how

20 posts / 0 new

#1 Mar 17 - 10AM

enoughalready

How does one pick up of the pieces left of my self-esteem while the ex-N is out there enjoying his new sources of supply as if he caused no damage at all? What's our revenge? NC? It seems as though he could careless whether he hears from me or not? As long as he has other sources of supply to go to. There's no justice except for saving ourselves from evil and pain. I so regret all the love and energy I placed on my ex-N, what a waste of my time!!!

#2 Mar 21 - 11PM

Unique-Lyric

How...

Because they can and they use all the smooth lines and tactics to do so. I saw what he left on his yahoo page: â€œlook beyond the physical to learn the emotionalâ€ So what is this to mean? I know good and well it is not for me. Must be something he needs to tell himself about the new supply, WTF? He should have wrote: Look beyond the physical to DESTROY the emotional is more like it!!! F*&King Nut!! Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

#3 Mar 21 - 5PM

micala

Going through the same exact thing

enoughalready, I hear you loud and clear and I too am going through the same exact feelings. All I see is happiness that his new supply is giving him. We were at one time best friends then turned romantic and had a 9 year romance but the minute i bucked his fantasy he was onto the next supply and i was histroy. I am distroyed that someone i considered a forever friend would have done this. He has blocked me and now calls me nuts cause I reacted to all he has done. He turned everything onto me and has somehow managed to justify all he has done to me. I am so mad at myself for even caring or having him in my thoughts since I know i deserve better. I am trying so hard to get past this and I too feel that there is no justice for what they put us through. I hate the fact that there is a part of me that still loves him even though i know the part i love is pretend man! He just is able to go about with his life as if the last 12 years never exsisted and I meant nothing to him all. He put me in the trash because I gave him honesty about his mid life crisis endeaver. They hate reality and I was obviously too real for him however i know that with or without me in his life reality will eventually seep its way into his life! lol Hang in there!

micala

#4 Mar 17 - 4PM

AnotherPath

I spent two years reading

I spent two years reading books and articles on the subject, I know you've read some, one that really stuck out for me was People of the Lie, by Scott M Peck. After a time your self esteem will pick up. You'll get, really GET, that there is no enjoyment for the Narcissist, he tries very hard to enjoy himself to keep him from having to look at himself and what he's done, he may not even be conscious of this. The trying to enjoy himself and frantically find new supply to make him happy just doesn't work which is why they move on to the next thing to try to make them happy, because in every relationship their damage comes through eventually. Because that's the true him. And I've spoken to two of my ExN's girlfriends their time was as appalling as mine. The N lives in fear of his own personality. Their whole life is a lie. The looking happy is a lie. NC is important, but actually you will get a lot from it, it's not about even hoping he will care that you are NC, because he couldn't give a damn about anyone or any relationship when he's not getting what he wants from it anymore. You'll get to the point were NC means you can move forward, there becomes a distance from that relationship and you just see him as evil and sick by this point. Be glad you didn't have children with him, he's still lurking in my life because of this and threatening me with court ALL the time over visitation. I still have bad days with all this. Revenge...... having a good life, knowing what a bad one feels like and never going there again. You have an opportunity to build a much better life from the experience. He can't do this ever.

Ending the dance

#5 Mar 19 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

TexN (not verified)

AnotherPath

You are exactly right about N's not being able to be happy. I remember times when we went camping or to the beach, he still didn't seem to be happy. The kids would be splashing in the water or making sandcastles & he'd be preoccupied with something else. Its like he didn't know how to relax & enjoy what should have been good times. He & I couldn't BBQ in the backyard without him leaving for hours at a time just to go get bread or something that we needed. So even when he was home, he "really wasn't home"...

#6 Mar 20 - 12AM (Reply to #17)

rache

Mine

Bar-be-cued,BUT,once,he threw the skewers across room because i didnt put onions on right,ugh,then,next time so he could stare at neighbors (women)we were only married three months and i filed and paid for divorce-he has been trying to lure me back in so he can off me and collect like he did on the rest/victims.

#7 Mar 20 - 12AM (Reply to #14)

wallaby (not verified)

Ya - its a manic energy

Not real happiness. Restless, like sharks that have to keep moving or they die.

#8 Mar 21 - 4AM (Reply to #15)

TexN (not verified)

Great description- Sharks!

Thats exactly right! He could not stay still to save his life! He was constantly doin something! Even at nite when everyone was sleepin, he was roomin the house or out messing around in his truck organizing his tools! What a freak!

#9 Mar 21 - 5AM (Reply to #16)

Healingnow

roaming

Yes my exN was like that too. Always on the go, taking on lots of jobs (about 4 at on time). Getting up in the night and going downstairs. Could never sleep right through. I thought he said it was cos of his past relationship, where his ex would wake him up at night screaming at him and trying to argue. I feel quite odd now about the thought of him being here knowing what he is now. It makes me feel very unsafe to think I was exposed like that.

