Is he really a Narc

Is there a way to determine if they are a narc or just self centered. I read through the posts here and most of what everyone says sounds like they could be talking about my ex. But its hard to tell if he really is a Narc, or am I just hurt and looking for answers?

I had no idea what narcissism was until I started to google the silent treatment that he unleashes on me on a regular basis. That is how I discovered all of this information, and found this site.

So this is probably the 6th or more silent treatment I have experienced from my ex in the last year. We have a long distance relationship so most of our communication is via text and chat. My ex found me on fb over a year ago after we were forced to break up 16yrs ago by his parents. I never had a chance to say goodbye. I still long for that closure.

I am happily married and cant figure out why I am obsessing over my ex that treats me like crap. Tells me I am crazy and need to get help and meds.

He has nothing to offer me, he is sick, doesn't work, is married, and treats me like shit. I am married with children have a successful job and stable foundation. He is constantly telling me the state I live in is terrible. That I should get divorced etc.

Does this sound like a Narc?

borderline's picture

even if he isn't a narc, he's still treating you terrible and you don't deserve that. you are hurting and its because of him...narc or not. its time to take care of yourself and move on. good luck.
strivingforhealing's picture

I have been watching lots of You tube documentaries on Narcissism . I believe there are 9 or 10 characteristics of a Clinical Narcissist. One is considered a true Narc- if they have 5 or more. but if someone has 3- well- that is still a real problem. that person is still someone that will cause wreckage in other's lives. So maybe you guy has 3 or 4 or 5- I bet you he does....and if he does- this means stay far away...He is on spectrum of NPD and this means one thing- He will hurt you deeply in some way. His extreme self centeredness will make him devalue, demean ( ignore, silent treatment) and discard you. So I am quite sure your guy is somewhere on the spectrum....and because of this- he is poison. stay away sweetie.
Done sourcing's picture

t sounds like you shouldnt be talking to him anymore. He sounds like a dark spirit who wants to bring you down. Stop letting him, by going nc. They will never change, it sounds like with nc you will be able to move on and enjoy. Their lies and chaos has some hold on most of us for a time, so look at that aspect and see what comes up. ds
dazedandcnonfused's picture

By the way this is day 3 of NC for me. I have never been able to go 2 days before. I so desperately want to write him an email telling him goodbye. But I understand that will only put me back. And besides he told me to never contact him again. So I will be a good listener and do as I am told.
blindfaith's picture

I dont think we can ever be 100% sure that someone is a narc, but if the person has no empathy for others,thats very not-normal. If its good for YOU to send him a goodbye letter/email, maybe you should. Who cares what he wants. I left my relationship up in the air for a long time before i put closure on it.It had actually ended a long time ago,i was just having trouble seeing it that way. It might help you with closure. Maybe you could even change your email address and ph# after saying goodbye. Then you can go through the final step of grieving and be done? The last conversation i had with my ex, he had told me he's too busy working on himself to work on our relationship. I knew that even if he tried,he was too selfish and screwed up to fix it,but by him saying in so many words that he prefers to gaze at himself over saving the relationship, that really helped me move on.I mean,once he expressed he didnt care about losing me, what is there left to say?
lillymarch's picture

Anything you give him feeds the disfunction and his ego. Any sign of hate, anger, saddness, happiness, hello, goodbye, ANYTHING...they use it to feed themselves. Narc or not, read your post as if that was you're daughter posting it. If you were my daughter or best friend I'd say: STOP. Literally and figuratively TURN AWAY FROM HIM. Focus on you and you're life. Find something that's healthy for you. Don't give him ANYTHING! Give EVERYTHING to you and the people that love you. Whatever he is, he needs to be forgotten. Delete! Hugs to you.