HORRIBLE FLASHBACK....

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#1 Apr 28 - 11AM

Anonymous (not verified)

HORRIBLE FLASHBACK....

just flashed back on this....i'm sure some of you can related.......i'm 53...the psychonarc was 60.....
for many years i looked younger than i was.....quite a bit younger....and for the first few years even the psycho didn't do much wear and tear to the outside of me....until he because violent toward me and my pets....then i went downhill in a hurry......
anyway....when i took that piece of psycho crap to the hospital....he was laying there....DYING...in liver failure..and bright orange......he was pretty much out of it...and i was trying to give information to some clerk who was trying to get his insurance info and stuff....and she looked at me and said.....'are you his mother?'....THAT'S what he's done to me...
i try never to look into a mirror anymore...because i don't recognize that old woman....i look haggard and exhausted...i look like i'm in my 70's...
and he was laying there dying and looked 40....

i made the mistake of looking in a mirror this morning..and look even older today.....i look 80.....

#2 Apr 29 - 9AM

livewpsycobabble

Nothing

Good for you Narcnarc!! I wouldn't even put an obit in the paper. No worth the ink and paper space it would take up. As-far-as his ashes? Wouldn't take the time to divide them up nor the gas or postage to take them to his enabliers. Only thing I would spend time and money on is gas to take the ashes to the nearest land fill and toss them in. Your being too kind to take the time to call back his "friends" just let them figure it out for themselves. ~Hugs~ to you!

#3 Apr 29 - 9AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

no funeral........

no flowers no funeral no service....no one cares.....especially me.....i'm just gonna part him out and they can do with him as they please......

#4 Apr 29 - 6AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

accepting?

i NEVER accepted his abuse....and i'm not going to accept it now that he's dead.i had to TOLERATE his abuse...because i was trapped....he was a monster..for years i lived in terror of him....he threatened me and menaced me and my beloved pets DAILY for years...and he murdered the one i loved more than my own life.....ACCEPTING of his 'sickness'??....firstly, they're not SICK....they're NOT HUMAN...and secondly...if you think you had a PART in the 'sickness' of yours, you're WRONG...... i and my pets were held hostage for years by a raving maniac...who FINALLY got a little bit of what was coming to him....and i am going to REJOICE....now that i no longer have to fear him, i intend to MAKE FUN of his DEATH...like he made fun of my tears....like he made fun of my torture and torment at his hands........i'm going to SMILE at the thought of him being dead....the way he SMILED DOWN on the dead body of my dog he murdered!... there will be no forgiving....and no forgetting... and i am very sure that wherever he is...he is NOT enjoying what we are saying about him......because it's the TRUTH.... i HATE HIM...death doesn't change that...i hate ALL of them...every bastard who has hurt everyone here.... IMO to be 'accepting' of them is a slap in the faces of all of their victims........

#5 Apr 29 - 9AM (Reply to #26)

AnotherPath

Are you going to the

Are you going to the funeral? 6 months before I left exN I looked at him in bed while the fat slob was snoring away and imagined his funeral. I saw myself standing there and telling everyone what he really was. That little daydream used to give me comfort. Expose him at the funeral with all the evidence and then just walk away.

Ending the dance

#6 Apr 28 - 3PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

KUDOS TO YOU, FOOLMEONCE.......

i agree completely......how can we value ourselves...have any self respect and not hate the bastards who did such horrible things to us!!.... Narcs and Psychopaths rely on people feeling sorry for them...the list of people who enabled that crazed orange bastard to continue his reign or terror for as long as he did is disgusting and shameful in it's length.... we have to point them out...call them out...scream it from the rooftops....we have to rip their masks off and show the world what they really are....... i admire you stength in shouting it out....you hate that bastard who tried to destroy your life...and i hate him too...i hate all of them.....

#7 Apr 28 - 3PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

sympathy for the devil.....

is a dangerous thing....i know that many of the women here have had unspeakable things done to them ...mine was a true psychopath.....who tried to murder me the first time because i told him i wanted a divorce and he wasn't 'finished' with me yet.....tried to murder me the second time because he'd destroyed just about everything, and wanted my life insurance and what was left in the bank.....and murdered my 15 year old dog on Valentine's Day...just out of pure evil...... so do i hate him......yes..... him and all the other monsters like him....

#8 Apr 28 - 3PM

foolmeonce

Hate

I look at my hatred of the ex N as a very healthy thing. I was with a person who lied to my face repeatedly. I was a very "loving" person and constantly begged him to just let me go - if he didn't want to be with me - that was ok - I wanted nothing more than to go on with my life. My "loving" attitude brought 3 years of constant harassement, professions of love, etc. I am pretty damn healthy again - but I read over my journals of the time that he was in my life and I see how incredibly sad it is that for years I was suicidal, I had no hope for the future and no joy in my life. My hate of how I was treated is a sign that I am getting healthy, that I VALUE MYSELF, that I can see thru a piece of sh*t's lies and not be taken advantage of ever again. I went thru the whole Course of Miracles crap - of forgiveness, blah blah. I laughed when people said evil existed, because all I saw was good. I now know evil does exist and it's everyone's responsibility to call it out - not brush it under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist - that is the behavior that keeps narcissism going. I am loving and kind and I have a huge heart - and I love myself more than anyone else - and that LOVE is what enables me to say I HATE THAT MOTHER F*CKER FOR DOING WHAT HE DID AND FOR CONTINUING TO DO WHAT HE DOES. Yes, this is a place for healing and a huge part of healing is to be honest about how we feel. It was wrong, it never should have happened and the world is not a safe place with narcissists roaming free.

