How Many Of You Are + or - 6 Months Out?

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#1 Sep 30 - 3PM

GeorgiaGirl

How Many Of You Are + or - 6 Months Out?

I have seen some others posting/responding that they are about 6 months out from their narc experience and struggling with loneliness, emptiness, trying to rebuild and just feeling adrift. This is where I am.

I feel like I'm standing at the edge of the sidewalk curb with my bare toes just barely hanging over the edge trying to decide if I want to step off. I'm right on the cusp of something but when I try to reach out to grasp it I fall back in to the crying meltdowns and being so very afraid.

What do I have to be afraid of? Where else do I have to go from here but up? How am I going to figure out my issues and make a new life when I'm filled with this turmoil?

I'd love to know how many others are at this point (and from you veterans as well who have "been there done that"). I feel like this is a final piece of the puzzle and making my life about me now instead of all about stbxN. How do I convince myself to take this step?

#2 Oct 2 - 12PM

uk lady

Hi GG

I am nearly 6 months without seeing him and into my 7th week of NC - he recently sent an "innocent"email enquiring how I was and about my belongings that he still has and excuses for not returning it. Mixed in with all of his stuff of course. Long ago given up getting that back but that is his hook with me still, as always. I ignored and so proud of myself because normally I would have been straight back in there. I always used to dream that I was either standing on the top of a mountain and wanting to jump off to see if I could fly or being adrift alone in a life boat hoping that I could get myself back to shore. Because I was always alone - in my dreams and with the ex-P. Either way, it's like taking that step off the sidewalk to see what happens. Most days now I am strong and resilient but sometimes I am down wondering about the "what if's". But deep down I know the truth and life without him is so much more peaceful. There is nothing to be afraid of other than the life without the N - his craziness which took such a toll on you and your children's well being. If your best friend asked you the same question - what would be your reply? Enlightment and being kind to yourself will finally show you your way forward. Dee x

#3 Oct 1 - 9AM

faithinthefuture

GG

I promise it will get better. But you have to remain NC!!! 6 months was the longest I had gone without seeing or hearing from him a couple years ago & I was soo lost and empty. My head was in a fog. I wasn't ready to let him go completely. I was going thru the motions of life but not living. Fast forward to last year. I kicked him out & today I am celebrating 19 months NC! He's still in my head on a daily basis. Not because I miss him or want him back. I see more & understand more every day of just how fucked up & sick he is! When I find him in my head I yell at the top of lungs PSYCOPATH!!!! You will move forward & not be afraid. You will come to that day when you say F U it's not about you it's about ME & what you want in life. I was soo hard on myself. I thought at 6 months I should've been so much further along. I still have days at 19 months I think that. But you know what I am further along than I was & never thought I would be. So now instead of thinking of where I am I think of where I'm going to be even further down the road of NC. And I smile.

#4 Oct 1 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

Sherbear

Beuatiful Faith.

Good work, sweetie!!!!!

#5 Oct 1 - 10AM (Reply to #14)

faithinthefuture

Thanks Sherbear

I was so happy to read your post & how you are healing. I think it's soo important to give others hope and let them know it does get better. When I first came on last year & would read how others were making it thru this I never thought I would get to where they were. And here we are :-)

#6 Oct 1 - 6AM

JRB123

You will get through this

6 months is quite tough and it's still really fresh. I think we go through a grieving process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance . Not necessary in that order and such a wide range of emotions to experience - sometimes all of them in one day! At 6 months I was probably still abit tearful, feeling sorry for myself and reality was sinking in of what kind of man he really was (I now know with hindsight I'd actually had a lucky escape!). I am now 1 year of NC and it's getting better every day. I remember reading somewhere it can take a year and a half to really feel like your old self again. I feel like I'm 3/4 of the way there. My only advice would be to keep strong and focus on you. Try and live healthily, look after yourself, be careful who you let in to your life and make time for enjoying things that you like doing. It's like a slow process to rebuild your life again. It's really really tough but we have one shot at life and it's really up to us to live it well. You do not need crappy people in it! Ultimately you will get through this and be glad but it's not an easy ride. Hang on in there.

