How does one learn to LOVE themselves?

that's PTSD... are you seeing a trauma counselor, on meds? Loving yourself again takes patience and time - a LOT LOT LOT of time. It's part of healing. Stop expecting so much so soon. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

page 31 of Stuart Wildes book 'The Trick to Money is Having Some' "Acceptance is the foundation of receiving it is also the way you pull people to you. when you can accept yourself and others, a calm exists all around you. that energy exudes an unusual power. People are fascinated by it. They feel secure within it and are automatically drawn to it. Once you accept yourself you do not need to create an abrasive attitude toward the actions of others even if you do not agree. When you put out negative attitudes you block your life energy's flow and create walls between yourself and others. The inner you is what you believe about yourself. By not buying into the negative aspects of others and being more tolerant you avoid being controlled by them and can direct your life in the way you want it to go." Here are some affirmations that you can say to yourself. Monitor your thinking and when you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself or someone else just say one of these. I release these thoughts for my own well-being My mind is calm and relaxed I am at peace with myself and others I am filled with peace and harmony I am generous and loving It really doesn't matter I feel peace and harmony. I let go of this frustration for my own well-being I am relaxed and let go of the past The theory is 'what you think about you bring about' so if you monitor your thoughts and think about what you want to bring about- not what other people have tried to bring about for you-then you love yourself!

why do I get mistreated for being caring and nurturing towards others, I have given things away to help others, like old chairs, couch for someones son in college, didnt charge them a thing for it and I always get shit on in the end. One time a friend and I were going to exchange christmas gifts well I gave her hers and she gave me NOTHING, I was really hurt as I spent over 30.00 on hers, it was just the idea that she didnt care and she accepted the gift and I never heard from her again. There are takers in this world and she was a taker, doesnt mean there was anything wrong with me, IT WAS HER that lacked manners and tact but NOOOOO I started blaming myself as usual thinking god maybe she didnt like me or something, why do I think that way, I also had a friend who said alot of women will be jealous of you because you are so pretty, that is so childish and its BULL SHIT Iam always nice to all women I dont talk about myself, I care about their problems and listen, I dont flaunt myself in the least, but some people are like that they automatically dont like ya because you are pretty, I see beautiful women all the time some are snoody and know they are beautiful and some are really very very nice people, I am not jealous of someone who is prettier than myself, I am always complimentary towards them but thats just me, alot of people arent that way. So how do you learn to love yourself, thats hard when you are a giver and get shit on by others all the time, pretty soon you start to think there is something wrong with you that nobody is appreciative of someone else doing them a favor just because you are a good hearted person. I get used alot, and I try to give those in need my help thinking they are down now in life and need help, I also gave her some of my childs clothes that were like new as she said she didnt have much to get them for school and she said that would be great. So I gave her a few things and a week later she was an absolute snob to me, WTF I never did anything to her except give her a couch and clothes I mean people are really weird. I am not giving anything to anybody ever ever again I am all done, I will only help those that are very close to me. I gave my psychopath a clock that was my parents when they died, because he knew my parents and I wanted to give him something from the family, and when I was at his house it was nowhere to be found, he threw it out, he lied and said he kept it by his nightstand ya right he could have cared less, it meant nothing to him well you cant go by that example I guess anyway. Is there something written on me that says, USE ME, ABUSE ME and take advantage of me I like to feel unappreciated and treated like crap when I do for others and GET NOTHING BACK. What is wrong with people, some are a dime a dozen and I guess I need to a bit more careful who I select to do a kind deed for. I dont know how to love myself anymore, I feel rejected, used, taken advantage of I feel maybe there is not much to love about myself? Nobody else seems to

I've been working on this since last year after ex Narc pretty near destroyed me. Councilling has helped this along. I recieved alot of negative messages early in my life, from my mother and I was abused aswell. Councilling is a great thing! Sit down have a good look at yourself your stengths and weaknesses.Good Qualities that you have, Things that you have achieved in your life-obsticles that you have overcome in your life. And instead of listening to that negative thought process start replacing every negative self defeating thought with a postive one!!This is hard to do-you have catch yourself stop!then replace the thought. To love yourself you have to start thinking differently about yourself and throw away all the projections that others have embeded in you. You have to believe in yourself again-build your self esteem again and your confidence. Nuture self love by keeping away from those that have a negative affect on you. Resetting boundries with family and friends-decide how you would like to be treated!! If you don't love you-then nobody else will either, only those in similar mindsets. And nothing good will come of that. Believe that you are a 'worthwhile,lovable person'-and that 'I deserve'....I started with those 2 thoughts