#9 Apr 28 - 3PM (Reply to #22)

foolmeonce

and more about hate

and while I was suicidal and having my brain f*cked with daily - he was in Europe six times, hanging out with friends, loving life and not having a care in the world. Do you think he ever shed one single tear for what happened between us? The problem is N's don't get what they deserve. Even narcnarc's N did not get what he deserved - while he layed dying he still did not GET what he had done to her - he still had someone come and see him in the hospital. He didn't even have to suffer very long - narcnarc's hate isn't even to the level it should be - narcnarc's N should have suffered without dialysis - without pain medicine - he should have died in a gutter like a piece of garbage because that is what he was. He died - yeah - but she has to live the rest of her life with the damage he has done to her.

#10 Apr 28 - 2PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

had to see it to believe it........

it was very satisfying to see the look on his face when they told him that his beloved Vodka had killed him..... i never thought i'd see him get his comeuppance...he'd gotten away with everything he'd ever done....including trying to murder me and murdering BEN... for years i'd dreamed of seeing justice served..longed to see it..and i finally got to....

#11 Apr 28 - 10PM (Reply to #19)

grossot

living vicariously thru u NN

I am glad, so very glad, NN, that you got to breathe when he got his comeupance. Wouldn't that have been a riot to have big ol' bottle of Absolute juuuuuust out of his reach? Him, lying there in his hospital bed, orange as tang, and you, at the foot of the bed casually flipping through a magazine and pretending to try to help him in his hour of need. I can see it now..... You, continuing to be engrossed in your article about nailpolish. Him, reaching desperately for his last swig of vodka. You, not even looking up for a second, put your arm that direction saying "Can't reach it dear. Sorry". Then glance at the clock as if to say, when are you going to die so I can get back to my life. Sorry, I tend to get carried away with my fantasies! God I'm glad he's dead. God, please come and rid the earth of this scum! If mine were on his death bed I would leave the hospital door wide open, pull all the curtains and leave him helpless on the bed bare ass naked with no covers in sight so all the free world could see his disgusting white hairy balls and his delapitated belly. That would be his dying wish. That all women could see his stunning body before he leaves this earth. Then I could let everyone know, oh BTW he used to soak in the tub with small children. Shithead. If he doesn't die in my lifetime please let him contract syphalys which goes untreated evolving into Mental Retardation with drool and helmets and the whole bit. Don't think I wouldn't be FBing that pic! http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#12 Apr 28 - 11PM (Reply to #20)

wallaby (not verified)

Grossot

Dang you are funny. You and NN should team up and write a play. A DARK comedy.

#13 Apr 28 - 2PM

foolmeonce

No contact doesn't apply if they are dying

I would LOVE to be there when the exN died - who else would spit in his face as he took his last breath???

#14 Apr 28 - 8PM (Reply to #17)

MsVulcan500

I wouldn't spit on him if he

I wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire!

#15 Apr 28 - 2PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

he's not my EX.........

i'm still married to him....because i couldn't get divorced from him...could find no help to get divorced from him..and he wasn't exactly cooperative.... so it's all fallen right into my lap.... i had reasons other than him for hanging out at the hospital when he was dying....

#16 Apr 28 - 1PM

taken

why...

I guess I am confused...one of the most important parts of trying to break free of these men is to have no contact with them.... Why are/were you having so much contact with your ex? After everything he did to you...why are you involved with any of the last arrangements for him? If you hate him so...isn't avoiding the whole thing a better way to go? Knowing he is dead...and that he can no longer physically hurt you or your animals should bring you comfort.... The rest should be for someone else to deal with. They do have "pauper's" funerals... No grave...no nothing...just dead.. Would seem better than continually giving him attention even after death by letting him live in your head.. No contact...that would mean to have none at all...right?

#17 Apr 28 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

Barbara (not verified)

taken

in narcnarc's case - it was different - he was a violent stalker - knowing where he was and what he was up to was her way of staying safe... they did NOT live together. her dead ex was a severely VIOLENT psychopath - should have been locked up but the police near her refused additionally being at the hospital made sure he didn't say or sign something to pass all that debt onto her, since he refused to divorce her it's too late for 'letting him live in her head' - he beat her so badly she's got permanent Complex PTSD ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#18 Apr 28 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

taken

glad I live where I live....

I guess I have one good thing going for me then... Where I live... You can get a divorce....if you want one...whether or not the one you are divorcing wishes to be divorced from you or not... Have to say it's kind of scary to see the extent of hatred that can be brought out in people... I hope to never hold as much hate as I have read on this forum.. I understand it at a level...but hating doesn't seem very healthy...I thought we were here to try to heal...

