How to stop thinking about him

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Aug 10 - 2PM
lil lamb
lil lamb's picture

How to stop thinking about him

I know this man is no good for me, he broke my heart and treated me like dirt, he has since moved on and moved the ow into our home. He has let her redecorate it and take the memories of me and his two kids out. He lets her answer his texts and is always going thru his phone. I told him I thought he was a N, but it didn't seem to phase him other than a couple times he said, Oh I can't love anyone, remember I'm a narc! I can't wrap my head around him just up and leaving me ( although he said our marriage was over), someone could of let me know. He hooked up with her before I even left our home, and a month and a half later she is now living in my home, and pushing him hard to get the dissolution done and over with. My problem is I keep thinking this is all going to end, and he is going to come for me and take us home. It's sick thinking and I know I could never trust him again, and I know that he doesn't love me, I'm not a good supply for him anymore, I got stronger. His new woman has mental and drinking issues, and is very pathetic in my opinion. Will this feeling of wanting this man back ever go away, I want to move on with my life I'm 43 years old and I deserve someone that will love me unconditionally, not like he did!

Aug 11 - 8AM
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

Hi

He's using her. He uses everyone. He needs to be with someone as to be on his own he feels empty and his issues come to the surface, so he needs someone the OW to hurt YOU. Her going through his texts just shows how insecure she is in the shit relationship he has with her. He can't have a relationship with anyone, she doesn't know this yet because she needs to think it's going to work with her, unlike with you. She is living in his fantasy world and he is using her for one purpose only, to make him look normal and you to feel shit it won't work with her, he doesn't even like her but he feels good he can use her to make you feel awful. This is his only plan, todos you feel bad and him look like he's having a good relationship. She's a twat. One day you will meet a loving man by this point he will have gone through loads of twat supply trying to push your buttons. It's all about image. You know what he is, a deeply sick, emotional retard. You have the kids and will always have them, be proud you saved them, then yourself from a living hell. I too have children and it makes it much harder to heal from the sick shallow transparent evil man. You will get through this x

Ending the dance

Aug 11 - 8AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Lil, I feel your

pain. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to kick them out of our heads. Unfortunately there is not. It's part of the process. I found this blog by Lisa very helpful when I first came here in the early days of NC. There are others, too, which I'll find and post. I hope this helps. Hang in there. It does get better. http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/04/19/why-we-obsess-about-narcissist Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I'M IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL. THE SICK LYING FREAK OF AN ILLUSION TRIED HARD BUT HE COULDN'T TAKE ME DOWN

spinning

Aug 11 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
spinning
spinning's picture

Here's another one,

Lil Lamb. I hope it helps. http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/02/19/retrain-your-brain Hugs to you! (not) spinning. SAME AS ABOVE!

spinning

Aug 10 - 5PM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

Hunter is right - and Bullies are Cowards!

It's been my experience when you stand up to a bully and call them out, they shrivel up like a dying plant under weed killer. It's amazing and I've done it with multiple bullies! Scares the crap out of them when somebody knows they are a coward and treats them thusly. Hunter said it so well. She gave good advice.
Aug 10 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

I'm human... I make mistakes...

I have a nephew who's nearly 2. He babbles incoherently, is self-absorbed, causes many sleepless nights, screams when he doesn't get his way. The ex-Psych prof's Daddy has the same name as my brother in-law... the ex-Psych prof's Daddy went to Harvard... like my brother in-law... they're BOTH from Massachusetts. I'm going to confuse the two the rest of my life. I've made the mistake before. When I broke NC in '09, I accidentally confused the ex-P with my shrieking newborn nephew. It was just a mistake. I didn't mean to hurt his ego. *gives naive innocent look*
Aug 10 - 3PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Imagine him as a toddler

I think of the ex-Psych prof as a toddler. He can't scare me that way. He becomes A LOT less threatening that way... especially when I've seen his name on a bowl for... REALLY little kids (shopping for toys for my nephew) He CAN'T be an all-powerful authority figure if I see him as a babbling, tantrum-throwing bedwetter. I also remember how BORING he was. He hasn't come up with anything of ANY depth (he makes kiddie pools look deep!) He's really REALLY boring. I don't have to deal with his "War and Peace" obsession. It keeps from being envious of his wife or thinking he's treating her better than me.
Aug 11 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Gerri
Gerri's picture

Haha Toddler yes

Last year my Narc and I went on holiday - we couldn't find our hotel and ended up walking round for ages. He literally got his case and threw it across the street and had a hissy feet exactly like a 3 year old! I stayed calm - needless to say we found the hotel about five minutes later. Any need! They are children in adult's bodies!!
Aug 10 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Yes lil you deserve

Yes lil you deserve better! Cop is setting her up, he's sucking her in that's what he's doing! I know you don't think so but this is Narcville, don't forget it. Feel sorry for her, I do. He may beg you to come back, this time apart is a benefit to you, educate yourself on this disorder. When he comes back you need to say" No" What don't understand is why aren't you in the house? His Narc ass should be in a tiny apt! You have kids? Fight for them, show them strength not weakness, show the love not hate! This jack off is not capable of anything but being a Bully! When dealing with a Bully you must stand up for yourself! You are a Queen remember that! Hunter