Help me to understand why

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#1 Jan 5 - 8AM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Help me to understand why

....this N keeps writing to me? After I sent the goodbye letter...after I ignored the first two emails. I broke NC yesterday, he wrote ANOTHER email after we IM'd...explaining himself. Telling me how distrought he is over the need to end another relationship. How doesn't know why he can't love 'these women.' He was responding to me, when I said in IM "Why do you keep hurting women?" Clearly, I struck a chord, as not 15 minutes after our IM, he sent me a long letter explaining himself.

I did NOT reply to it. But here I sit. Why is he contacting me if he has another woman in his life? (even though he is planning to dump her he said) *eye roll*

WHY?? AND....when I continue NC, do you think he will continue to reach out?

Briseis told me to block his email. I am going to. I just am confused this morning, is all.

Jan 6 - 7AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Deidre

He NEEDS you for supply, as everyone else has said. Mine kept in touch for a long time and now that he moved away, has cancer and ED, he does not need me for anything, hence no phone calls for the last 2 years, he just wants to die by himself i guess.
Jan 6 - 6AM
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

Diedre, please keep in mind....

My Dear, Their constant need for SUPPLY, if he can keep you as a source, he will do what's necessary to maintain that source of supply in his empty life.Once NC is broken they feel they have you back in their clutches, to them, it means YES! I can still "play" with her, don't allow him to toy with you as he toy around with the decision to end other relationships, he's stringing you both along, no doubt, viable sources of supply. It will take a good while to understand it all, as you learn more and observe his behavior, eventually you will "get it" and be so darn happy to move on without him and his disorder, best wishes.

stay~strong

Jan 6 - 12AM
Ava
Ava's picture

Deidre - he's trying to keep you where you are

That's my opinion anyhow :) My ex kept in contact for a while, being as nice as pie & wanting to be "best friends" blah. Apologised, told me how upset he was etc., etc. All the while moving in with OW. My opinion - he's trying to hang on to you just a little longer. Narcs generally CANNOT be alone, are not self-sufficient in any meaning of the word. And they need to make sure they have as much supply & potential supply as possible. He can't let go of you completely until he's absolutely sure that this other woman in his life will provide him with what he needs, or he lines up another one after her. You're the safety net. I know that sounds horrible - I'm sorry. And, the fact that you wrote him a goodbye letter - you're taking control & he doesn't like that either. I'd say in his head, if anyone is going to end this for good, it has to be him. Can't have you going off & taking control of your life - he's the one that should be in control. I think if you continue to go NC he will keep reaching out - for a while. He may even amp it up for a short time, trying as hard as he can to get you to respond. But if you stay NC he will eventually drift away. Narcs don't like expending any energy or effort if they are not getting any return. Do block him. Don't get sucked in by it. He may be nice & apologetic & seemingly remorseful for a while, but eventually he'll turn to being cruel, cold & dismissive - once he's secure of his new supply. You are worth so much more than that. And you deserve so much more than that Ava xxo

Ava

Jan 5 - 11PM
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

This post made me weep....

I wept because of the pain you're experiencing and i wept because of the "long letter" my N 'read to me. that he wrote, and NEVER really gave to me'... "been there done this shit".... I wept because these assholes only care about themselves... And I wept because we let em.... (((((((((((((((((Deidre99)))))))))))))))))) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Jan 6 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

well said ladies...

Excellent responses, thank you. stay~striving

stay~strong