how to build self esteem again.

i don't know if these feelings are directly linked to my narc but i was bullied, ridiculed, called stupid, accused of not "doing enough and being enough". the bullying nearly killed me. i remember clearly looking at the kitchen door and imagining cutting myself with a knife.

it's insane how someone can make you feel that way. today, i struggle because i am engaged to be married and i don't think anyone will come to my wedding. it makes me feel sick to put myself "out there". i also feel like there is something wrong with me, that i don't have enough friends or enough money or enough motivation.

i have a fiance, my best friend is my sister and i have around 2 close friends i would trust with secrets. i have a friend from school and another from college. i feel other people have a lot more friends than i have - because of things i see on facebook etc. i feel like i need people to tell me i am great and worth it. i am looking for these words to be said by friends. my fiance says it all the time. i don't think my confidence hole can be fixed by other people, but i'm not sure.

i need to get my self esteem and confidence back up but i don't know how to do it.