#19 Apr 28 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

taken

you are wrong - hate can be very healthy & motivating. Anger is also healthy - not a dirty word healing doesn't involve passivity, IMHO - hate can provide energy for change and for embracing reality. "Much may happen to make the angry man pity those who offend him, but the hater under no circumstances wishes to pity a man whom he has once hated: for the one would have the offenders suffer for what they have done; the other would have them cease to exist.â€ â€”Aristotle ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#20 Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

taken

opinion...

I don't feel hatred is healthy..my opinion of course. I guess I just will do my healing without hating. I appreciate the information of needing to read the book Women who Love Psychopaths...but maybe should find a different space to share my feelings. Wish you all the best. "Hate...breeds Hate" It was never an emotion I wanted in my life...and not about to embrace it now.

#21 Apr 28 - 9PM (Reply to #13)

wallaby (not verified)

I think hate is key

To the healing process. If we had been able to hate earlier then maybe we would have escaped sooner. Hate is a natural and necessary reaction to evil I think and, like anger, the thing that motivates us to finally protect ourselves with these animals. Everyone feels hate at some points and those who don;t own it are, I think, cutting themselves off at the knees. Not suggesting one should dwell on or stoke the fires of hatred as time goes on. But not acknowledging and allowing it drives it deeper and traps it where it does us no good. The degree to which we have been damaged is probably often proportional to the amount of hatred. NN and Foolmeonce lived in horror movies. Hatred is appropriate. WHen my 9 yo daughter tells me she hates the girl who bullys her at school (told everyone she had lice and hid hot pepper in my daughters's sandwich, tells my daughter she is fat and ugly and no one likes her) - My daughter tells me she HATES this girl. SHe does hate her and SHE SHOULD. The ones who don't hate her (or are not allowed to have and experience those feelings) will be her next targets. If I told her "No you don't hate her" (now that's a great way to really confuse a child about her feelings) or "we shouldn't hate, its not nice or Christian" I am shaming her for feeling a natural and healthy response to an enemy. Telling women who have been and are going through this kind of ordeal that they should not hate their attackers (or I guess express that they hate them - just keep it to themselves - or advise them to keep their feelings at bay) is only confusing and detrimental to whatever healing they are capable of. Not saying anyone did this - just pointing out that Barbara's approach is the only one where women can actually HAVE, EXPRESS and PROCESS these tremendous feelings of hatred that they did not choose to have in the first place -but have been left with as a result of been victimized.

#22 Apr 29 - 11AM (Reply to #14)

sanctuary

That was very well put

That was very well put wallaby. There are very few things I hate. But it's the hate that has fueled me to take action at times when I had become resigned to the crap that was happening. We need the anger and the hate to stand up and stop the insanity that N's create. It's better to acknowledge our feelings and deal with them than to deny them. Denying them and stuffing them down only leads to bigger and bigger problems down the road, both emotionally and physically. To me it's the same thing the N's are doing to us, denying us our feelings, we shouldn't do that to ourselves.

#23 Apr 28 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

Barbara (not verified)

taken

best of luck to you ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#24 Apr 29 - 5AM (Reply to #10)

taken

accepting...

I am choosing to work on accepting. The realities of his sickness...my part in it...and the process of moving on. If sincere....I thank you Barbara for your best wishes. One thought I did have that might be considered.... Hopefully the dead are not aware of the attention they get after death....or this guy is in Narc heaven being the most talked about thing on here since he passed. I wish all of you peace of mind.

#25 Apr 29 - 12PM (Reply to #12)

better off

Did he beat you, permanently

Did he beat you, permanently injure you, tell you to commit suicide, and kill your pets? Yes, we are trying to heal, and judging another person's pain or circumstances or mindset doesn't seem to be very productive either.

#26 Apr 29 - 9AM (Reply to #11)

AnotherPath

When I first split with him

When I first split with him I talked to victim support as he got a criminal record. I didn't hate and wasn't angry. They told me it would come in time and if it hadn't by 5 months they'd be worried. After a while I went into complete RAGE. It was great. I found such strength with what was going on. Now after two and a half years I don't have hate, I couldn't give a stuff about him, but I had to get there in stages, numb, denial, jealousy, HATE, acceptance and now indifference. For me it was all a long road of recovery. Still on that road.

Ending the dance

#27 Apr 28 - 12PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

it's beyond that..........

the lines in my face are permanent...as is the scar across my cheek from his slashing me with a wallpaper knife...i'm blind in my left eye from a cataract from the beatings....none of it goes away because of him.....none of it...the damage is permanent........

#28 Apr 28 - 12PM

AnotherPath

Well, now he's dead, you can

Well, now he's dead, you can be relieved, go have a hair cut, get some new clothes and become more you again. You can get back to you. If you looked younger for your years before then you will again now that he's off the scene. They drag you down into their living hell when you're with them.

Ending the dance

#29 Apr 28 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

she can't

she can't afford new clothes or a haircut he's driven her into abject poverty and left her there ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

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