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How do I move on?

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#1 Jun 4 - 3PM
courtneyj
courtneyj's picture

How do I move on?

How do I move on? I am sure this question has been posted. I have finally completely shut him out of my life. As of today, He cannot contact me at work, cell phones, or email.

I am so broken-hearted that my ex-fiancee narcasist and compulsive liar, broke up with me over email and started dating a woman with two kids three days later. He was constantly calling me and I couldnt take it. This relationship was so complex and hurtful that I had to move from Manhattan to Chicago. He wasnt leaving me alone.

I have been joining groups, dedicating the majority of my time to work and working out. I have gone out on dates etc. I havent met anyone that I can click with. How does he just pick up after being engaged and telling me over and over how in love with me he was and wanted to have a family with me two weeks prior.

I miss NYC so much I was not ready to leave. I had a life there. I had friends there. I know if I moved back there he would make my life hell.

I am so hurt by him and I just want to be happy. I am not afraid of being a lone but I was so unloved by him for 4 1/2 years that I am ready to love someone that loves me back. I want to be with someone genuine. A man that when he says he loves me, he really does!!

how do i not think about him or beat the crap out of him (i am not crazy, i just feel that way)!!! I am so angry at this man and hurt by him, yet I still feel bad for him and a love for him, although I never want to be with him again!!! I have been told time is the only thing that works.

Yesterday, he sent me a picture book I made him for valentines day backin the mail and pictures of him and I. I am convinced he wants to hurt me. Please help, I am sorry if this seems all over the place. I am just broken hearted and do not know what to do.

Jun 4 - 4PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

You are not all over the

You are not all over the place you are on a specific level of the healing process. You are in withdrawl. you had to change your entire life in order to feel safe and he is stalking you. I think you are in a new location, without the familiar sights and sounds of home, you are at a loss to understand what has happened to you, and you are still looking at him as someone who should be having the same normal emotions that you are experiencing-he won't: he has no feelings for you or anyone and the new 'love of his life' is just the next victim. Everything that you are doing is right on you just have to keep doing it. I think there is a time when we just change our attitude about 'him' and that releases us emotionally. It came for me when after ruining my life my ex called me, in the city that I moved to, how he got my work number I have no idea-and asked if he could stay with me as he was at a conference and wanted to save the money given to him for the hotel. I remember thinking this guy is nuts I want to kill him not house him and then the dam broke. I just laughed, said, "No" and hung-up. It has been many years and I never heard from him again. they move on also to other failures and other victims and when they get around 60 they seem to self- destruct financially and emotionally. I saw that so many times in narcissists that I worked with and knew that I am sure it happened to him -if he got that far. You will get a photo or other momento from him and the dam will break for you.You will just start to laugh and see how ridiculous all of this is and then you will move on emotionally like you have moved on physically. You are so brave to take such drastic actions to be safe-now go just one step further and do Lisa's no contact-no matter what strategy. then you will be home free.
Jun 4 - 4PM
neveragain
neveragain's picture

You're Better Off

CourtneyJ: My heart goes out to you, it really does. I am also in recovery from being heartbroken and conned by my ex-N. I am also having a hard time. I think that it's normal to feel this way at this time. It's hard to look back and make sense of anything. You've been betrayed by someone you loved. It's that simple. Understanding the "WHY" of it all is frustrating and frankly, unattainable. The "WHY" factor boils down to the one answer that we can't process: Narcissists do not have the ability to love. They fake it. You've experienced this first hand and because they're the best actors on the planet, we believed them. I'm so sorry you're in pain but really, you're better off without him. He was never going to be able to be there for you, love you, care for you and provide you with a lifetime filled with support and compassion. You're better off! He was never going to be the man you fell in love with. He faked you out! You're doing the right thing by staying as far away from him as possible. The next thing he sends you, return it without opening it. He'll continue to try and hurt you if you even give him the slightest oppportunity to do so. Protect yourself and your heart. As far as dating right now, you can give yourself some time off. I tried it too and it felt wrong somehow. It felt like too much work for too little reward so I gave myself permission to take a vacation from dating for now. I'm concentrating on ME. I'm reading as much as I can about Narcissism and how I can build my self esteem. My self worth took such a beating under the stress of my ex-N's sarcasm and ability to devalue me. I felt like I wasn't worth anything. It's not easy to recover from this but you can do it. Keep reading, posting and above all: Be Gentle With Yourself! Take bubble baths, listen to beautiful music, take walks in the park, watch funny movies, eat super healthy food, exercise and focus on yourself. You deserve to be loved and the first person that can nurture you is yourself. Hang in there and know that you're not alone and you're going to be okay!!