#7 Sep 30 - 6PM

Sherbear

Hang in there....

I am 13 months NC and 18 months since D&D. 6 months is so hard. Like Hunter said...reality is setting in....it just is what it is and it just sucks all the way around. I felt like I was walking in knee deep mud, not getting anywhere, no zest for life, tired, depressed, lethargic, a zombie going thru the motions. I had to make sure to be easy on myself. My only priority was to feel and process everything I needed to feel and process. I had to remind myself that even if it felt like I wasn't doing anything, I really was. I was grieving, something I had never allowed myself to do. It does better, I promise it does. Feel it, sweeties. Hang in there. Lots of love, Sherry xoxo

#8 Sep 30 - 6PM

Done sourcing

Just know that it is your

Just know that it is your choice to make. Move on or stay stuck. Sanity has returned now, and you can choose to stay sane with nc and nr. The whole world opens up, big and wide. My world got so small thinking and twisting it up with the narc. Free at last, to choose... ds

#9 Sep 30 - 5PM

fooled no longer

this is me 6 months out.

the discoveries ive made since he left about how actually sick he is. have helped me stay away when i was tempted. but I still have days like today s after 6 months when I can be triggered. We were together for nearly a decade, I would rather live me entire life alone forever, than give him the pleasure of one more glimpse of me. He is a sick fuck.. and today i cried from frustration at all the shit and devastation he left behind for me to clean up . He gets his stupid life proclaiming his innocence, while I have to clean up and take the straight and narrow. But I wouldnt trade places with him HE IS A COCKROACH!! I know in time he will become a distant memory. But right now what he did still hurts like hell. But he will never get the pleasure of one of my tears ever again.

#10 Sep 30 - 5PM

Caligirl

Georgiagirl, I'm exactly 6 mos out TODAY

and I thought of posting something like this bc I'm just sad beyond belief. I feel like I'm falling off the curb into the gutter, get up dust myself off, and fall again. I get all this about how sick he is, but there's something missing. It isn't sinking in. For me, maybe it's not having closure, and I feel like I have to have one last round with him to get it out. I want him to know the truth about why I left and who he is, and get validation, but I don't want to break n/c. He would probably continue to blame me, and just use it to tell everyone I'm "crazy." Quite frankly, ex gf calls 6 months later, talking about or hinting to him that he is disordered (I don't want to help him one bit), would probably look crazy. I think it prevents me from moving forward, bc there were many things left open-ended and so many questions. He was also being very abusive, so it would really stroke his ego, and it would be obvious I haven't moved on. I sure hope something pushes me forward soon. xx

#11 Oct 2 - 1AM (Reply to #6)

highlander

Caligirl, I feel just like

Caligirl, I feel just like you do, and I'm at 10 months with no closure whatsoever. She dumped me, out of the blue, with a text and an email, and one phone call. The brutality of it still throws me for a loop. The NC has been a double edged sword for me. For once, I rummaged through the closet and found my balls, and changed my reaction to her. I'm sure that was a shock for her. What difference does it make, anyway, she was sleeping with a new guy right away, but at least I was able to make my stand and not be a sniveling doormat. The other edge of the sword is that I have no idea what's going on at home, with her, my step-kids, our dogs, my garden, my work bench, the rain gutters or any other goddamned thing else. I feel like I am cut off from my life. All I have is guessing, speculation and wondering. Is the truth that she has found her real true love with the guy she left me for? Would that do me any good knowing that? Would that give me closure, or have me feeling way worse? Hell if I know, but I just don't think I want to find out. I am doing life, but it seems like a fine balance, keeping myself as positive as I can, and forcing myself to confront her for some kind of closure just isn't a risk I'm willing to take. After many comments from you insightful women, here, It still hasn't sunken in yet for me either. She may be a horrible Narc, and I may have dodged a huge bullet, but I don't feel that yet. I do spend a lot of time telling that to myself. I know that there will be more, not from me, but from her. I hope by then, I will have become the person who will tell her to piss off, but I know I'm not there yet. I'm just not sure that I will ever be... B

