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How do I let go?

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#1 Jul 5 - 3AM
drazia
drazia's picture

How do I let go?

He left and now he is turning into all I ever wanted to start with. Now he is spending time with our daughter, going places helping around the house. For Gods sake he even held the door for me. There are times now that I feel happy only to realize its over. I then fall apart. Why couldnt he want to change to save us? Im finding that people in my life just arent there for me and cannot understand what Im going through. Im just tired all the time. Always trying to make things ok for everyone. My little girl is everything to me. She loves her Daddy and I want her to have two parents to love. Im angry at myself for still loving him even though he never was ther for me. But I still cant let go of the hope that he might some how want to change and be a part of our lives. I dont know how to let go of him because I see him as part of me and as my family.

Jul 6 - 4PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Hi Drazia, my friend. Great

Hi Drazia, my friend. Great to finally see you here. I know you are in the right place. xxx
Jul 6 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
drazia
drazia's picture

Thanks

Im in a really bad place in my head. All day feeling sick about the whole thing. Worried he has moved on and mad that I cant. My brain is in a total fog. At least this blog has made me feel not crasy like some people think I am. But my heart bleeds.
Jul 5 - 7AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Unfortuantely, you can't let

Unfortuantely, you can't let go completely. Since you have a child together, he will forever be in your life. You will have to find the most suitable way to "manage" your relationship. Which will be tough...........there are book written on the subject, have seen them at Barnes and Nobles. Maybe they could be helpful? You will need to find a way to have a relationship in order to raise your daughter together, for your daughters sake. If I find any of those book titles, I will certainly pass them along! Good luck Drazio. and I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
Jul 5 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
drazia
drazia's picture

Thanks

I am trying so hard to manage things. Its been rough. Everything I have done has been for my child. There has been no name calling or fighting. I do cry alot and I am trying to control that and its been hard. If you find the books let me know .Thanks again
Jul 5 - 7AM
SoOverItNext
SoOverItNext's picture

Its hard

Especially when there are children involved. My daughter LOVES her dad so much and so do I. I jsut know the abuse that he put me through was well beyond my boundaries. There are other people in my life who I love just as much but who I will love from a distance because I need to take the time to love me first. When you put you and your child as number 1 in your life, things will fall into place with the people around you...including men. If you can't let go for you, do it for her. Give her the chance to see a healthy whole mom and a healthy consistent relationship....eventually. It is very hard but you deserve the real deal not a mask. I've learned that change...when it comes to a Narc...is a mask. I have had a lot of issues in my life that stem from childhood that I have had to change and believe me...change can't be hidden for long. In order to change, you have to dig up old habits, recognize patterns, search inside to your core and it really take a lot of commitment and honesty with yourself. If this man can or has done that, let the process happen and see where it goes. He could be that 1% that does change. But maybe your focus should be on YOU while he is fixing HIM. Just my thoughts.
Jul 5 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
drazia
drazia's picture

Thank you

I wish it was just him I need to let go of. I need to also let go of the dreams I had of us together and the hopes I had for us as a family. I know that the way things were going between us wasnt good, but it was all because he wouldnt participate in our lives together. I mean he never wanted to do anything,I was Mom and Dad. Now he has stepped up and wants to do stuff and help. What gives? Now he wants to be the man I knew he was, but he only wants to be that man if we are apart? I dont get it. I miss how we were before we had our daughter. He wasnt always like this, but it was always there under the surface.
Jul 5 - 3AM
janine
janine's picture

letting go

It must be difficult for you when you have a child together considering I found it to be that without any kids involved. It seems to me, Drazia, that you have begun the process of letting go. The longer you are away the more you will detach. Feelings follow our actions. You can do that despite loving him. I have decided to love mine from afar. "Why couldn't he change to save us?" Because changing is a tough thing to do for all of us and close to impossible for a N. They may adapt for a while, if they see a need to. Mine did, but I knew him only too well to believe in that change. Keep reading here and you will understand.