the equation. Also, it shows the students are actually listening to the lecture, understanding the material, and are interested in the topic.
Dec 6 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Not ALL attention is the same for Ns/Ps...

I'm not a follower of the "ALL attention is good attention for the Narc" dictum. The ex-Psych professor would flee, literally, from two types of attention- 1)When he was being questioned 2)When he was being mocked He would just quit if he felt like he was an object of ridicule. He ran away when his girlfriend and I were having a nice conversation with each other. She had to dash down the stairs to catch up with him. He literally abandoned her... and I wanted to smack him into the next millennium. She and I introduced ourselves to each other;he did NOT do the introductions. He did not introduce her to any of his colleagues, despite this being the first college function he brought her to. At least a smart Narc would've found a way to make her look better than me, and further embarrass me in front of his colleagues...I wanted to replace his beret with a dunce cap after that one... He could've at least held hands with her. He could've at least quickly gotten her away from me, made me look nuts, and introduce her to his fellow professors. But NO. He was too scared that I was mocking him to his curator girlfriend. He would just quit if he was being made fun of, or if he were being questioned. That was NOT NS to him. It was something he avoided. He once said "I run from ridicule." How very true. He fed off of admiration, infatuation, anger, hatred, jealousy... but NOT ridicule and questioning. Ridiculing him was the equivalent of giving a customer salmonella-tainted eggs at a greasy spoon.
Dec 5 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

So much for "like father, like son"

The strange, sad irony was listening to his father on NPR. He's an astute guy;a researcher. They interviewed him and one of his grad students. His father didn't mind being questioned on national radio. He had to think on his feet. The fact his father wasn't my professor is proof that life isn't fair; the fact his father is not my father in-law is proof that life can even be fairer than we expect. "Most professors love it when students ask tough questions"-Apparently, the ex-P was telling his colleagues I was stupid and crazy. They encouraged me to ask questions, to think. The grades kinda made him look... REALLY bad. I got my transcript a few months after graduation (and D&D)... it was quite validating and uplifting. Okay, I'm not a math expert, but it wasn't as dire as he had me thinking. His craziness validated the sanity of his colleagues. "Students are listening to the lecture, understanding the material, interested in the topic"-What's sad here is that the ex-P wasn't just unable to relate in a personal/emotional way, but he was stunted intellectually/philosophically. Talking feelings with an N/P (or someone autistic) is difficult. Well, with the ex-P couldn't even talk about impersonal, philosophical, intellectual stuff. Talking abstract ideas with him was as much a challenge as emotions. After the final D&D, he coldly said "I'm a teacher. It's how I make money." Quite different from his dear ol' Dad, who passionately cares about the environment, his research. He envied his father pathologically. "He would just quit"-Yes. Abruptly ending the Q&A session, with my classmates&I wondering where the nearest mental institution was. Hopefully, when he gave his lecture last year on happiness (the irony, the irony, the irony *headdesk*) his students were doing MORE productive things- updating FB pages, and jamming out to Lady GaGa on their iPods and Twittering. College students are more technologically advanced these days than back in the time...LOL...
Dec 4 - 12AM
Godhasaplanforme
Godhasaplanforme's picture

mine too was a brilliant

mine too was a brilliant writer, but he was methodic and very unemotional in his writing...and as any crebral narc...displayed amazing vocab On the other hand, when i started asking him to write me letters, he wrote such wonderful letters, hilarious sweet kind romantic... I think he knew what would get me high and he wrote exactly that
Dec 4 - 2AM (Reply to #2)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

My N was not good at

My N was not good at writing. He only put thought in his words when he wanted to hook me. And then, he said the words I wanted to hear. What used to bother me was when I would put a lot of thought to pick the right words, and he would just breeze through what I wrote and write back something that had no thought. I am a writer so I choose my words carefully. (I am not a good speller though!!) I think that the dead giveaway of narcs is how careless they are with their words, meaning.... if you really look at what a narc writes, it is all crazy making crap. Even if the words look cleaver, it's still all crazy making bull. I wonder if they actually intend that, meaning, do they set out to do that as an analytical thought or it is below their conscience? What do you guys think? xoxoACgirl
Dec 4 - 4AM (Reply to #6)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I think

Part of it is consciously done but the fact that they need to do that is the subconscious part of the personality. Its woven into who they are or should I say want or wish they were. Part of thier disorder and that is one way it manifests in the pathology of language
Dec 4 - 3AM (Reply to #3)
Godhasaplanforme
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Im also a horrible speller

Im also a horrible speller and the narc would put me down and call me an ordinary writer because i'm slightly dyslexic... But when i write, i write with such with so much emotion, regardless of the spelling mistakes, something he could never do ughhhhh!
Dec 4 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
M
M's picture

writing...

I only communicate with my xhN through e-mail. Narcspeak is even nuttier in the written form. He is the master of run-on sentences and cannot use spell check. My favorite? He ALWAYS uses "_____ and I." in the predicate in stead of "_____and me."
Dec 4 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Narcspeak IS nuttier in written form

The ex-Psych professor was hyper-sensitive about being criticized on his writing and word choice. So what remains is largely unedited.... or probably edited by his Daddy. Last year, I read the ex-P's summary for a class he taught last year. It was some stream of consciousness/word salad/Babel Fish-boggler. It sounded grandiose, with a Long List of Famous Philosophers. Sheesh. I'd send his class summary to the psychology students at UMass Medical who intern at Worcester State Hospital, when they're studying abnormal neurological conditions. But it would be an anonymous writing sample, so no credit to the original author. The ex-P relied heavily on quoting other philosophers because he couldn't come up with an original idea. Wittgenstein was autistic;Tolstoy was a Narc--at least they could have original ideas. (Looks like I have to bring some writing samples to the word salad potluck)