holiday time sucks

Yes, the whole idea of summer has been making me physically ill. Every single weekend last summer he was gone--on friends' boats, at their summer homes, even on vacation with other women. Where were my daughters and me? Home. Why? Because every once in awhile, when I had had enough of waiting, I would plan something for my daughters and me. Then, and only then, would he ask, "What are you doing this weekend?" I'd freak out, and then admit "Well, I thought the girls and I might drive up to Wisconsin . . ." and he'd, of course, say, "Oh, well never mind. I thought we could do something together." And I'd say, "Yes! Let's! and he'd say, "Oh, no, no. Never mind." Maddening! So I'd plan NOTHING ever! And he and his foster child--who was supposed to have been ours--went off every Friday and came back Sunday night, tan and beautiful. Of course, when I'd invite him to something every weekend he'd say, "Oh I think I might have to work." Never, ever. Not once. The summer before that, my daughters and I went with him everywhere. Then, when he got his little four-year=old bundle of perfect supply, we were out of the equation. Just out. Period.

Hey girl, hang in there! I am at the coast with my family as well for the holiday. I'm sure their trip is not all that! N's manage to ruin every thing one way or another! I remember all the coast trips me & the kids use to go with the narc. He'd start off excited, getting everything packed & ready to go. I dreaded the road trip cos I knew one of the kids would do or say something to piss him off. Sure enough! The kids loved & hated him at the same time. When he was happy, all was good but when he was mad, all hell would break loose!...I am here vacationing with a "normal man" (my sons biological father). All is soo nice & calm. I had a dd with the narc & she considers the boys' dad her dad too. The narc called for her yesterday & i wouldn't answer. It's his wkend but we're going to court to battle this out, he won't give me an address to where he's taking her so I haven't let him take her! He left me a voice message & said for me to grow up & stop trying to find ways to hurt him. I texted him back & said, "Why wud i want to try to find a way to hurt you? Dude, you don't EVEN cross my mind! Lol!! Its been two years & he thinks I'm still stuck on him! WTF?!...(Bet that was a narc injury!) Anyway, I'm sure your mind is running wild about their weekend but just think...that would be YOU having to put up with his psycho ass this long weekend. Your kids will be back soon, I'm sure they miss their Momma! Remember, we are the children's foundation... I don't know about you but prayer always helps me during hard times...

One of the main characters, Iris, has been in love for three years to a narcissist named Jasper. She mentions the horrible holidays: “I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and Valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms”.

the psycho ruined every holiday for 17 years...... i couldn't go with him to cookouts...or parties...because he'd get DRUNK....and embarrass and humiliate me.... he despised holidays...and vacations....anyting that is considered a time of rest and relaxation and FUN....he went out of his way to destroy and ruin....... and now i hate holidays......they make me sad....and depressed.....and angry......just something else he stole from me..... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog

I have started to feel alone reasently , it feels like its me my dog and cats against the world .Whats hard for me is that my friends are his friends , there are so many events happening this summer that i just wont be able to go to . I really need to pick myself up and get out more . Like today there is an event but i cant go to as i just can not run the risk of seeing him , whats really anoying that there have been events that i didnt go to but he wasnt even there .I hate him . Scoop x

Holidays do suck. For now anyway. I want you to know your not alone. Being alone sucks whether it is a holiday or not. But I keep thinking of the alternatives. Living in a pretend relationship with an abusive person or lonilyness with myself. I choose the latter. Its difficult to see them move on with the ow as if life is just hunky dory and this is what was intended. We can't make them normal. My N has repeted so many patterns in all of his relationships. This one will not be any different. I feel bed that I can't warn the ow and save her the pain. I know better days are coming for me. I am alone for a for a reason right now. This is my time to grow. Learn how to be comfortable alone. Work on me. I know it is not permanant but its necessary to have better relationships in the future. Hang in there better days are coming