It took me about 3 months to notice that my ex had very, very few friends. He had done an undergrad degree and a Masters (which I later found out was written by his brilliant ex-girlfriend who is now my greatest ally and friend !), he'd worked in over 37 jobs and seemed so very charming - so why did he have so few friends ?
T- was his oldest friend. Married, 2 kids and a doting husband and father ...but the most distant to my ex's life.
C- a crazy NPD like my Ex. Non-conformist, argumentative, and always going on about how his mother had ruined his life (whilst she was alive and with her untimely death from cancer). My ex was always mouthing off about C and thought him a time waster and louse.
S- apparently successful in business but a hopeless womaniser who had left his former wife and kids, believed in polygamy and used everyone around him under the premise of being a bloody hippy of free love etc etc .
I can still recall the day my ex proposed to me - it was all champagne and tears all round when he announced this to his family the same day. His friend T (the married one and the only one I thought was any where near normal) rang to tell me that he was so pleased that I had finally made my ex an honest man !
Within 2 days, my mother in law to be was in full blown marriage organising mode ! It was as if we could not get married quick enough ... and this, in when things really started to change and the "act" started to fall apart.
My ex simply would not partake in ANY discussions about the actual wedding. The furtherest we got was buying the engagement ring. ANY talk about a date or place for the wedding was met with His complete disdain and disinterest. When his parents quizzed us about costs (which his father said, "I'll be the significant $ contributor") and the guest list - my ex - fell silent. He did actually come up with a list - his list was 5 people in addition to his mum, dad, sister and her husband. That was it. My list got to over 100 in addition to my family. You should have seen the look on his parents faces !
It was as if they were embarrassed and or did not understand why my ex had such a small list. I should add here that my ex's parents are extremely social people - they both have little black book social diaries and it's not unusual for them to have dinner parties each week for over 20 people !!!
So our wedding plans NEVER got off the ground !
Then there was his 40th Birthday - again his family went into full blown social mode planning a huge event. We were at dinner at his parents (again ! this was the major social contact with the outside world we had) and my ex lost his cool and had a total tantrum at everyone organising his 40th !
My ex - kicked me out less than 2 weeks after this trantrum ... his 40th birthday was attended by - guess who - T, C and S !