#10 Mar 17 - 7PM (Reply to #12)

Barbara (not verified)

untreatable

here's why psychologists won't treat Narcs: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/03/16/pathologizing-treating-victim-instead-narcissist essentially, they are UNTREATABLE ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#11 Mar 17 - 5PM (Reply to #11)

enoughalready

AnotherPath

Well stated. Thanks, your insight is greatly appreciated:-)

#12 Mar 17 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

Klarity Belle

Ditto

Hey AnotherPath I've read and studied the dynamics of personality disorders for some time now too. Out of all the PD's imo NPD and the cluster B's are the worst, even psychiatrists are reluctant to take these people on as clients. Todays blog article here is very accurate in that NPD is a moral/spiritual disorder - these folk know what they are doing, they know they are manipulating and decieving and deliberately set out to do so. I too have children with an ex N. This piece of filth would have been long gone from my life if I did not share offspring with him. Now he shames, degrades and critisizes them whenever he has the opportunity. He has a hook in me still by proxy of my kids. I truly wish he would drop dead but as that looks unlikely I am thinking of immigrating with my kids to be free of his evil. If you are pregnant and with an N - RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN NOW! They will only continue to make yours and your children's lives HELL. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

#13 Mar 17 - 7PM (Reply to #10)

notadoormat

Klarity Belle

I also share two children with me exNH POS. He was remarried a year after our divorce was final. He crammed the new step family down my children's throats. He moved my kids and himself into her house that she already had with her own kids. Now there is so much rivalry between all of the kids over there. I think hers are pissed that mine infringed on their territory. He has been unemployed for 4 months. But he couldn't be bothered to watch his own children before and after school to spare me outrageous monthly childcare expenses. Just started new job this week. Now is claiming that he is earning less than me. All of the proof he has supplied for his income thus far has been inconsistent to say the least. So now my attorney has to subpoena all information as he can't be trusted not to "alter" it - like he does so well. I am hoping in the end, I can prove he perjured, get his ass arrested and report him for fraud to the IRS. He has no idea who is screwing with.

#14 Mar 17 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

AnotherPath

Klarity Belle

The things they do when you have children..............sick. He has a new supply and tells my kids how in love he is and wants to marry her they're only 4 and 6, she drives my kids around and has them stay at hers, she's NO idea. YET Mine is such a shit (like they are) he wanted to live round the corner and share the children with me, he wanted half my house (I paid for) as he was on the mortgage, wanted it sold so the children and I would have no home. He stole my car I got it back. He paid no maintenance for 2 years even though had a great job. He just wanted money. The reality....... he has a criminal record for life (from what he did to me) another year on probation, couldn't live round the corner due to a restraining order, sees the children every other saturday, yesterday he came off the deeds to the house, YES it's mine again, he is unemployed and on benefits oh and to top it off he still has huge man boobs and a fat arse and is cluster B. How's that for Karma

Ending the dance

#15 Mar 17 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

Klarity Belle

"he is unemployed and on

"he is unemployed and on benefits oh and to top it off he still has huge man boobs and a fat arse and is cluster B. How's that for Karma" That is great Karma - especially how you whipped his sorry fat arse and the man boobs - well I couldn't stop laughing! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

#16 Mar 17 - 3PM

herlatestvictim

ongoing struggle

I struggle with this too... no matter what, it seems they have everything and we have nothing but pain. I too believe they are suffering inside and are never truly happy with any of the NS. There is no amount of NS that can satify them. They pretend...their whole life is a game of pretend.

#17 Mar 17 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

AnotherPath

Your pain will get less. He

Your pain will get less. He lives a life of pain, diabolical pain which if he looked at would be so overwhelming, that's why they never look at it and have to keep moving on to new supply and situations. Would you honestly swap your life for his? They have nothing but fake friends who don't know them, partners and children who leave or get left and in the end are only left eventually with a girlfriend who goes by the name of Pixel.

Ending the dance

#18 Mar 17 - 2PM

quietude (not verified)

enoughalready

No Contact will starve their supply. I know you can probably think of dozens of ways to screw him over...I get that, believe me. But, it keeps you involved, and some attention for an N is better than zero. The truth is, he can ACT any old way he wants. He NEEDS those supply sources to exsits. This doesn't mean he's genuinely happy. He's absolutely hollow inside...his only real attributes are always simmering rage and evil. You pick up the pieces by doing many of the things suggested on this site for starters. I know you can't get back the time, but I am grateful for not spending another minute longer than I did with my ex.

#19 Mar 17 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

enoughalready

quietude

yes, good point. I know there's so much to be grateful for in my life, it's just difficult to focus when my heart and self-esteem is broken. i do use knowledge as i've read 5 books so far about narcissism. I feel so stupid as i'm an RN with 15 plus years experience in critical care not in psych. Thanks so much for your advice, believe me I need all the knowledge I can get to understand a disease that's incurable.

#20 Mar 17 - 11AM

bitterdestiny

When you figure it out let

When you figure it out let me know lol I know how to get mine fired up but that's about it. I've thought about becoming that dream girl he wants then calling him up to meet me just to laugh and tell him ha you had your chance, but its just a dream.

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