He's disgusting

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#1 Apr 22 - 3PM
DontLookBack
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He's disgusting

It's been a while since I've posted on here..mainly because I've been trying to climb my way out of hell after last encounter that nearly killed me..I went back to N in November at a very weak time and while he was low on supply..I got pregnant by him and he manipulated me into going ahead with the pregnancy..we had been together 2 years and off and on last year..when I became pregnant he put on a big act of how much he loved me and wanted our child..at 10 weeks I found out he was still seeing a girl he had dated while we were not together..he told me repeatedly there was no one else as we tried to figure out things between us and our unexpected child (birth control failure and morning after pull didn't work...we're both 40) surprise..anyway, the lies and manipulation were beyond what I thought humanly possible..when I found him out he was only angry about me telling ow that I was pregnant and he had been seeing me as we'll..never apologized to me for anything..said that he did what he did to save the child's life and that I was trying to trap him (even though I never pressured him to be with me) ..I decided not to go ahead with the pregnancy which was the most painful decision of my life, one that saddens me every day..guilt, shame, the pain of the betrayal...I've had no contact with him since..he doesn't know what I did and never even checked on me..I heard that he and the ow stayed together, even after she found out about his lies..I've felt that they can have each other..good riddance! But something that bothers me still is that he never seemed to have any consequences or suffer the loss..he left me for dead when the truth came out and rode off into the sunset with his pretty young girl ( who is also a raging violent borderline according to anyone that knows her)..my neighbor is long time friend if exN and told me that they had recently broken up again..I told him that I don't care to hear anything about his life and that I'd figured she'd kill him at some point.. He then told me that exN said that he heard I had a new boyfriend and that he was happy for me (I don't and I can't think if any reason why he would hear this..my guess is that he was trying to find pug info on me because he's low again..I have blocked him but ever since I heard this I've had very high anxiety about him trying to contact me or see me..I feel scared almost, even though I feel he is too cowardly to try again..especially now because I'm pretty sure that he knows this door has closed forever..I just feel very anxious and wondered if anyone has experienced this..what to do..also the neighbor told me that he was already trying to find whoever he could to screw and had even said he was 'on his way to go bend someone over' ..I feel so disgusted that I was ever with this lowlife..also I get angry that he seems to so easily move from one to the next, no shame, no time alone to feel any pain or loss, while I am alone and in tremendous pain, unable to even contemplate being with someone right now, bug feeling incredibly lonely..it is not fair..I know I've rambled about many different issues and my logical mind sees it for what it is but my emotions are all over the place..he is disgusting but still skipping along on his merry way, from one young girl to the next..do they ever feel loss or suffer consequences? He makes me sick!!'

Apr 23 - 3PM
TruthbeginsToday
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Anxiety is fear and CD, a horrible combination

Apr 23 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
DontLookBack
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Hello Truth I felt your hug

Apr 24 - 3AM (Reply to #8)
TruthbeginsToday
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DontLookBack

Apr 23 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
AllGiggles
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It helped me Truth an I

Apr 23 - 12AM
Journey
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Yup, he disgusts me too.

Journey on...

Apr 22 - 5PM
Hunter
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He makes me sick too.. But

Apr 22 - 5PM
JCat
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Please consider that your

Apr 23 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
TruthbeginsToday
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I second this JCat!