Help regarding narcissistic parent ..

11 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 17 - 4PM

Gravity

Help regarding narcissistic parent ..

My dad is a narcissist. If you saw a picture of him you would laugh at the trueness of it all. He looks like a more attractive version of Mitt Romney with jet black hair at age 52. He's cheated on my mom. He says "just once" but we all know thats a lie, he travels every week. He puts everyone down constantly. He's mean, and belittiling, and genuinely does not care about any one except himself. When I was 7 he physically abused me. When I was in 10th grade he held me up against the wall by my throat, and shattered my phone on the wall among other things. Once he hit me in the head extremely hard with a telephone. My mom never believed me. When I told her about the abuse, she physically attacked me too. I think she needed to think I was crazy and that I deserved it. My dad still blocks me in rooms, blocks doorways, gets in my face, intimidates me, and calls me crazy REGULARLY.

My mom never told me she didn't believe me, she's just hated me ever since. She's tried to make it impossible for me to be unable to complete college twice. I got into the college of my dreams and a week before I was supposed to go (I was registered for classes) she pulled the plug financially and it was too late for financial aid. I found another longer, more difficult route to take. I continued on with my education and she attempted the same thing again with this current school.

My baby sister who was 14 at the time over heard her having phone sex with another man after my dad cheated on her.

Today we were fighting and I asked her flat out if she believed me that my dad abused me. She kept avoiding the question until she looked me square in the eye and said "No. I don't. You're a liar."

It was seriously the coldest, most hurtful thing I have ever heard in my life. I felt sick to my stomach, actually started gagging, and told her no wonder she hated me, I would hate my daughter too if I believed her to be so psychotic.

It's sad. And it's no wonder that I ended up with m ex-psycho. I feel like a bad person all the time. I feel like I deserve this shit from guys. I feel horrible. I can't even tell you how many times my parents have called me a "scum bag."

I have no financial options. My parents are very well off. I want to go live in a shelter some where. I'm tired of this fight. I did so much to get away from my ex-psycho to be here dealing with this.. it's unbearable.

#2 Feb 18 - 12AM

foreverfun1

gravity, you are such an

gravity, you are such an amazing person who has helped me many times with ur sanity and wisdom. i had no idea what you had to deal with. i just want to say this world really is crazy and i'm sorry that someone as awesome as you had such assholes who raised them. ur one of my favorite people on this forum

#3 Feb 17 - 7PM

GeorgiaGirl

Gravity

I'd say its likely that your mom is N as well. Her treatment of you far exceeds simple denial. In my opinion, it will be nearly impossible to fully recover/heal while still living with the 2 people who are the root of the problem. Are you working at all? Do you have friends you could stay with while you work/finish school? Are you in therapy? Many places provide free or low cost therapy. I wish you the best. I moved an entire state away to get away from my parents.

#4 Feb 17 - 7PM (Reply to #4)

Gravity

I truly think she might be.

I truly think she might be. At this point I think she may be even worse than my dad. At this point I find myself far more angry at her than my dad. I think she is seriously disturbed and has never loved me at all which is REALLY hard to accept. I cannot believe the things she has said to me tonight and I can overhear he laughing merrily with my dad in the other room. It's disturbing. I am so tempted to turn this house upside down and throw something but I'm really fighting the urge. I am in therapy, it never seems like the sessions are long enough. I can't inconvenience friends, I called some domestic violence agencies and I'm truly considering moving to one when there is a free bed. I am absolutely sick and tired of this. I am so filled with hurt I feel like I am going to explode. How can they be so cruel? My mom walked in on me sobbing on the floor earlier in th fetal position and did nothing. It's so sick.

#5 Feb 17 - 8PM (Reply to #5)

GeorgiaGirl

I remember feeling the same way

My mother is N and my dad enables her so in my book he may as well be N, too. I couldn't get out of that house fast enough. Betrayal of a child by their own parents is the foundation for where we are now...recovering from the N/P relationshit. I'm glad you are in therapy. An outside perspective is especially important while you are still in the thick of this. And if your friends are truly your friends, you won't be an inconvenience. You will be a rent-paying, college-attending roommate getting out of a really bad situation. Try and think who might be willing to let you stay with them. I lived in a shelter for 35 days and its a special form of hell. Try and save that as a last resort. The one thing I'd really like for you to remember, Gravity, is that it isn't you. None of this is you. Your parents are fucked up and your N/P is fucked up...and you see them for what they are. The choice is yours now...what action will help you move forward, get away from the madness and go NC?? The first step is always the hardest but also the most rewarding.

