Help!!!

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 25 - 3PM

abusednomore

Help!!!

I was doing really well with NC, but then just now i had an overwhelming urge to look on facebook, so i activated an account of my brothers and looked at exN and OW pic!!!! nothing has changed since b4 and now i feel really deflated that i gave in and did that!!!!!!

How can i stop the urge to do this? any help please?x

#2 Dec 26 - 8AM

walking_on_sunshine

For me, I think about " what

For me, I think about " what is my objective" My objective is to loose feelings for him and become indifferent. Its to get out of this hole Ive been thrown in and heal myself. Looking at his FB is going to hurt me, and hurt will result in falling deeper into the hole I'm trying to get out of. It really is so much better not to know. Knowing is to continue to be hurt. Nothing good can come out of peeping.

#3 Dec 26 - 3AM

abusednomore

Run4it, i will pinky promise

Run4it, i will pinky promise not to do it again! although its comin up to new year and already i have the urge to look! lol! but i need to heed advice and think what will come of it if i look, i am spending new year with my best friend and the kids, he will most likely be with her, getting drunk out of his face and then bein abusive and collapse on the bed, because thats what he always did when he drank so why would that suddenly change! lol! Thankyou so much for the advice, i wonder if its because im expecting another solicitor letter in the next couple of weeks with the next round of lies and abuse against me thats making me feel like i need to look! he has got his mum n dad to drive past our house that im living in, his friend to come onto me on facebook (b4 i blocked) and then sent me a barrage of messages on a different number pretending to be someone who i met when i went out with friends in July, just after he left (i put a pic on my profile of me out which prob enraged him to think i wasnt at home crying my eyes out over him)! Changed my number last week and feel so much better. How did people handle the whole solicitor letter thing? everytime i get one i get really upset and angry. I am currently in a house we bought together but i put a large amount of money to the deposit, even tho he insisted everything in his name! (lightbulb shud hav gone at that time) when he left i changed the locks cos he thought he could come to the house whenever he wanted, even tho he totally disowned my 6year old daughter who called him dad. This made him go mental and he went to solicitors, and now wont agree with anything. I just want the money i put in for the deposit and he can keep the house, i will walk away, but he just wont accept and keeps coming up with these weird demands ( he wants the house exactly as he left it and he wants to inspect it first b4 any money is transferred over)! part of me wants to walk away but the money was my fathers. He keeps sayin he will take it to court, should i just let it go to that instead of trying to mediate with him?!!!

#4 Dec 25 - 8PM

Sea

Fresh wound is always

Fresh wound is always painful. When you see those pictures and you get really hurt and angry wondering how on earth this scumbag can move on quickly and be in such blissful happiness?! You felt life is unfair and you felt cheated as well. My exN has 35 ow even while with me. Post breakup he moved on to replace me quickly and again kept his stable of ow. Its all the same cycle of rinse and reuse. You will get pass this hurt and move on. As the saying goes once u have too much of it you become numb and indifference.

#5 Dec 25 - 6PM

Anny

It gets better

That urge will only leave after sometime . Its when u really begin to understand the magnamity of what has been done to you by this person . I was always checking ...but after a while I just stopped ... When I realised that the more i give into checking the more im giving him power over me still even after hes physically not in my life ... Im still healing ..but the best advice is NO CONTACT ...when i didnt listen to that advice ...all I got was more pain ... Lotsa love Anny

#6 Dec 25 - 6PM

ruby01 (not verified)

abusednomore

For you to really stop, you have to experience all the pain that you are willing to endure from this experience. We all came here for he same reason. We all have experienced a pain great enough to say "I don't want anymore." When you reach an intolerable level of hurt from any connection to this man, you will stop.

#7 Dec 25 - 5PM

Run4it

Guilty !

I have attempted the same FB thing today with no luck, thank goodness! 3 weeks ago my ex N and his OW were away together at a sporting event and like a fool, I looked to see if there were pictures on the event site. First one that popped up was of the 2 of them. He looked pale and weird, she had a freaky smile on her face. Ughh...messed me up for days. I imagined them sleeping together, eating together, running together blah blah blah. I should have been imagining him lying, cheating and deceiving instead. Don't look anymore. We have to pinky promise because it only hurts us!

#8 Dec 25 - 4PM

abusednomore

Thankyou, i have just

Thankyou, i have just deactivated the account again, took a deep breath and started again. :-)

#9 Dec 25 - 4PM

Sparrow

Please realize that you are

Please realize that you are going through exactly what anyone with a co-dependancey goes through. You looked, you gave in to temptation, this happens, you will just need to try harder to avoid temptation in the future. It is a constant struggle, but one day, you will succeed. Don't be too hard on yourself, you slipped.....get back on the wagon and forge forward. You can do it!

#10 Dec 25 - 3PM

13Moons13

I did the same thing in the

I did the same thing in the beginning, but looking made everything worse..and I decided I have to save myself. Absolutely NO CONTACT anywhere was the only way to start my recovery. Blocked him, his brother, everyone from my cell and Facebook account. I even had to unfriendly his kids..it was too tempting. Save yourself..block so you can't look too, not just so he can't get to you. Hard to believe in the stage you're in right now, but it really does work

#11 Dec 25 - 3PM

Redhead

Re: help

Take a deep breath....you're ok. I guarantee you that things with the OW are no different than with you or the ones prior to you. I'm so sorry you saw that...I do understand how that hurts. I also understand being curious and looking. I do believe alot of the hurtful things we see are for our benefit.

#12 Dec 25 - 3PM (Reply to #2)

abusednomore

i keep trying to think that

i keep trying to think that but sometimes it gets the better of me, and i looked at it and it was a pic of them two at a wedding and I was thought god he never got up and danced when he was with me, but he looked so awkward and tense and she jus looked like putty in his hands, lovingly gazing at him, and everything he said he hated in a woman (lookswise)!!!! but why am i analysing it at all?!!!! i dont want him back, but im just stuck with him for a while as he is bein stubborn about the sale and splits of equity in the house! until then i will never be totally free. :-(

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