Hit rock bottom

I was doing so well.

Then all the proof came in that he's SOOOOO happy, and I've finally seen it for myself.

She's young, beautiful, having his baby, got the nice new house, flash car... and he looks different. He looks happier than I have ever, ever seen him in the 15 years I knew him.

So it was me wasn't it? All this time... I was the reason he was miserable.

I know this because I have no friends left after two years of the deep depression I feel.

I gloated, when he left, that he would be the one to collapse in a worthless heap. He was the one who had no friends. But unlike me, he also had no family. He had rejected the kids he had from his two previous relationships. When they tried to rebuild a relationship with him he was cruel to them. He was abusive towards my kids and I'm very lucky they've forgiven me for bringing him into their lives. What sort of future does his new baby have??

But now I think I must have been wrong. I just couldn't make him happy. I can't make anyone happy. I feel so worthless I don't want to live.

And I deserve this feeling because I had hoped he would end up in the gutter. How the tables have turned. He would be so pleased to know.

I've tried so hard, believe me.