#6 Feb 17 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

Gravity

Thank you for all of your

Thank you for all of your kind words, GeorgiaGirl.. they mean more than you know. Are you 100% NC with your parents? I feel like it puts me in SUCH a hard position in terms of maintaining contact with my grandparents/extended family. Also, as I said my parents are very well off and EVERYTHING is about keeping up appearances. I just don't know what they'd tell people if I suddenly disappeared. The more I think about it my parents are definitely N's. Any sense of independence angers them and they try to sabotage it. Also, I am a social work major and they tried to take my education away from me so I couldn't be right about them with validation from my major. They hate it when I'm successful. The night before the internship of my dreams my mom was SO mean to me for no reason. Every time I speak up, they call me crazy or delusional. Just tonight my dad told me I needed to "speak to my psychiatrist because I was really losing it."

#7 Feb 17 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

GeorgiaGirl

I am 100% NC with my mother for the last 7 years

and speak to my father 1-2 times a year. My mother disowned me 7 years ago after accusing me of stealing her jewelry. When I denied it, she went on a smear campaign to my very large, extended family and basically shut off my entire support system. This after physically, verbally and emotionally abusing me my entire childhood/early adulthood. She is the reason I am recovering from several narc's and one psychopath. Your parents both sound like narcs to me, Gravity. My parents are very wealthy as well and they love nothing more than to Control, Control, Control. They were PISSED when I left the state. Yours are attempting to control you and isolate you from any outside influence...the more you get away from them the more you start to come out of the fog and see the truth. These are NOT healthy people. I personally wouldn't give a shit what your parents told people about your "disappearance". Let that be their problem. If they had your best interests at heart, they wouldn't try to sabotage your education goals and career path. Parents who truly love and want whats best for their kids don't treat them like shit or laugh at their pain.

#8 Feb 17 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

Gravity

You are a very very strong

You are a very very strong person, Georgiagirl. And you're right.. everything is about control and they do that through money. Neither one of them are healthy at all. Unfortunately I am the absolute SPITTING IMAGE of my dad..and I believe he has singled me out to abuse me because of this reason. He is always saying I remind him so much of his mother (who just so happened to have been abusive to him) My mother had a very stern father and a completely codependent alcoholic mother. I can see the bigger picture and I can see why they are this way.. but it doesnt make them any less narcissistic or cruel. In a larger sense, I experienced the same abuse, if not worse, and I am not a narcissist so they are clearly just very weak people and that is sad. I attempted to have them come to therapy once a couple of years ago and my therapist was SHOCKED. Afterwards she told me she couldn't believe how they behaved. They were both SO mean to her and they both have huge personalities. And you're right about the disappearance bit. Theyre going to have to cover their own asses and explain to people while i'm gone. Their friends already SUCK anyway. They are some of the snobbiest most horrible people I've ever met and I hate being around them. Also, my dad constantly makes fun of my "anxiety issues." I always avoid interacting with their friends because they suck and I know they are judging, so when they come over I do not come downstairs. My dad made a big deal out of this and I overheard him laughing saying I was "too panicked." I said to him "Dad, seriously, if I really was too panicked and had an anxiety issue.. that's something serious. It's not something to make fun of at all. And No, I was not panicked, I just don't like your friends." It's so true, parents that deeply love their children ALWAYS want the best for them and they trust them and support them. It's a tough pill to swallow when you realize your parents never loved you. My mom ran an in home daycare out of our house growing up, so when my siblings and I stopped depending on her she had babies at the house all the time. I can remember her teasing the babies too at times, playing tricks on them and such to confuse them. She always needed the supply from children, she always needed to feel needed.

#9 Feb 17 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

GeorgiaGirl

Thats incredibly disturbing

Your mother ran an in-home daycare? God, that is seriously fucked up. Everything you have told me just makes me shake my head...you are very strong to have survived this and started to come out of the fog. I have 4 children...16, 12, 11 and 2. I support them no matter what...whether I have the money/time/energy/resources or not. They are my children, they are my world and I love them unconditionally. Narcs don't feel anything except rage and contempt...and occasionally a deap-seated sense of shame. Does that sound like model-parent material? No, I don't think so either...I wouldn't let someone like that raise my pet rat, let alone my son or daughter. You've got to get out, Gravity. You have such a long, fulfilling, happy life ahead of you...but you've got to make a clean break. Finish your schooling, get a job, put some money put away. Is there extended family or grandparents who are non-N that would take you in?

#10 Feb 17 - 5PM

ordinarycourage

Dear Gravity

My heart goes out to you. You have had to deal with so much at a young age. Your mom is in denial about your dad. I am sorry she isn't there for you. If you are eighteen, you can emancipate yourself. Seek out help at your local crisis clinic. There are special programs for teens. A major myth is that well-off families are not abusive and it simply isn't true. You will feel so much better when you have control of your own destiny. We are here for you so keep posting. Hugs.

#11 Feb 17 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

Gravity

ordinarymiracle

Thank you so much. I wrote on here for SUCH a long time about my severely abusive expsycho and I should have been writing more about my dad truthfully. I'm 22, I've been living here because it's the only way to survive financially. None of my friends are in the position to help me. I called a couple of shelters today, hopefully I can get on my feet and do this on my own. I no longer need them in my life. Thanks again for your support. Lots and lots of love xoxox

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews