how long will I have dreams and wake up and he is the first thing on my mind??

Be gentle on yourself. 3.5 weeks is very early in the healing process. I am 18 months NC and at a place I didn't think I would ever get to. At first I dreamt of him & OW, him being nice to me but still lieing and I would wake up hurting. As my dreams went on I started to see him for what he was even in my dreams. Then they stopped for a long time. About a month ago I dreamt I was having trouble with my computer & he walked in to the room, looked right at me, came & sat down next to me & asked if he could help. I TURNED MY BACK ON HIM & DIDN'T EVEN ANSWER!!! I woke up & laughed! He's still in my head every day but not because I miss him or want to be with him. I think I'm still processing who he really is and that it wasn't me. It was him. He's a sick individual! It takes time and NC is the ONLY way you will heal. This is YOUR time. Take care of yourself.

I have been divorced from my narc psycho ex husband for a little over a year and have been NC since October 2010. I has just been recently where he is not the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing that I think about in the evening. I can't remember exactly when it happend but it was within the last two months that I noticed "hey, I am not thinking of him!" I think the longer you were with them the longer it takes, I was with him for 10 years, married the last 8 years. I didn't start having dreams about him till I went NC, NC is hard but I stuck to it. I believe my healing really started to take place once I started NC. Before that everytime I contacted him it would just put me back to step one and I had to start all over again. It was like giving my power to him then trying to take it back. NC is the only way you will heal. I too drove myself crazy tring to figure out why he was suddenly not calling or trying to contact me. These days, I don't care why, I don't care if he is having best time of his life, the worst time, don't care if he is "scared" to contact me or if is trying to "punish" me by not contacting me. I have no room for him in my life, he already stole a lot away from me. I am certainly not going to "give" him any of my time. I'd rather be home bored and lonely then back with him. Healing from men/women like this is hard and painful but you must do it for your sanity. You deserve much better than he could ever hope to give you. He was never good enough for you. I do believe the dreams are helping you heal, you miss him you still have feelings for him. It is normal to have these feelings after a break up, what makes it hard is that you see that THEY did not have those feelings. They quickly jump into another relationship as if yours with him never existed. THAT is not normal behavior! The new relationship is shallow just like he is. Your feelings of missing him and still having feelings for him are your and they are geniune. Own them, embrace them then let them go. They are yours to do what you want with, once again own them, feel them, mourn them and then let them go. Don't become a prisoner to them, let them go. Pray to God to heal your heart, help you stop loving him. It will happen, it just takes a while. Psalms 34:18~The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Joy2me P.S. I hope my reference to God and scripture do not offend anyone but this is what helped me.

I was in so much pain that I wanted to sleep just to forget. Then I would have the dream. One I remember was of me talking to him on the phone about a family get together we were going to. We were talking about what food I had made and what time he would get off work to come and join us. I woke up crying very hard. It was so painful to wake up and have reality hit you in the face. The reality of the fact that I'd been living and loving a really screwed up person. I had told him about the dream, I think I texted him. He answered with something like: that is a terrific dream, hold on to it. I want your dreams to come true. WTH?! Just more psycho nonsense. You will stop dreaming with him involved. I still dream but he is not included. I'm happy for that!

You are right. Dreams are tools for your healing. Some more info about dreams and healing: http://elevated.freeyellow.com/page22.html

I think is the minds way of trying to process. I left 4 months ago and still have dreams. They all have the same theme. I am chasing xN around and xN is chasing other women and basically treating me like she did in waking life - like shit! Who needs it?? Yet, they are still vivid and intense and I wake up feeling the trauma all over again. I will tell you they are becoming less frequent. Look at it as a necessary part of healing. xx, Rose

Tonight was my second dream with him. It was all perfect and I was missing him so much when I woke up... I just woke up, saying I miss you... I thought I am better now. After 9 weeks.. but.. it's the first loving dream of him.. maybe because of my move yesterday. It's hard.

My N moved out eight months ago and just recently I have been having dreams abou him. All the dreams have basically the same feeling...I am terribly confused, he won't call me, trying to figure out why he won't talk to me....all the dreams are about trying to figure out why he is so mean to hi I think when I doubt myself I look a these dreams and they tell the story!!!

I promise. these first weeks are so so hard. There is so much inner angst, loss, grief, anger, confusion, to take in and process. Your mind is in a battlezone. Treat yourself like you are in critical care in the hospital- with a serious virus. The nurses are the forum, your trusted friends, your inner strong voice that wants the best for you and your higher power if you have one. Just make everything as gentle and easy in your life as possible. Take out as much stress and overload as you can. Simplify. You are grieving and this process is deep. You WILL not suffer like this forever. I promise you. I am just 4 months into NC and yes, I am still in pain but I have improved tremendously since the first days. Stay very close to this forum. we will hold you when you cannot hold yourself.

http://aftermath-surviving-psychopathy.org/radio/index.php/2011/03/21/aftermath-radio-why-is-it-so-hard-to-get-over-a-relationship-with-a-psychopath/ Per Dr. Leedom, in the podcast link above, healing for some can take 10 + years, depending on a number of variables. In terms of the dreams and thinking about him; that can take some months or years, based on my experience. Everyone is different and I think the length of time in the relationship has significance. Key is NC...everytime contact is made, the clock on healing is reset. None of this is easy but, you can do it.

This might have been the worst part of my break up. Having to wake up and remind myself that it really happened. I had the most vivid dreams...and I don't dream that much. It was TERRIBLE. But it goes away!! That happened in the first month, but now that I'm on to month 2, I haven't been dreaming about him like that. And I don't wake up with that horrible feeling that I have to remember the entire nightmare of our break up every day. It goes away. I promise. Write down your dreams for now. i did, and it was helpful. I was able to analyze them and get some healing from it. It takes effort, but hey, it's better than waking up miserable! Hugs!