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#1 Nov 12 - 8AM

nh22

I am new to this and need some serious advice because I feel like I am completely losing my mind.
I have been in a realtionship with a man for about 10 months and within the 10 months this man has moved into my house (and doesn't pay a dime) proposed to me and wants me to be a step mom to his 2 children. With all that being said he has complete control over everything I do. I feel like I walk on egg shells daily. I don't know what person he will be from day to day. One day things are so very good and the next day he is making accuasations about me cheating on him with any and EVERY person I come in contact with. He has isolated me from all my friends and family. ANYTIME we go out of the house he says that I stare at other men to get attention. He has accused me of false relationships with co-workers. He questions everything I do as if I have hidden agendas to cheat on him.
I have NEVER cheated on him. I tell him everywhere I go and have even taken pictures of places that I am at to prove to him I am telling the truth. On the good days he is nice to me and will talk to me and carry on conversations and really act like he cares about me. That is what keeps me in the relationship. On the bad days, when I try to communicate with him he accuses me of everything under the sun or will ignore me or walk away from me or not answer phone calls. He has made me apologize to people because he said that I wronged them and I am constantly apologizing to him for things that I don't even understand what i've done wrong. He truly makes me feel like I am worthless and that I am going crazy but because I am always trying to prove to him how much I love him and how true I am to him.
When he starts fights I beg and plead with him not to leave me. Its almost like he has me believing the things he makes up in his head. I don't understand it. I honestly give this man everything I have. I did get upset one time and kicked him out (after he didn't come home one night) and he made me feel so bad and said he couldn't believe I did that to him and how can I let his kids see him like this etc (because he had no place to live-but a hotel) I let him move back in with me 3 weeks later. He bad mouthed me to everyone in his life and they all think that I am a horrible person and that he is a great man.
I don't know what is wrong with me why I continue to let myself go through this abuse. It is absolutely killing me inside. I feel like I have to live a double life because I am so ashamed of my "home life" that at my work place I put on a huge "front" because I don't want anyone to know how weak of an individual I have become.
Please any words of wisdom. Is this typical narcissitic behavior this man is displaying and am I a weak person? Thank you!

#2 Nov 12 - 5PM

mystwoman

Nh22, your r/s sounds so

Nh22, your r/s sounds so much like a clone of mine. I've been through every single thing you said above. Trust me, none of this is your fault, and you are NOT weak (on the contrary these jerks seem to pick women that are strong - my guess is that it's more supply for them beat out of us). You are going through this because HE is a narc. He was this way well before you ever met him, and he will be this way long after. All of these ladies are so right, get your support system back. Reconnect with your friends and family. Tell them what your life is REALLY like with this guy. Read everything you can find about NPD, and educate yourself. Most of all, leave him. Get away. The longer you stay, the more pain he will inflict onto you. As I know from personal experience (I stuck it out with my xnh for 16 years), you'll only get more mistreatment and abuse from a narc...and (as in my case) it will eventually escalate into physical abuse as well as emotional. After you suffer for years, the N will devalue and discard you. He will move onto the next victim, and you will be cast aside without a backward glance. That's what narcs do. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself and go easy on yourself. Be good to you. You are worth it. Once again, it's NOT your fault. You are not weak. He is a narc. You never deserve to be treated this way by someone that you love. Hugs.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#3 Nov 12 - 7PM

onwithmylife

nh22

you definitely sound like you are living with an emotional abuser and probably a NARC, i am not a doctor so cannot make a diagnosis, but since it is your place, I am assuming, politely ask him to leave and give him some time and make sure he is gone. I had to do that with my EXNARc, luckily I owned my house and after nearly a year when I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown, asked him to leave my house, but gave him too long a time,he did leave though and thank God I did that.{ i still when back to him later on but that is a whole other story and wasted more years of my life}.Walking on eggshell, like I did for so many years, will destroy you and by isolating you from friends and family that too is another sign of abuse. theses men HAVE a split personality and each day I did not know what mood he would be in when he woke up, I was constantly feeling ANXIOUS. Seek help from family and friends and even the police to get this man out of your place and life!!!Get into therapy too if need be with someone who understands personality disorders, that is crucial.YOU are not WEAK, but you will become so the more you stay with him plus LOSE WHO you are!!!!

#4 Nov 12 - 11AM

almostlydia

by all means reconnect with

by all means reconnect with a genuine friend or family member and get their support. You have to get out. I recently read somewhere that 'walking on eggshells' is a major sign of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is often the set up for physical abuse. Sadly, most physically abused people say they prefer it to emotional abuse because the bruises heal but the emotional stuff stays forever. Please find someone for support and make your plans for escape immediately. almostlydia

almostlydia

#5 Nov 12 - 9AM

desprathousewife

Oh cripes Nh22 You sure are

Oh cripes Nh22 You sure are in the right place here. He's shown all his true colours so quickly too. You are in no way weak, you know his behavior isn't right and have landed up here because of that. Now you just have to find the strength to first Believe.....and then LEAVE, before he weakens you any more. You need to kick his control to the kerb and start getting your life back. First thing I'd do is try and reastablish your support system. You need people to help you with this. His isolating you is paramount here to keeping you in his control. I now realise that my first love was a narc, I was very young and he isolated me completely from all my family and friends. Luckily for me when things had reached crisis point a best friend who had moved away for a few years came back into my life. She was a pillar of strength for me and no matter how awful he was to her (she was a huge threat to him), she stuck by me and gave me the courage to up and run. I never looked back :) If you have someone you trust, tell them how bad things have gotten for you. Don't feel ashamed or embarrased, that is what he is counting on. Be brave before he gets you even more brainwashed, this guy is gonna get worse. Lots of luck x

#6 Nov 12 - 8AM

NancyM

nh22

Oh this is sooooo typical. Firstly. they accuse you of doing everything that they are doing. This is the BIGGEST red flag, because he KNOWS you are not doing this, but he probably is. The best way a Narc throws anybody off the scent is to accuse THEM of doing IT, so therefore they are so busy analyzing their own behavior that they do not have time to analysis the Narcs. Works a treat....just ask me.

Nevergoback

#7 Nov 12 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

michele115 (not verified)

NH22

Nancy took the words right out of my mouth. Narcissists PROJECT which means all that they are, all that they do, they accuse you of. Get out...period... He's incurable and nothing you can do about it. Now that you know, make your move. The board is a wonderful support resource. No pity, no feeling sorry.... Get ready for the ride of your life but the longer you put it off, the decline is all that much steeper. No excuses, no feeling sorry... Get out NOW.

#8 Nov 12 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

blueeyes

on the bad days?

Does he come home?

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