Help...

but, this is an opportunity for you too! Yes i am an eternal optimist- how do you think I survived 13 years with my ExN's negativity and abuse? lol Your opportunity is realizing today how strong you are. He no longer controls you. You have all the control. With that control you have chosen his voice to have ZERO affect on you...becasue you are on to him, and you know he is a ZERO!!!This is your opportunity to not look at him, talk to him, engage with him even though he is right in front of you. DO NOT do these things or he will only get an ego stroke out of it. You are a survivor of his abuse and antics. Wear it proudly! You are stronger than you know, you got this one!!!

for you. You know what you know about this guy. Yuck. You are having a normal reaction to a trauma that was inflicted upon you by him. Your body and mind is having reflexive memories just by hearing his voice, being near him. This is NORMAL. Three months NC is great, great work on your part! It cannot be undone by this. This is just a physical symptom of the disease that you are slowly ridding yourself of. It's okay and you will get through it. Take deep breaths. Conscious, deep breaths will lessen the anxiety. Focus on your breath and not on him. With more time you will not have these reactions. I actually get physical reactions if even a mutual "friend" calls me, which is rare. My heart pounds, my hands shake, I get literally traumatized with anguish and I've been TOTAL NC for 6 months! It takes a while for the trauma to be released. You'll be okay. You'll be just fine! You know you do not want him back so keep that in your head and let that guide your actions. Smooth as silk and unconcerned. Breath deep. It is his loss. His loss. His loss. You're the winner, the hot one, the brave one, the smart one! I hope this helps and I'm sending you the good vibes for strength and courage. Most sincerely, (not) spinning (not even a little today!!)