How do I stop Romanticizing???

I was talking with a friend last night about the major disconnect between my head and my heart...

My head knows that this man is not for me:
1. He wants an open relationship, I do not
2. He lies
3. He's selfish
4. My feelings were never taking into consideration
5. He would withhold affection when he was angry or I stood up for myself
6. He cheated
7. Ugh....the list goes on and on...after all he is a NARC!

I wake up in the middle of the night and miss the guy I used to know...the one that swept me off of my feet. The one with the sensitive eyes who was so eager to spend time with and love me... in short, the guy that I knew the first year of the relationship; the persona he used to "win" my affection.

Even though this man caused me so much pain, how do I stop romanticizing him? I go over in my head all the terrible things he did and why we are not together (the open relationship thing alone should be enough to be a deal breaker.) But my heart, after all this time, still aches for him.

This is preventing me from finding a more suitable partner...I'm closed off...no one can live up to the image of my ex.

The hardest part for me, is that he moved on and married his partner (my ex who did not believe in marriage; gay or straight marriage is now married...mind you it IS AN OPEN MARRIAGE...) But I still unconsciously fantasize about the proposal, the ceremony, the honeymoon...How I would have felt if HE proposed to me...as I so wanted him to.

Again, I know...THANK GOD he didn't, but how do I convince myself that he is not any different with his new partner. Does his new partner just go along with his neglect and abuse? The open relationship thing gets the whole cheating dilemma off the table. Is his partner a NARC as well?

The good thing is that I do not know anything about their relationship aside from them having an open marriage. That is also a bad thing, because I then romanticize what they have. I guess I romanticize my ex's partner as well.

Why is it working for them? If it wasn't or my ex was unhappy, he would be outta there in a heartbeat...the same way he left me.

I miss the guy I once knew. The guy I fell in love with. I know that that guy is not real, but aren't we all our best in the beginning of a relationship? After the honeymoon phase, even normal, healthy relationships lose their sparkle and each partner is faced with who each other TRULY are.

I guess it would have been different if I had been the one who ha done the leaving...not the one who was left.