I think it is possible, however from personal experience it has taken a long time and I know there is a way to go. I can identify with what you say. I have had negative messages from a lot of people in my life, particularly from those close who were meant to love me. Years ago a neighbour of mine, a woman who was twenty years older than me, said to me one day, 'I think a lot of people are jealous of you'. At the time I had no idea what she meant as my self esteem was very low, although on the outside I think I have always appeared competant. Now I get what she meant. At school I was told I questioned too much, my mum always framed any talent I had as a negative quality, I was a drama queen, I had an over active imagination, I needed a soap box to preach feminism from, I was over sensitive and highly strung. She even called the GP to sedate me on one occasion. Then my dad rubbished my academic ability saying I had concentration problems, I was thick, slow, stupid, and because I had problems spelling he always got me to spell words to give his friends a laugh! They both compared me to my sister, who (apparently) was quieter, prettier, had the right friends, etc. She also did well at school. No wonder I stayed married to an unemotional man who put me down for twenty five years. He still treated me better than my parents. He used to tell me I couldn't distinguish fantasy from reality when I said I would love him to praise me or compliment me, or just be pleased for me when I had some success or other. He said that only happened in the movies. He also said of friends who bought their wives flowers that they must have a guilty conscience. When he met the woman who is now his wife, he bought her flowers, he bought her jewellery, he took her on holidays, all while he was still living with me. When we divorced I went to University aged 41 and there I met the most charming man. He adored me, he bought me presents, made an effort, praised me and we moved in together. Three years down the line he started hitting me. He told me I was over sensitive, a drama queen, I lived my life in my head, I had an over active imagination, I was thick, I was full of feminist shit, I was mean with money like my dad,mental like my mother, and 'people' had a problem with me. When I finally escaped from the torture after six years, leaving with what I could get in one small car, I barely knew how I would keep myself from going under. Loving myself wasn't on the radar, however as I have moved forward I have realised if I don't love and value myself I will be abused by others again in the future. (There are abusers in all walks of life) I don't think there is one easy answer as to how you learn to love yourself and I think it will be different for everyone. I guess I have stayed around people who give me positive messages about myself, and in truth there have always been plenty of those, but for some reason I chose to believe those who said bad things about me knew me better! I guess it matched the shame I felt inside. Now I know my mum and dad brought infuences from their pasts to the life they made together. I think they were frightened of a daughter than didn't fit what was expected in a small rural community. I have gradually learnt to love myself. It started with me looking for evidence of all the negative labels people had pinned on me and I also looked at who was succeeding in life against all the odds - it was me, (often not my critics, so I must be doing something right. I then gradually began to believe in me. I also looked at the times in my life I had gone with my gut feeling and at these times the outcome had been good for me. I could see that when I let others persuade me to their point of view things didn't go so well. I also started listening to the criticisms and got braver in not taking it. I started saying things like, 'I hear you have no faith in me', 'I hear you have no respect for me', 'I hear I don't make you happy'. I stopped taking responsibility for others and I started erecting boundaries. I did a lot of work on myself. I also started listening to those friends who said 'I think you're amazing', 'I wish I could have done half of what you've done', 'you've got an incredible brain'. I also gained a new friend who said she thought a lot of people had been mean to me because it suited them when I wouldn't conform to what they wanted and she said she thought it was so cruel that they had done it in the name of love. I now know I am analytical because it suits me; it's my way of knowing the world. I do analyse everything and I still question. It may not suit you, but its fine for me! I'm intelligent, and yes my brain does flit from one subject to another and that makes me good at project management; I manage four projects at work, no problem. I love drama and role play and use it in my work with students, I have an imagination that comes up with creative ideas, and it's fun. I love putting these ideas in to my work, my home and my hobbies and in to my life in general. Yes, I am sensitive and intuitive and I have a huge capacity for empathy for my fellow human beings. Consequently I'm valued as a member of the team at work and by my friends and neighbours and those I come in to contact with through my work. I do have a different way of processing information. I'm dyslexic and now I understand how my brain works I understand why I had trouble spelling. It takes a lot of concentration to get the results I do. I've always gravitated towards unconventional friends because they seemed to judge me less and understand me more than my parents middle class high achieving friends did. I bought myself a copy of, 'When I love myself enough' by Kim McMillen and I read it slowly out loud to myself every day until I could draw on those quotes without the book. As the first quote reads: 'When I loved myself enough I quit settling for too little' Just in case I forget I buy myself flowers every week! I hope some of my story helps.