He beat me

Phoenix27 I have spent many years being abused by my Nh and I use to feel guilty as to why I would stay in such a marriage. He had me so screwed up that i would convince myself that his abuse wasn't that bad. The last things he did to me was choked me, Kicked me and punched me so hard in the arm that my arm was sore for a week. I managed to talk myself int believing that he was just upset. (because he was caught in a lie). Please get out and stay out. It does not get better but worse. One would never look a t my Nh and imagine how abusive he is. He abuses on all levels (sexual, physical, emotional you name it does it) Now I refuse to feel guilty. He is a very sick man and I am happy to be out alive. I wish you the best in your recovery. Forgive yourself and move forward. {{{Huggs}}}

I went to therapy and had a technique done to actually rid my guilt. It worked. I no longer feel guilt about this event that took place in 2006. In 07 I did the technique. I will have to find it. It was done in therapy, and I still have the midset to rid guilt. I think it was rewind? It's called something....Anyone know?

Hi and welcome to the board. Your post reinforces that this abuse cycle with the P/D has nothing to do with intelligence or knowledge. I worked for D.S.S., worked the hotlines for domestic abuse survivors, Psychology was my major, the list goes on and on. I found myself in the physical abuse cycle as well which began 18 months ago. There is no shame here. There is just getting out as quickly and as safely as possible. You know all of this. Many women fail to believe the stories about the OW. I cannot stress this enough: These men lie, they lie, they lie. You cannot believe a word they say. I hear all the time: "he said" or "he told me" never mind all that. Everything they say is subject to be questioned. They are master manipulatiors, and conmen. It is seldom if ever their fault. Very few women lie about abuse. Who would put themselves through the horror and humilation of court, police, embarrasment to their children, newspaper articles ect... if nothing happened to them. Not many. This happens on occasion with a PD women but not often. If you hear that another women was abused. BELIEVE IT!!! As you know, once you are in the abuse cycle it is difficult to see and takes courage to get out. We don't see it coming. Starts with the intense romance and adoration stage where we are God's gift to them and they put us on a pedestal. Then the first harsh word from them is a complete shock and contrast to the loving man we met. We almost cannot believe that it is the same man. What did we do wrong? Why is he so angry? What can I do to fix this. Then the first shove, push, sexual roughness, and once again: shock, confusion, shame, and of course they are so sorry, or we made them do it, or their love for us made them do it, or they really didn't do it and we are imagining it, and of course it will never happen again. How can a beautiful intelligent woman who knows the score fall for this crap? She's in love and wants the relationship to work. Wants to get it back on track like it was in the beginning. This never happens, it only gets worse. The cycle is the same, whether they hit you or not. You know all of this, and I knew all of this. I just needed to be reminded of all of this to get out. You do not state whether or not you are still with him. Of course if you are, you know when you try to get out they can go postal, so you need to be safe and have a plan. I had to call the police 11 times to at last get my X out and in jail. He refused to leave my house of his own free will. Not only was I shocked and shamed by my choice in men, I got it from all my friends: You are a strong woman, why are you putting up with this? How did you not see who he really was? Why do you keep taking him back? They were horrible to me, I got very little support or sympathy. Just severe judgement and condemnation. They were not telling me anything I did not already know and it took him nearly destroying my life to get him out. This all happened in 9 months which included him coming back after his first 40 days in jail. I honestly took him back because I wanted him to fix my house and he promised to do this. He did not keep his promise and he hit me again. I know that sounds crazy but my mind was not clear and I thought he should take care of the home repairs not me. He had gone on several rampages and my home looked like a war zone and he cleaned me out of 12 grand in cash and damages. Conservative estimate. Sounds hard to imagine that an intelligent women who had supported herself for years could be so "stupid." This was not about stupidity, it was about being "in love" and not seeing this coming. Don't beat yourself, just cut your losses and get out if you have not already and make sure you have a safe plan. Please keep posting on here about this and let us know how you are doing and if there is anything you need from us to help you and support you with this decision. You are not alone in this. The women on this board helped me to stay out. I received support in staying out and spent many hours on here learning AGAIN that this is not my fault, I am not stupid, I was sucked in by a seriously disturbed, and very sick man. You are in my prayers and remember to keep yourself safe. God bless, Goldie P.s. A reminder: This board is going to be shut down for a few days shortly and we have the new board: allaboutrecoverynetwork.com so make sure you are connected over there as well.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Mine beat me up when I tried to look at his phone. When I finally found his other girlfriends almost a year later, none of them believed that he had laid a finger on me. Not even the cops would do anything to him. I stayed with him all that time after the abuse. It's not your fault that you were in that mindset where you stayed. You know that. They mess up our minds so badly and make us think we are at fault if we don't keep loving them and enabling them. No one supported me after he did it to me. His brother promised to get him to counseling if I dropped the charges. After I agreed the brother blocked my phone number and I never talked to him again. Needless to say the Narc never went to counseling. There is nothing to do but protect yourself. This is a horrible lesson to learn but it's the only way. NC

honey, are you still with him? Let me tell you, I regret my wasted years that I let someone abuse me. Once you're out, you look back like 'what the hell was I thinking?" and I soooo regret not calling the police the million times I could have. Now, I wish I had it all on record because this monster would never be able to see our children alone again, and I have to send them with him now for visitation because I have no proof. If you are with this man, get the hell out. hugs to you