I always did the dumping, he didn't want to break up but wanted to keep me as supply....all I can think when I read everyone's posts is that if I had not broken up with him the first time, I might have gotten officially discarded in a really mean and nasty way. He did some D&Ding but thought I was under his spell and would never leave. The first break up I caught him cheating, went NC for the most part (still had stuff in his house so couldn't go fully). Then he would continue to text, call, send me love notes etc. I took him back 2 months later, on a trial basis cause the trust was gone. Fast forward another 6 months and the same stuff started happening, lying, disappearing and not really explaining where he was, not taking my calls, etc. When I broke up the 2nd time he was a bit taken back and said I was overreacting. He kept texting me but I didn't fall for his crap. At this point I didn't know about NPD etc. I kept him at a distance in my life and we didn't officially get back together but would see each other every so often and he took me away, took me shopping etc. He tried to lure me back in with everything he had, around that time I started researching the crazy behavior and he admitted he was narcissist. I started reading up on NPD and one night he made a nasty comment to me and I took off and went NC for 3 months. He still hoovers and I had been really really mean and nasty to him the last few times I saw him and will never speak to him again, completely NC now. They are evil and get worse each time if you do the breaking up...that is a proven fact. Best to stay NC and not fall for their BS!!
My exnw made sure to tell me that she didn't have sex with her boyfriend until after I filed for divorce. I guess even that was my fault, another move from the teflon narcness monster.
She would hoover after that, wanting me to give her attention, and for months I did just that. She isn't good at geometry, but seems to love triangles, lol!
I think she gets bored easily, and looks outside of herself for excitement...works for her, bad for me.
ds
I had been trying to move on. We'd stop talking for a month at a time. Meaning, he'd give me the usual silent treatment, but I stopped trying to get his attention altogether. I was learning so much. I was trying to divert my focus, and concentrate on bettering myself. During this time, he could feel me pulling away. He was so insistent and desperate sounding. "I need you." "I want you here." "I love you." Heart this, and heart that.
He hoovered me until I broke NC, and THEN discarded me.
That's how N's handle breakups. On their terms, from the beginning to the end. When they get what they want, they don't want it anymore. Or they just want to *see* if they could reel you in, just for kicks.
Megan Wants A Millionaire?
She displayed a lot of narcissism- she came right out and said she wanted her man to be rich. The whole show was built around the idea of hooking her up. I didn't understand it because I thought rich guys hated gold diggers but let's put that aside for a moment.
At one point during the show, one of the contestants told her he wasnt sure about the two of them and wanted to leave the show and he told her goodbye.
Megan (who wasn't even interested in him) told him she really liked him and she wanted him to stay and remain in the competition and basically poured on the charm. She convinced him to stay.
Then at the next elimination round, she gets to invite all but one man to stay and one has to leave.
Guess who she picks to leave? You guessed it- Mr. I'm Not Too Sure. After she had flattered him and begged him to stay, she publicly dumped him! Bitch!
In her interview she explains with an evil smile to the camera that if any man was to leave HER show, it was going to be on HER terms, not his.
I think it's this way with all egomaniacs: losing you is losing and they like to win. It's all a game to them and they'll be damned if we get to be the one to call it quits.
They'll Hoover you right back so they can be the one to kick you in the teeth- there will be no polite, grown-up breakup. Then they'll laugh about itheir hollow little victories for a while.
It sucks but it's better than staying with their cruelties.
I actually phoned him for the final ending and told him that I did not want to communicate with him anymore. Let's face it, mine had been fooling around and setting up the other woman for a couple of months so he was fine with going right on to the next one. He did hoover somewhat, sent a letter, followed me to the gym for an oh so tearful goodby, called me when his mother died (along with about 10 other women), mailed bible studies and then quit when I told him what a creep he was. He went straight into a relationship with the married women he had been seeing. She divorced and moved down the street from him with her 2 children within a month.
My exN manufactured the ending because he is the ultimate COWARD.
As I was reading theses posts, it finally dawned on me that he did keep coming back just to hurt me....and he did. Its clear now that he wanted to keep me around to hurt me at his convenience, rather than hit and run. I would say run and don't look back.
