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This is How They Do It

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#1 Sep 3 - 9AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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This is How They Do It

I would say that my ExN is a cerebral Narc.

He gets off on gaslighting, withholding sex, cause he doesn't really enjoy it to begin with, and total mind fu@k games.

I broke NC last Friday over a seemingly small matter.

Reality is it's these little things that chip away at your sanity, slowly, but surely.

I posted what happened. I was at a stop light. We both saw one another. I decided to wave and he just ignored me.
I in turn texted him because it made me feel like dog shit.
To which he replied something to the effect of not only was I blind but crazy as well. In other words he was saying he had waved back. No biggie.?

Keep in mind here that I'm driving a BIG brown delivery truck
You can't miss me.

Lo and behold I go back to work Monday morning, drive out to my delivery area, and who pulls up to the light across from me?

Yup, the douche bag. Sitting directly across from each other at a red light, sitting for the duration, here we go again.

Light turns green. I wave. The dude not only doesn't wave back, but I can literally see his white knuckles from him grasping the wheel with a vengeance. He makes no facial expression and completely blows me off.

Next day I have a delivery for him. I walk in and get a big,
"Heeeeeeyyy, What's up?" with a big grin on his face.

Total mind f@ck. That's what it's all about. He got a reaction from me the first time and probably couldn't wait to come across me on the road and do it again. Only this time a saw it for what it was.

Was he at that light the second time by coincidence?
In my mind, no.

But that's what makes you think you are effing crazy and paranoid.

Sep 3 - 12PM
FarmGirl
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Mine is Cerebral/ Stealth too

It took me NINE and a HALF YEARS to put my finger on what was going on in my life. Why didn't I figure this out earlier? I just thought I was a needy, whiny b*tch!!
Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

That's what they do! That's

That's what they do! That's exactly what he wants you to think. They turn it all around on YOU, it's never them. Crazymaking!!
Sep 3 - 11AM
lillymarch
lillymarch's picture

He is really disturbed.

It's as if he loves the reaction, the 'rise' out if you. He's a sicko! Aren't you glad that he's out of your life?! Good riddance!
Sep 3 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
ruby01 (not verified)
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lillymarch

It's really kind of scary. If you are unaware, as I was for many years, these things go unnoticed, and they are intentional stabs at your self esteem and attempts to damage your psyche. They work. Even with realization of it taking place. I seriously think I have to find a way that I don't have to be anywhere near him. Work is a problem, I see the seriousness of it. I'm working on it.
Sep 3 - 9AM
StudentOfLife
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Crazymaking!

This is what they do, and how they do it!!! The crazymaking, gaslighting.... and this is why it is SO HARD for us to identify, that's why it makes us "crazy"... this is also why it's so difficult to explain to other people outside our situation as well. It's the worst kind of evil.
Sep 3 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

StudentOfLife

Something else that bothers me is the physical health of his former victims. His exW who was 135 lbs. when they married now weighs 350 lbs. They have kids together so there is ongoing contact. He despises her and would like nothing better than to see her die. An ex girlfriend, who I had the displeasure of being used in an attempt at retaliation upon her, because she got pregnant by some other man when she was with him, so he staged an event where we would all be together just to make her jealous, was just in the hospital for some kind of liver damage. My guess is brought on from drinking. The stress of this is causing me to smoke more than I ever have. Am I going to become physically ill because of him? Boy, I hope not.
Sep 3 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

Physical Symptoms

Ruby01 ~ i am glad you brought up physical symptoms of dealing with a Narcissist (or pychopath i would say.) -- because i have been thinking about posting a thread on that very topic!! Yes, I do very much believe these "people" take a toll on our physical health as well. They drain us, deplete us of our internal resources... true life-force-sucking vampires. I had always been a picture of great health, worked out, tried to eat right, with a strong lean to a natural and holistic approach to health. During the 2 1/2 years Narcboy and I were involved, my health steadily went downhill. Aside from the obvious of becoming completley stressed, and more steadily tired as time went on... I also pulled a trapezius muscle in my back(altho that one was *probably* my own fault), experience many more viruses and flu attacks, sore throats, laryngitis too, was drinking more... had all new gynecological problems which eventually lead to lots of testing and a D&C, bumped my head alot (i know it sounds funny, but once in a mad scurry across a dark room - his bedroom- to get to my cellphone to turn it off so as not to upset him... i banged my own head so hard i suffered from post concussive syndrom for at least the next year).... Then, to top it ALL off.... he bit my neck SO HARD and SO LONG, would not stop when i told him to.... that almost a year later i still have so much pain and problems associated with facial nerve damage and who knows what else. :( (he loved to bite, give me bruises, press on them and then say "feel me", yeah...) Now.... going on 3 months out.... my health and energy have returned!!! Imagine that! Altho i still have the pain associated with the neck injury, it is *usually* less than it had been. The so-called people are MONSTERS!!! Yes, it is so sad because we cared for the person so very much who "seems to be " trapped inside the monster.... but it's safer to realize Mr. Hyde is the TRUE person behind the mask. I truly believe, if we stay with them, these "people" will destroy us Heart, Mind, Body & Soul. RUN AWAY AND STAY AWAY!!! It's safer and healthier... you'll see.... :0)