I don't know what to say really. My mind is totally confused. The news that he never loved me is too much to bear. Why didn't I see that. How come I never saw any of this coming. I have been reading a lot. The pain of this discovery is so raw. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed at putting myself at risk in this way. Mostly I feel used and all the while he told me I was beautiful. I think my exN only wanted somewhere to live while he worked out what to do next. There is a lot that just doesn't make any sense but I just feel that what I thought was the truth really isn't yet I don't quite know which bits. I don't know where I have been but it wasn't planet earth. How much have my kids been effected by him? I feel so let down. All the things he said and I thought he would be there for me. Really he was only there as long as it was benefitting him then.