#12 Oct 2 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

Hunter

Bramst

I'm glad you found your Balls, I think you must have started missing them, that's a good thing!! What you said is very important, witchy poo has turned your life upside down, tossed you to the curb with out a second thought!! Now it's up to you to adjust and make changes in your life you had no intention of doing! My Friend, this is the game of a Psychopath!! They chew you up and spit you out!! Once you think you are in thats when you get tossed out!! This game has been played with everyone of us!! Remember that when you miss this crazy bitch!! Hunter

#13 Sep 30 - 4PM

Hunter

Between 5 & 6 months you hit

Between 5 & 6 months you hit a wall! The reality of the situation is hitting you full steam ahead!! The reality that it is what it is!! Stay the course... You ll be ok! Hunter

#14 Sep 30 - 3PM

onwithmylife

georgia girl

I am now over 2 plus years out, but I remember vividly about the 6 month mark, it was still very raw for me and I was also still trying to write letters to him to have him explain himself so i was not totally no contact, it was a terrrible time for me, still in disbelief, shock, struggling to get on with my life and go to work each day, feeling so lonely as he occupied a big part of my life when I was not working, it feels like yesterday, just put one foot in front of the other, time is your biggest ally in the recovering, now he just seems sad and pathetic to me......I also started up on therapy as I felt a real block and the guy i found was a huge help, he called my depression' situationlal' and was right on at the time.....It does get better.

#15 Sep 30 - 3PM

spinning

GG, this is an outstanding

thread and question. And yes, on the 1-3 board there's a post by Puzzle that talks about this and there's another one on this board. It is a valid observation. There is something about the six month mark... here's the link: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/09/29/where-girl-we-lost-when-narc-came-town I wish I had a magic formula as to exactly what to do but in short I think it's about taking a calculated risk and trusting yourself that it will be okay. It can be a small risk that you weigh and that if all goes well will bring you something good. It could be something as simple as calling up an old friend or donating books to the library or something like that. After an experience with a PDI we are so tender and raw and feel vulnerable and afraid of everything. This is when you have to really really reach deep and once again suck it up and push yourself to take a little risk and do something different and maybe even outside of your comfort zone. I hope this helps some. GG, I'm at almost 11 months out and it was at about the five or six month mark when I finally decided I had to do something to turn the corner. What you are feeling is valid and you are not alone! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. AND LOVING IT!

spinning

#16 Oct 1 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

fatbabe

6months and 1 day out

I chased him out on aprils' fool..we signed the divorce doc on may 20th..and still hugged each other and cried..but i do know its part of his pretence...juz such a good actor that its sooo easy to fall for..after all i have been fooled for 11 yrs! i met him once wif our youngest son..a month back..and felt suddenly emotional dat he haf left me & 3 kids behind wif loads of shit to clear..but he was crying too...as though e regretted..(reminder..its an act..if he really cared, more could haf been done) so even though i felt upset..and all around me were still asking why is i am still in contact wif him..i find it tough to hate..by not letting go..adds another stress to me...but i would nvr want to be back with him.. suprisngly..i have been copping relatively well...stop feeling sad after 2-3 months..I had to be stronger for my 3 kiddos..and not fail those who loved me and felt that i should nvr short changed myself for being with someone who had less education, less income, criminal records and no sense of responsibility. He haf cheated on me like countless of times..as well...and borrowed money from myself, my frens and his relatives to satify his gambling and womanising addiction... he called me 2 days ago..coz he remembered i had an job interview...gosh!! he didn't even bothered when we were together...and he suddenly sang to me..said the song "sway" reminded him of me..CAN YOU IMAGINE how deranged dat was? yes..the loneliness can be daunting at the beginning...but you will be forunate if you are not in my plight to clear his shit and raise our 3 children singlehandly...so keep the spirits up!! i too think it gets better!!! we were born alone...

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