how to become wiser...

hi all...

I have been doing some work processing my past relationships as well as friendships. what stands out to me right now is that there is a group of people who, when I first met them, I found either only moderately attractive or not attractive at all (on a gut feeling level), but who worked their way up to "very attractive" once they started talking deeply and establishing this great "connection". but later - surprise - all of them turned out to be very disordered.

to be clear, I have other "candidates" on my list who started out "very attractive" but then later turned out to be disordered, mainly "commitment phobic" - but those are not my problem at this point because I think I will be able to deal with them in the future.

it's the ones in the other group that trouble me. none of them was "very attractive" to me at first sight, but does that mean that if someone isn't, I'd rather not get to know them because they might override this gut level and work their way into my heart, and without exception turn out to be bad apples?

in other words: should I go so far in trusting my gut feelings that I should not even consider people who don't strike me as "very attractive" right from the start? or is it sufficient to give them a chance but watch out for red flags?

now that I laid it all out by writing it down, it seems I found the answer and it is the latter - watching out for red flags. well, it is late where I am and I'll go to bed, sorry if this sounds confusing, but please give me some input on this, I am curious about your experiences.

thanks, good night and much love,
ididni