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Healingnow
Healingnow's picture
Hello

Hello,

I don't know what to say really. My mind is totally confused. The news that he never loved me is too much to bear. Why didn't I see that. How come I never saw any of this coming. I have been reading a lot. The pain of this discovery is so raw. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed at putting myself at risk in this way. Mostly I feel used and all the while he told me I was beautiful. I think my exN only wanted somewhere to live while he worked out what to do next. There is a lot that just doesn't make any sense but I just feel that what I thought was the truth really isn't yet I don't quite know which bits. I don't know where I have been but it wasn't planet earth. How much have my kids been effected by him? I feel so let down. All the things he said and I thought he would be there for me. Really he was only there as long as it was benefitting him then.

M
M's picture
hang tough... Just know that
hang tough... Just know that you have the ability to learn & grow from this experience. And that you know how to be positive & enjoy life. Looking back I realize my exN asked me to marry him so he could have a nice house...He left his 1st wife with huge debts & he declared bankrupcy. The accounts were cleard 3 months before he met me. Now he's $110K in debt--luckily I kept my finances separate. And look at his family & how they interact. With my new insight I can see His family encourages his NPD. His mom is a big source of his supply. His sister is NPD & these siblings compete.
rache
rache's picture
NONE-of us seen it coming
OR,we'd have ran like H.ll! DO NOT BLAME yourself! seek therapy for yourself and your kids-getting him out of your life was the best thing that you could do for the children! ((HUGS))
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture
Healingnow
I know exactly how u feel. If i would have known what i know now, i would have never exposed him to my children much less have a child with him! It hurts, really hurts to know they never really loved us, they just used us. Like you said, to have a place to keep their stuff at. I was his home base. He worked out of town, moved from job to job, doing God only knows while the kids & I waited at home for him. Come to find out, he had set up house with another lady & her kids! What a freakin waste of 7 years! She & I finally found each other out & he went ballastic! (But not for long) He found a new gf within a month!... What hurts the most is how much he's hurt my kids. I wish I could take that away from them & take it on myself....
rache
rache's picture
TexN
((HUGS TO YOU TOO!)) All we can do for our kids is from this day forth keeping them safe/sound, and, we have grown stronger by this-hopefully,we can teach our kids to avoid being victims of these ~VAMPIRES~
sparky2009
sparky2009's picture
It is completely earth
It is completely earth shattering when you realize what you have been living. You know there were times I said to myself he is just using you he is just using you .. but then he would just say how beautiful I was and how he'd love me forever. (even after he had left me numerous times and at horrible times) I still sometimes doubt my own perception and I know that is my problem. I doubted myself with him and that's how he could manipulate me so easily. Finding out he hasn't ever loved you is horrible but the only bright side I got was it wasn't me. He will not love anyone not even his own children! Beautiful, wonderful children are what this life is all about. If you can't love your own children you can't love anyone and that's another big red flag a lot of women overlook. A guy with several kids with several women is a tool no matter how good his story is .
rache
rache's picture
a guy with several
EX wives has a serious problem,and,i wish i had NOT been so STUPID! 4-5 exes and he didn't do no wrong?Yeah,i was a fk tard.....i hate myself at times-today even moreso.
wallaby (not verified)
Anonymous's picture
Rache
I've just been online and seen all your recent posts and know you are having a really rough day. I am so sorry for what you've ben and are going through. My heart breaks for you seeing what this creep/devil/con artist psychopath has made you suffer. Remember he is not human - so when you have longing feelings for him remember he sees you as nothing but an object - like the screwdriver kathy k. described in a post - that he has no concern if it gets bent and damaged - he can always get another one -you are only a means to an end for him - nothing more. You are such a help and so wonderfully funny and spot on with the things you say here - know you have helped me an made me laugh. I wish I could do something to help your rough day. I am glad you have a therapist to help and this site must be a godsend too. (((hugs))) to you on this day and you will feel better and find your center again - you are a feisty, terrific sparkling gem of a person.
rache
rache's picture
wallaby
Thank you so much for your kind words....((HUGS back!))