How many repeats

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#1 Oct 21 - 3AM
vaaly26
vaaly26's picture

How many repeats

I have not shared my whole story only short messages so far will get to that in time.
Very unsure about new 5 month relationship, whether he has all the tendencies of the N. Met him on dating site after being alone for one year,previous relationship no doubt a N,hard times followed then I met the current N? I thought I am in heaven, all the attention and compliments,tender words and touches etc.
Everything went fine and out of the blue he informs me about him and his sister's trip overseas for ten days,never mentioned that before. He would contact me via email from there,he sent me a very cold and distant email only once and nothing more. The day he arrived back he did not phone me until very late in the afternoon,I was travelling and asked him to phone later,he did not phone again. We had contact eventually, me very upset and felt neglected and discarded he could not see anything wrong with his actions. This pattern repeated itself him not contacting me or maybe once a day early evenings never later,but he still visited me all the same. One weekend just before a long weekend he informed me of a trip he had for the weekend for work,it seemed very odd at the time for it was a public holiday and I know most companies closed that day but I had to believe him,what else.
Then he went off to his daughter without inviting me with,coming back from there I was also informed that he had previous bookings for Australia for an entire month to spend Christmas with his family there, I was again not invited,he mentioned once that he would check for cancellation to take me with,but never mentioned that ever again.
We spend time with his family twice,both occasions he totally ignored me whilst with them,only started noticing me when we were leaving.

Thinking back he really started the typical Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde pattern. When with me at my place he is wonderful but from the time he leaves until I see him again his telephonic manner is cold and distant. Asking him why, his comment is that he is not a telephone person,but he speaks for an hour with his daughter and talking all the time, strange.This pattern continued,me being so unbalanced. with him here being happy and very unhappy in his absence. He constantly received messages on his phone but never looked at them only checking them when I am not around,never mentioned where they come from either. One night the power went down and I saw his phone lightening up and saw the name of his ex GF,sending him a message about his coming operation,he just previously told me that I was the first to know about that.Another message from someone wishing him goodnite with a kiss. I was then very upset because I always had a gut feeling that there were others in his life. He was so furious when I confronted asked,left me for 3 days. Then came back with my belongings he had with him. I handed him his belongings the same time as well and he got so upset turned around and walked to his car and just left.

My heart was breaking and I phoned him begged him to turn back and talk it over. He did but then accusing me of so many things that I never thought he would ever do,no apology for nothing,he was the suffering party not me. Everything he did for me was thrown back in my face. I eventually apologised and asked him to stay with me. we had a pleasant time together,he even went to church with me. As long as I remain pleasant and never address anything that upsets me all is well, otherwise I get the blame for everything so nothing is worth mentioning.

What I did not mentioned was that he is not interested in marriage at all, do not want me to move in with him either,we live an hour apart,he spents three nights a week at his place. his previous GF broke up because of the fact that he would not marry her (so he says),he lost his wife ten years ago and she was an alcoholic and according to him made life a hell for him,that is his reason for not wanting to marry again. Did he maybe drive her to alcohol through his behaviour? He can be abusive at times.
He still received many messages on his phone and the same pattern him ignoring them and open them in my absence.

Thanks a lot for the opportunity to share this,your feedback would be informative at this stage.
thanks and bless you all

Nov 20 - 9AM
savy1018
savy1018's picture

I completely understand that treatment....so sorry.

Nov 20 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
vaaly26
vaaly26's picture

savy 1028 stay strong we can.

Nov 20 - 1PM (Reply to #10)
spinning
spinning's picture

vaaly and savy, WAY TO GO

spinning

Nov 9 - 12AM
vaaly26
vaaly26's picture

the same old story

Oct 21 - 11AM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

We are objects to them. I

Oct 22 - 3AM (Reply to #6)
vaaly26
vaaly26's picture

we are objects to them

Oct 21 - 9AM
zeldasar
zeldasar's picture

Managing down expectations

Oct 22 - 3AM (Reply to #4)
vaaly26
vaaly26's picture

Managing down expectations

Oct 21 - 5AM
Brit
Brit's picture

I cannot see from your story

Oct 22 - 3AM (Reply to #2)
vaaly26
vaaly26's picture

I cannot see from your story