help....

I'm sorry you're struggling happy. Narcs like to control people, and relationships. Because they are out of control in their own minds, and because they felt powerless to do anything about the bad things that happened to them as kids. (I believe most narcs, have had bad childhoods, and/or mom issues if male) So...this business of 'dictating' to you when he will see you...is just that. Control. He wants it, and in times past, you gave it to him. You are feeling badly today, because you said no, something you are not used to doing. Saying no, feels bad. You love this man, and want to say yes...but yes, means more pain. No, means less pain. But, no makes you feel like a bad guy. You are afraid of change right now. Change is what is happening. As you go into NC...and stick with it...your mind will clear. Your 'no' will be resolved. You will grow stronger and stronger, and a funny thing happens when you go NC. At least this happened for me. You realize that you have a lot of positive people in your life. That you're not some pathetic loser, that the narc wants you to believe you are. You are a worthwhile human being...and have lots of people around you who will tell you so. I realized this, these past 12 days of NC. THE NOISE IS GONE. I don't hear all that negative nonsense anymore. And I have the power to let him in or out of my life. As you do. You have memories of a man, whom you had a good time with, but that man also has a dark side. The dark side and the good side, reside in the same body. And as time goes on, you probably see the dark side more often than the other. Go NC. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. Cry. Grieve this loss, because it is a loss of sorts. Feel anger if you have to. But don't break NC. He is a jerk looking to jerk you around...nothing more. It makes him feel like a man to jerk women around--sadly. To me, this is not a man. Real men do not beat up women....emotionally or physically. These men are cowards. I do have a heart. I do feel for them on some level, but we can't heal them. They need to find God, and a good therapist. Barring that, they are just walking nightmares. End your nightmare...and go NC. You will hurt for a little while, but I promise, you will grow stronger day by day. Get busy with a new hobby. Join something. Go for a run when you feel like crying. Do whatever it takes to build yourself back up and create a life without him. Change is hard. This man was a part of your life. You need to find ways to enjoy your life, without him. But...this man is a jerk. From the video to dictating to you when he will see you...please. Let him find another victim. You are done! I have been NC for 12 days, and I heard from my narc yesterday...and nope. Did not reply. And it feels great. Not because I want to prove a point to him, but because I am showing myself...that I have worth, and won't tolerate someone being mean to be ever again. Hugs for you!!! YOU CAN DO THIS.

You are always around for me. You always have great insight. He is head F$&!ing you. This is why NC is soo important. You are not alone, plus it better to be alone than being abused. I will always love my narc too. ( too bad he doesnt care ) there is nothing wrong with that. This guy is a real tool, keep fighting you and your child are worth it. Idealk

My heartfelt hugs to you today. I'm so sorry you're hurting. I don't know if this will help you, but I'll tell you my story about therapy. I went to marriage counseling at two different times with xnh. It did absolutely nothing productive either time. Because xnh is a narc, he took the counseling sessions as an excuse to manipulate the therapist about what a poor little victim he was, and how I'm this mean horrible person that has horns growing out of my head. He merely played both therapists like violins to his own advantage. After all, that IS what narcs do. They manipulate others, and this DOES include therapists if they can. Xnh also took everything that was said in our therapy sessions, and abused me with it later when he was out of ear-shot of the therapist. Riding in the car to/from the sessions and living at home with xnh actually became more torturous for me than it already was. When I told the therapist what xnh was doing with information from our sessions, xnh acted all remorseful in front of the counselor...and then increased his abuse to me afterward because I'd said something to the therapist. Eventually, I just quit the therapy (which I'm sure is exactly what xnh wanted in the first place). He was NOT truly wanting to work on our marriage. Xnh's going was merely an act to string me along for more NS. I strongly suspect that xnh was looking for the therapist to tell me that everything is MY fault, and that HE was completely a "little victim". Xnh has always thought he was completely blameless in everything throughout his life. According to xnh the night he D&D'd me, there was "nothing wrong with him." Xnh was merely gathering ammo in the sessions to use against me. The therapy was just more supply to xnh. Several years after our last marriage counseling sessions, *I* went to a therapist on my own (and without xnh's knowledge) because between xnh and his hideous P daughter, I was rapidly heading for a hospital because of the stress, or I was quickly heading toward a loony bin after the mental melt-down I was about to have. The two of them were (literally) destroying me both inside and out. I simply was at the end my limits (both mentally and physically). Therapy for MYSELF was very beneficial and helped me a lot. Until I went on my own, I felt that I was sincerely drowning and being pulled under by xnh and his P daughter. I went to therapy to fight for ME...not them. Just FYI, this particular therapist told me that she thought xnh is narcissistic, and his daughter was a P. Both are incurable, and staying with them would only result in my own destruction. She told me that the only two choices dealing with disordered people were to disengage completely or divorce, if you're married. I disengaged completely from the P daughter for over a year. At that point, I still wanted to try saving my marriage. Xnh took it as a challenge to abuse me, and to try forcing me to let her come back to destroy my life (further). After, a year more of his abuse, he cheated on me and then D&D'd. I filed for divorce the next day, and I'm now much better off without him. Like your xn, xnh tried to get me to go to "family therapy" with himself and his horrible P daughter right after the D&D. I am thoroughly convinced that nothing productive would have transpired if I had chosen that route (any more than our marriage counseling did). Therapy would have merely provided xnh with yet another opportunity to manipulate the therapist, and abuse me some more. The only difference this time would have been that he would also had his horrible P daughter as an ally, and they would have been a united front in hurting me (more). Like you, I told him "NO", and then I went NC. Narcs are well known for not benefiting from therapy. They think there is nothing wrong with them. In addition, they are also well known for NOT accepting responsibility for their own and actions, and they ALWAYS blame someone else. Everything is ALWAYS someone else's fault. They are NOT introspective, and they have spent their lives NOT looking inward at their true selves. None of this makes them good candidates for therapy. Therefore, therapy is wasted effort. Hang in there. Warmest hugs to you today. xoxoxo.

Oh Happy, Stay strong. You are addicted to this man. You are having withdrawls. Just remember, everything this website says about Narcs. You were in love with an image, a deception. The truth is, the mind keeps all the fun, happy memories at the front of the brain, and the painful memories at the back. When you are alone and sad, your mind is only thinking of the good stuff and you start to talk yourself into thinking, "he wasn't that bad" or "I really miss this or that about him or how he used to smell or say this or that"...whatever. Just remember why you ended it. Write out a list of all the horrible things he did to you and how it made you feel...when you really start missing him, go over it. Keep your logical mind in charge of your emotions. And...Narcs are very good at deceiving EVERYONE! They truly could win an Oscar for their performances! I remember when a police officer, who arrested my N ex husband for check fraud, and stealing a car from a dealership, told me that he thought my husband was VERY sorry for what he did and remorseful. Then once his PO said that he really thought my husband was trying. WOW! He could fool the best of em. The thing is, if it benefits them in any way or if the N can see that it will bring them sympathy or more supply, it is worth all the trouble of keeping up the act. But it can't last forever! They are selfish by nature. Finally, when my husband was in a work release program throught the county, someone finally saw right through him. It was his counselor and case worker. The guy kicked my husband out saying that he used "manipulation" to get what he wanted. He used criminal thinking errors, which, mind you, are identical to the things that Narcs use. Most criminals are Narcs anyway...sometimes they just don't get caught! Anyway, stay strong. Everything you are feeling, we have all felt before also. Today, I am having a great day, but tomorrow it may be like your day is today.