He had very few friends - the ones he had were all male and like him !

It took me about 3 months to notice that my ex had very, very few friends. He had done an undergrad degree and a Masters (which I later found out was written by his brilliant ex-girlfriend who is now my greatest ally and friend !), he'd worked in over 37 jobs and seemed so very charming - so why did he have so few friends ?

T- was his oldest friend. Married, 2 kids and a doting husband and father ...but the most distant to my ex's life.

C- a crazy NPD like my Ex. Non-conformist, argumentative, and always going on about how his mother had ruined his life (whilst she was alive and with her untimely death from cancer). My ex was always mouthing off about C and thought him a time waster and louse.

S- apparently successful in business but a hopeless womaniser who had left his former wife and kids, believed in polygamy and used everyone around him under the premise of being a bloody hippy of free love etc etc .

I can still recall the day my ex proposed to me - it was all champagne and tears all round when he announced this to his family the same day. His friend T (the married one and the only one I thought was any where near normal) rang to tell me that he was so pleased that I had finally made my ex an honest man !

Within 2 days, my mother in law to be was in full blown marriage organising mode ! It was as if we could not get married quick enough ... and this, in when things really started to change and the "act" started to fall apart.

My ex simply would not partake in ANY discussions about the actual wedding. The furtherest we got was buying the engagement ring. ANY talk about a date or place for the wedding was met with His complete disdain and disinterest. When his parents quizzed us about costs (which his father said, "I'll be the significant $ contributor") and the guest list - my ex - fell silent. He did actually come up with a list - his list was 5 people in addition to his mum, dad, sister and her husband. That was it. My list got to over 100 in addition to my family. You should have seen the look on his parents faces !

It was as if they were embarrassed and or did not understand why my ex had such a small list. I should add here that my ex's parents are extremely social people - they both have little black book social diaries and it's not unusual for them to have dinner parties each week for over 20 people !!!

So our wedding plans NEVER got off the ground !

Then there was his 40th Birthday - again his family went into full blown social mode planning a huge event. We were at dinner at his parents (again ! this was the major social contact with the outside world we had) and my ex lost his cool and had a total tantrum at everyone organising his 40th !

My ex - kicked me out less than 2 weeks after this trantrum ... his 40th birthday was attended by - guess who - T, C and S !

Sandra

Run4it's picture

I can't imagine that very many men will want him as a friend since the current OW is his friend's ex who divorced her husband and bought a house right down the street from my Narc and started playing house immediately.
Run4it's picture

The only male friend he has had for years he treats like crap most of the time.
fallingfoward's picture

My ex-nac only introduce to me some of his friends. They all like me and wanted us to go out with as a couple. Of course it never happen. The few times I did meet them we would get into interesting conversations. Then out of nowhere I never saw them again. I always felt he was nervous about me getting close to them, in fear that they might share some information he didn"t want me to know. As far as my friends he would never make the time to meet them. He rather stay at the house and watch TV. Boring, I am a very social person and became a recluse with him. Not no more, stella getting her groove on. (lol, not with men with herself)
HardToBelieve's picture

''I always felt he was nervous about me getting close to them, in fear that they might share some information he didn"t want me to know.'' This is how I always felt. I never got to meet any one his friends, not even ONE!!! He didn't want me to meet them for other reasons but I think he was hiding something.
fallingfoward's picture

My ex-nac only introduce to me some of his friends. They all like me and wanted us to go out with as a couple. Of course it never happen. The few times I did meet them we would get into interesting conversations. Then out of nowhere I never saw them again. I always felt he was nervous about me getting close to them, in fear that they might share some information he didn"t want me to know. As far as my friends he would never make the time to meet them. He rather stay at the house and watch TV. Boring, I am a very social person and became a recluse with him. Not no more, stella getting her groove on. (lol, not with men with herself)
Dee30's picture

oh yeah the ex Nbf, well all his buddies were a bunch of self-centred pricks. My ex bf claimed he was "different' then them also. I didn't see much difference. Except my ex was classic N so I'm sure he felt above everyone anways. his friends were all womanizing, abusive, rude boys in failing relationships, banging girls all the time, talking disrespectful of women, getting into fights, and just downright jerks...
lightandlove's picture

