How to maintain NC

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#1 Jan 1 - 8AM
I_am_free
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How to maintain NC

Hi Ladies, I am new and left my NARC 2 weeks ago. He dropped me @ work and I was sposed to plan leaving carefully cos we lived in a room @ his brothers place so it was difficult to just pack up and leave.

Few days before I left I had already managed to get a friend to take me to the Divorce Council (moslem) so I could apply for a divorce. I knew I needed to move out before the letter was posted to notify him of my intention.

So he drops me @ work and is already suspicious and I tried to act normal but frankly..im not a good actor like he clearly was. He hung around outside my work but I called my friend and slipped out the back and called my parents to fetch me. It was a relief! I was able to speak to my sisters which I had been extremely close to but he destroyed that.

My father wants me to get a protection order against him since he gets friends (which voices I clearly recognize) to call my parents and make all sorts of trouble (then he blatantly denies it when I tell him I know what he is up to) and he refuses to give my Identity Doc, Passport or drivers license when his family saw him remove it from the room we lived in after I had left.

I tried begging him for it but he just denies having it. However my father feels I should not change my cell no and 'make my world smaller for any1' but now its frustrating cos he sends msgs from time to time and I get angry and msg him back but I have now realised its pointless because you can tell a NARC he is a thief and liar and he will still tell you 'No I am not'

How do you get over the quiet waiting when ur phne rings or beeps hoping it might be him. I dont contact him though. Should I rather not just change my no so I know I dont have to expect a msg or call cos he wont have the new number?

Our meeting @ the divorce council is on the 10th, standard procedure...where they hear his side and my side...he will probably deny every lie he ever told me and in our religion when the wife applies for the divorce it can take up to a year to be granted. She needs to have sufficient proof...SUCKS BUT OK!

Do u guys try to keep busy? I bake and cook cos I love it so it passes time and my 4 year old kps me very busy but Im on work leave now so have alot of time on my hands...find my thoughts wandering everytime to him...frustrating

Jan 2 - 4AM
I_am_free
I_am_free's picture

Thank You to everyone for

Thank You to everyone for your support. I am so glad I found this forum because for months I would sit confused and wonder what the heck happened to the charming man I met in the beginning. I checked with the cellphone provider, I can block his no if I have a protection order against him. so will go sort this out tomz. I also need to go make a theft case for my ID, passport and license and I wanted to avoid this route and even begged him for it but Im tired of being nice... Started a journal and yes I cry every night quietly in the room but I do know I made the right decision and I am going to be ok..maybe not today, next week or next month but eventually I will be ok Thank u to every1 here...it helps knowing I have support
Jan 1 - 11PM
Dee30
Dee30's picture

I hear ya

Hi there I am new here myself and interesting that I am reading urs and interesting to see narcs in every culture are all the same. I am in the sage of step 1 myself and i am utterly too weak to not pick up when he calls so I am changing my number tmw. I think its empowering to do that. I have once told him off and did tho no contact thing with him for 3 days when he called me crying n sobbing saying sorry and he loves me..bullshit..he sucked me back in so he cud get the last word. I feel bad with all my mixed feelings of love n hate. I want him out of my life. first step. no contact and change ur number is what i have been adviced. Im gonna do it!
Jan 1 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville, Your

Welcome to Narcville, Your cell phone provider should have a way to block his number.. Read,read, read.. There is plenty of material to keep you busy. Lisa six steps is great.. Hunter
Jan 1 - 3PM
ladywithatruck
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i changed my number

I have changed my number several times through the course of the 10 yrs I was with my ex N. But he would show up where he knew I would be, and I would end up giving him my new number and some times my new address! And regret it every time. This last and final break up we were having a text war and he was being especially cruel, we had been arguing over the phone and he was so cold and cruel I hung up but then the text messages started and I couldn't take it any more so right in the middle of the conversation I called my provider and changed my number right then and there. One minute he was texting me the next I was gone and it felt great! I don't know how long it took for him to realize I'd changed my number but I imagined his shock at my audacity. The next day I regretted it because I am self employed and now all those business cards out there with my old number were useless. Bt you know what? I've built up my customer base again. I blocked his emails and blocked him on FB; mainly so I couldn't see what he was doing because I kept torturing myself by looking. But he still found a way to get to me a year later, he showed up where I sell my scrap. He knew I always came flying through the gate 5 mins before closing on Sat and he went and waited for me. He was full of apologizes and tears. He set me back for a few days and then I started going somewhere else on Saturdays. It is nice to not be waiting for him to call, if you change your number you can tell yourself he is trying to reach you but can't. You don't keep waiting and being disappointed when he doesn't call. It sends a solid message to him also that you are not weak and not going to let him do it to you any more. I would just be careful if he has any history of violence it could push him over the edge and perhaps a no contact order isn't a bad idea.
Jan 1 - 1PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Hello I am free, and welcome

Hello I am free, and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry that you are here though, but am glad you found us! I would first attempt to "block" him from my phone. Check with your provider and see if that is possible. If not, I would change my number. Your Father is correct in what he is advising, but, that advice is geared for the "normal" people of the world. He doesn't understand the "disordered" and their relentless attacks on their victims. I would change the number if I had to. I changed mine once during my journey. It doesn't always keep them at bay however, they can contact you via email, and in person as well. Or through a third party. Read as much as you can on the disorder, read the posts and educate yourself on NPD. The more you learn, the better off you will be. Share your story once you are ready to also. We are here for you, you are not alone, although at times you probably feel you are. Stay strong! and good luck!
Jan 1 - 9AM
jules k
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Hi I am Free, Its such a

Hi I am Free, Its such a difficult situation, i changed my mobile number twice and spent so much time worrying at the time whether i'd done the right thing. But doing so saved me looking and waiting for my phone ring and that was a relief. It also was the first time i had any power over the situation..and that felt good! However i still ended up giving it to him each time, and now i sometimes think i will change it again, but part of me thinks that will give him the satisfaction of thinking i am waiting by my phone again. It was the hardest thing to not cave and make contact with him, he always did it first...I just didnt have the will power to not answer him. I'm getting there though, months down the line. I hope this helps, i personally would have changed my number in your situation. I think everyone else on here will say the same as me. All the best , Jules x