Hoovers Just SUCK

So after 3 1/2 months NC, I got a hoover a couple of days ago. His Supreme Narcness wanted to wish me a belated happy birthday. Ain't that just the sweetest thing EVER??? (what an ahole). The text got through because though I blocked him through my cell carrier months ago, we both have iPhones and you have to turn iMessage off or texts get through anyway. I knew that because someone posted that here and I also did that months ago. What I didn't know is that I had to turn iMessage off on my iPad too or the text would come through there. That stupid loophole has now been taken care of.

I didn't respond and I'm not going to. This, though, historically is the time that I have always caved and gone back. I have been here, RIGHT HERE, in this very place, hoovered after weeks and months of total NC three times before ... I've made it 3 months, 6 weeks and 4 months NC, respectively, been hoovered each time and have gone back each time. I will NOT be going back this time. I. WILL. NOT.

I'd like to tell you all that this is easy, this time, but it's not. It still sucks. It's still hard. Really hard. Did I mention that it still sucks? There's something about being contacted that kicked a lot of that fantasy thinking right back in. Magical mirror goggles back on. Hoovers suck. That's why we're always told Contact = Pain. Because it does. In spite of everything I have done, all the work, one stupid little "happy belated birthday" has sent me, not quite spinning out of control, but much, much closer to the edge than I would like to be. And much closer than I thought I was. Thank God I learned here how to ask for help. I reached out to Goldie, much closer to desperate than I would like to admit and she yanked me back from the edge and revisited reality with me. She told me, quite clearly that it is a CHOICE, getting better is a choice that I have to make and that I have to make a declarative statement and make that choice, so I am making it. I. WILL. NOT. GO. BACK.

Thank God for this forum, for all the mods, all the members and for the mod who yanked my sorry butt back from the edge of the abyss last night.