In my experience, dumped her, she tried an tried to keep me around all the while setting up another supply. Established new supply, disappeared. The "emotional backlash" on the narcs part is because A. They didn't get their chance to D&D B. they don't have a supply and don't know how to be "happy" without it.
That's my own personal opinion based on my experience, while it may or may not be typical for narcs that's just my perception and opinion.
I broke up with him and established NC. He hoovered and got me back so he could dump ME for good. If you have done the dumping, TAKE IT FROM ME, keep moving along. If you give him the opportunity, he will ensure he gets the last laugh. They are all evil.
When i told him off and didn't call him for 3 days, he called me back all weepy and sobbing. As soon as i forgave him, what did he do in the same conversation, turned icily cold, and did his final D&D.
I went through that crap soooo many times!!! I can't even count the times that he's done that! The one time that I would like to speak of at this moment is from a year ago. He had been all distant with me and I had a gut feeling he was up to something. Well, sure enough, I went by his apartment and saw this woman's car there. I knew who she was. I didn't even have to go to his door to know. I called him and told him to stay the hell away from me, etc. I didn't hear from him for a week and he sends me a text trying to get me to come over to his house the next day to talk about it, blah. So like an idiot I went over and he went from being loving to laying down the law if we got back together. Telling me what and what i wasn't going to do! Damn tyrant!!
I agree. Establish NC, and keep moving along. He will ensure that he gets the last laugh (or punch, whichever he chooses).
In my case, I'd have to say that it was kind of a "mutual dumping." Xnh came home from cheating, and "officially" D&D'd me for the final time. Then in the next sentence after he'd dumped me (literally), the idiot asked how long he could stay living in the house with me. I told xnh 15 minutes max while he packed his duffel bag, and then I threw his ass out the front door. He acted like he expected me to get all weepy, and beg him to stay (again). However, by this point, I was DONE with xnh and his years of abuse.
I went NC with him soon after, and he started trying to hoover like crazy. He was MOST annoying. lol. It was like my NC was a huge challenge for xnh to try breaking, and I have no doubt in my mind that, if I'd allowed any contact with him, he would have used the opportunity to discard/hurt me in the most painful, cruel way he possibly could find.
Xnh did NOT want me back. He merely wanted control long enough that he could make me "pay" for throwing him out publicly and going NC. Xnh wanted the power of dumping me HIS way instead of my having any say over it. However, since I've remained firmly NC, xnh has never gotten the opportunity to have any contact with me since the D&D (and he never will). *I* chose the time for his exit from my life, and there is nothing he can do to change it. I'm sure that this bugs the living crap out of him that I stole his thunder when he was trying to D&D me HIS way. According to his plan, I was supposed to end up a mortally wounded, destroyed pile of mush that was just so awful that he dumped me. It didn't happen. I'm just fine now, and I'm MUCH happier without him. :)
You are absolutely right. They are all evil.
Hugs.
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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.
Mine begged me to remarry him for two years after I divorced him. He was living with me for a while I guess just waiting for me to give in to remarry him. He eventually got stationed in Hawaii even went so far as sending me a plane ticket to come see him. I did. After that trip I knew I couldn't keep this up. I changed my number and refused to give it to him. He was quite angry when I refused to give him my number he harrased me by email and called me every name in the book put me down the whole bid. Been nc ever since
I did the dumping and I am going to make sure I keep reading this post....this has worked wonders for me, no way I am going back to be d and d'd.
I hope his texts have 'message report read' on his phone so he can see they arent delivered, I hope he calls and sees my phone isnt on.
And hey no satisfaction from d and d'ing someone who doesnt read your message. What I dont know cant hurt me..I take strength from this post guys, thanks for sharing your pain, it might just have prevented mine x
I always did the dumping, he
My exnw made sure to tell me
I
Did anyone see a reality dating show called
I actually phoned him for the
And how did they act while
thanks
In my experience, dumped her,
In typical Narc fashion,
Yep they love to have the last word
I went through that crap
I agree. Establish NC, and
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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.
Mine begged me to remarry him
Thank you so much for this post