The so called friend of my ex - Mr C - it turns out that he has always held a candle for my ex's girlfriends ! Mr C seems to wait on the side to pick up the women my ex tosses aside ! The ex-girlfriend who has befriended me filled me in on the whole sorry saga. Turns out that when she and my ex separated after 2.5 years (she left him as she thought he was a bipolar depressive or psychopath) she mistakenly took the offer of a room to rent at Mr C's house. Mr C then made a play for her and when she rejected his advances, Mr C rings my ex and accuses her of cracking onto Mr C !!!! Then only 4 months ago, Mr C is making advances on her again via RSVP. Then I get a text out of the blue from Mr C accusing me and the ex-girlfriend of being " evil and manipulative girls". Only 2 months later Mr C is making advances towards my friend on RSVP - AGAIN ! Unbelievable !!!! Can I point out at this point that I have NEVER in all my borne days experienced anything like this kind of shit my entire life ! No wonder it's all come as such a shock ! Sandra
Dee30's picture

when he finished with his ex gf he was saying to me 'i wonder if she would hook up with ___ (his friend)...what a bastard! once they discard u i guess they could care less they give there "toy" to someone else. Well I would dump my exnarc in the trash can so no one could get such a bad toy! jerksss....
HardToBelieve's picture

I never got to meet my narc's friends because he said they were not going to like me. So he felt it was best if he kept me in the dark so I wouldn't need to take their insults. Gee, such good friends he had? He thought he was above his friends too. He was more successful than them, he had everything they didn't have. They went by local bus, he went by taxi with a private driver. He knew how to treat a lady but his friends were cheating and having babies with the OW. He also said all of his friends do cocaine and sell drugs, but that he never touched the powder. Wow, so all his friends did cocaine and he disliked that but still chose to hang out with them? First he said they were his best friends since childhood then later on he said he detested them and needed to get rid of them because they were after his money and because they did bad things. So everyone did cocaine and not he? I find that hard to believe. Birds of a feather flock together, right?
lightandlove's picture

My ex- took only a short time to intro me to his friends - he told me they were all wonderful - in the beginning ! In hindsight - 2 of the 3 fellas he hangs with - are also his drug dealers !!! Great co-dependency going on there ! One thing my ex did do very very well was keep his past and his past girlfriends a complete secret. He would refer to them as a nameless and faceless group of women. Sometimes, in an unguarded moment, he would refer to any one of them as "a friend". Once he was blabbering on about something on a trip in the car and he mentioned "a friend" might come down to our beach house for the weekend, he said he thought I might be weirded out cos she was an ex-girlfriend. I told him it did not worry me at all and I think the fact that I was no nonchalant about it - upset him. That woman never did come visit us. However, after he broke up with me - she and her 2 kids came down to housesit what had been our home whilst he went off on an all expenses paid 5 star holiday with his parents !!! Oh ..the family corporation holidays - my ex is nearly 41 and still goes on all expenses paid family holidays with his parents ... so does his sister (and she's 42 !!!). Does anyone else find that odd ? Sandra
HardToBelieve's picture

Sounds alot like my narc. My narc would get upset if he didn't get a jealous reaction from me when he spoke about his female friends. He said ''how would you react if you saw me talking to a woman?'' and I said ''I wouldn't mind, I got male friends too you know, and I trust you so I expect the same from you, why wouldn't I trust you if you love me?'' and he said ''what if it was my ex-girlfriend? it's like you DON'T CARE''. I always stayed nonchalant. Being jealous is not my thing. And he hated it. He hated my indifference. He always wanted a reaction from me. I never gave him the satisfaction!
nomoredenial's picture

had a few male little more than aquaintences and they never were ling mostly for what ever hobby he was in, music, skateboarding, then it would end. He had "deep meaningful" friendship with older spiritual (read gulible willing to let anything slide) women....